shits per day/week

[Trumo]

Someone who worked at my old place said he never used to go at weekends, even if he'd got pissed. Nah, he'd save up and go at work on a Monday morning, and leave people thinking something had died in there. The cleaners used HAZMAT suits.

[Guest San Don]

Fucking hell! some of you boys need to get down the docs! Shitting 3 or 4 times a day? There's something wrong in the bowel department if you're going that often.

 

Me? I tend for one no more than 2 a day. I always seem to need Captain Kirk. I once went for a shit and it was like either my arsehole was too small or the turd lurking behind my anus had grown a huge fucking head! It wouldnt come out!

 

Had to use my finger and pull clumps of the bastard out until me arsehole opened enough for the rest to fall out!

 

I didnt shit right for a week afterwards.

[stevebaby]

Have been suffering from constipation this weekend due to many cheese and tomato toasties and no beer. I had to dig the last one out with a spoon and break its back with an axe handle.

It looked like the space monster from Aliens1 and squealed like a bitch till I drowned the fucker.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Christ, you should keep a log book.

[Master Bates]

<<a log book>>

 

That's an excellent suggestion, but no doubt someone will be along in a minute to pooh pooh the idea.

[a stoner]

2 a day everyday. First 20 minutes after I get up and the second at 6 in the evening.

All started when I was working and the bogs were fucking rank.

[Jose Jones]

1 a day usually, around 10am in work.

Might do the odd extra one on the weekend or after loads of food and booze the day before.

If it was down to me we'd hardly ever go through the bog roll in our house, but the missus is a scruncher (and a girl) so we get through pine forests of the stuff.

[Unrighteous]

I just had a beer shit that was shockingly uneventful. How is this possible?

[stevebaby]

I just had a beer shit that was shockingly uneventful. How is this possible?

To answer your question...if you drop your kecks and bend over in front of a mirror you will probably see a very drunk tapeworm grinning happily back at you.

[Remmie]

My shits are now confined to the single most inconvenient time possible during the day, like 6 minutes before work/while an attractive lady is waiting for me/midway through the first half of a peculiar sport I follow

[Magic Sponge]

We had a phantom shitter in my old work. Everyday without fail somebody would leave king kong's finger in one of the traps.

 

The mystery will baffle me for the rest of my life.

[stevebaby]

We had a phantom shitter in my old work. Everyday without fail somebody would leave king kong's finger in one of the traps.

 

The mystery will baffle me for the rest of my life.

We had a phantom shitter at a place I once worked at too...big coils of brownsnake in the corner of the lifts.This went on for a few months with many wild and unfounded accusations directed at innocent parties.It was tearing the place asunder until the guilty party was discovered.

It was a temporary typist.She was caught in the lift by a group of engineers with her skirt up,her pants down and a steaming pile of evidence behind her,erm,behind.

She was of course sacked,but...WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND!

 

Another engineer at the same place used to sidle up to strangers in the pub and engage them in conversation at the bar. this was of course a nefarious ploy.The friendly conversation was a diversion while he surreptitiously slipped his fly open,pulled his cock out and suddenly pissed down their legs.

He had a very flat nose and a lot of black eyes,as I recall.

Never stopped him though.

[RedinSweden]

Once a day. Usually around 10-11, so I am paid for 5 out of 7 of them. After a heavy night drop time sometimes comes forward to around 9 if i am up, not if I am still in bed. I NEVER shit in the bed.

[Magic Sponge]

We had a phantom shitter at a place I once worked at too...big coils of brownsnake in the corner of the lifts.This went on for a few months with many wild and unfounded accusations directed at innocent parties.It was tearing the place asunder until the guilty party was discovered.

It was a temporary typist.She was caught in the lift by a group of engineers with her skirt up,her pants down and a steaming pile of evidence behind her,erm,behind.

She was of course sacked,but...WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND!

 

Another engineer at the same place used to sidle up to strangers in the pub and engage them in conversation at the bar. this was of course a nefarious ploy.The friendly conversation was a diversion while he surreptitiously slipped his fly open,pulled his cock out and suddenly pissed down their legs.

He had a very flat nose and a lot of black eyes,as I recall.

Never stopped him though.

 

As an ex-squaddie on the ale around Aldershot, it was common place to see unsuspecting civvies pick there winnings from the fruit machine money tray and then wipe the piss from the coins.

[stevebaby]

As an ex-squaddie on the ale around Aldershot, it was common place to see unsuspecting civvies pick there winnings from the fruit machine money tray and then wipe the piss from the coins.

Now I know why poker machines here have a hole drilled in the coin tray!

I always wondered why...:D

[Pony Princess]

Day after cider its never usually pretty, hot battery acid and finger can easily go through the paper causing a bathroom ballerina.

 

I like it when I've been eating loads of fruit and good fibre, chick peas etc and every shit is a pleasure, it just falls out of my arse with a tiny push.

 

Inbetween the two is best when its practically effortless and you get a hollywood ending / clean break. Feels good man.

 

I tend to visit Poopington Station once in the morning, once after lunch and have a cracker at home in the evening.

[RJ Fan club]

Getting paid to shit is an essential part of the day.

 

I have taken to a slightly revised timetable recently.

 

8:30ish, just after I've arrived in work. Usually just after a coffee and a ciggy. I'm pretty much ready to go the second I walk in the office. The first is usually the best of the day.

 

Then I usually go about 10-10:30 ish for another equal sized bout. After that I'm set for the day.

 

On average twice or three times a week I'll go for a late afternoon early evening shit about 6ish, just before the Simpsons. Today I didn't need to, so I used my spare time to compose this.

[Guest San Don]

We had a phantom shitter in my old work. Everyday without fail somebody would leave king kong's finger in one of the traps.

 

The mystery will baffle me for the rest of my life.

 

Nothing worse than going in a trap and finding one of kong's logs lurking in the pan!

 

At our place they had to send an e mail cos someone was shitting on the floor and not in the pan.

 

Nowt wrong with that you may think. But the someone shitting on the floor was a woman :eek:

 

Another place I was working at, the girls in the call centre were talking about nice finds in shop changing rooms. One girl said she went into one cubical to try on the latest dress and found someone, obviously another girlie, had left a big curly wurly on the floor with a used tampon!

 

Fucking disgusting methinks.

[Trumo]

Someone needs to work on their AC Slatering a bit harder.

[Torvald Utne]

I just bought some ex-lax, felt a bit left out.

[Trumo]

I just bought some ex-lax, felt a bit left out.

 

Either give it time or take some more.

[Joe Le Taxi]

Every 3-4 days.

 

I have aids.

[Total Longo]

We had a phantom shitter at a place I once worked at too...big coils of brownsnake in the corner of the lifts.This went on for a few months with many wild and unfounded accusations directed at innocent parties.It was tearing the place asunder until the guilty party was discovered.

It was a temporary typist.She was caught in the lift by a group of engineers with her skirt up,her pants down and a steaming pile of evidence behind her,erm,behind.

She was of course sacked,but...WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND!

 

Ha ha, i love this tale but the one question that keeps popping up is...why?

[stevebaby]

Ha ha, i love this tale but the one question that keeps popping up is...why?

I have been pondering her motive for some time,and the only reason I could come up with was...because she could.

Who among us wouldn't do the same if the opportunity arose?

[Trumo]

I have been pondering her motive for some time,and the only reason I could come up with was...because she could.

Who among us wouldn't do the same if the opportunity arose?

 

I wouldn't because I'd like to think I'm pretty high up the food chain and a civilised member of society. Not a fucking braindead moron.