Things non drivers do

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just now, Elite said:

I bet he blames you for missing the turning as well doesn't he?

You've met him then? 

[RJ Fan club]

There another few stages in this,

 

Londoners when 1 mile out side of zone 6 and who even if they can drive, demand to be ferried about even by a mild or passing acquaintance as described and in addition also on the way back from said trip out of London think you can get a king sized bed, a full wardrobe and drawers and poang chair in the back of a Ford Fiesta.
 

You can witness this phenomenon at Croydon and Edmonton Ikea every Friday 
 

Top of the food chain is the mate with a van or a pickup who everyone thinks is available every weekend for house clearances and any other shit they need moving to the tip. 

[s(k)aturation]

 

 

1/ Walk, at every opportunity

2/ Get really fucking tired of people asking them why they don't drive

3/ Never presume that they are entitled to be driven around by someone who does drive (unless said driver happens to drive a train, bus, or taxi)

 

Well, that's me anyway.

 

 

 

[Trumo]

Positive:

Gladly accept 3 points on their licence for a speeding offence you committed because they don't drive anyway, even though they have a licence and are named on the insurance to bring to cost down.

 

Negative:

Sleep on long journeys, only to bounce around excitably and yammer away when you could really do with a rest after driving all that way.

[cochyn]

Yell things like: "OH SHIT!!! LOOK.....!!!"

*hit brakes*

.....a pink car!"

[PestiRed]

Probably not just non-drivers but pedestrians who spot a gap in traffic and sprint the first three yards across the road like Linford Christie and then relax into a casual stroll for the rest of it like I’m not still headed straight for you at 30 km/hr. At this point they are not even looking at you to see if you can stop, they assume they’ve made it totally your problem and you will crash into an oncoming car if required to keep them safe. Revenge takes the form of blasting the horn when I’m right next to them and watching them jump five foot in the air. Unfortunately there’s an age cut-off for doing this as I’m worried that a small satisfying bit of revenge could turn into making their hearts explode

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

18 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha Ha. good spot. Some more:

 

1) Put their feet on the dashboard even though it scuffs the leather and obscures your view of the mirrors. 

In a porsche? Who the fuck are you giving a lift to Peter Dinklage?

 

2) Feel the need to point out car parking spaces even though you've driven for hours without  any assistance, suddenly they think you are blind and need help seeing things. 

 

3) Insist on showing you things on their phone even though you in the middle lane of the M25 in a thunderstorm with Polish lorry driver coked up on Red Bull, running late for the ferry and manically flashing his lights about a foot behind you.

 

4) Think the rear seats are basically a fucking magic picnic blanket and impervious to stains or liguids.

 

5) Slamming the door on the seat belt buckle then when it doesn't close slam it a little bit harder rather than investigate what was obstructing it in the first place. 

 

6) Insist on changing places from the back to the front without feeling the need to get out of the car. 

 

Mrs Kurtz and the kids do all of the above. 

If your kids act like junior members of the Bullingdon Club in your car, then surely that's on you.

 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

18 hours ago, littletedwest said:

Volunteer you to drive other people around. "I'll get kev pick you up and take you there".

I'm afraid this comes with the name, Niges and Kevs are plagued with it, never Micks or Big Tony's - insist on Kevin and tell them to fuck off

[Davelfc]

Telling you that their turn is 'now' when there is zero chance you have the time to make that turn. 

 

"It's clear" (to go) when it's not clear because there's still some other road user/pedestrian to consider.

 

Wiping the inside of the front window clear of condensation with their hands. 

 

Having no concept of rush hours or bank holiday traffic. 

 

Not understanding that after a 4 hour drive all you want to do is turn off your brain for twenty minutes. 

[littletedwest]

6 hours ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

I'm afraid this comes with the name, Niges and Kevs are plagued with it, never Micks or Big Tony's - insist on Kevin and tell them to fuck off

Its Kevan actually just to be awkward. When people ask where the names from i always say my mum and dad

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

We need a thread on parenting. Having had 5 kids with 2 very different women, my experience is they come out of the womb with their personality almost fully formed. 

 

We have a parenting thread, though it sounds like you need the birth control thread

[Section_31]

Kurtz is Jacob Rees Mogg. It's all coming together.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

1 hour ago, littletedwest said:

Its Kevan actually just to be awkward. When people ask where the names from i always say my mum and dad

Mine is Cevan so I take your awkward, double it and out it on a postcard i put up with getting called anything from 7 (acceptable) to Siobhan (unacceptable).

 

1 hour ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

We need a thread on parenting. Having had 5 kids with 2 very different women, my experience is they come out of the womb with their personality almost fully formed. 
 

as someone who has no kids with at least 4 different women, I have to say I think you’re talking bollocks - ah you may say, how can you say that if you have no kids, and I would point out that for a period of time in recent memory I too was a child.

 

but then from the limited impression anyone can have form someone on an Internet forum, it strikes me you were probably not a helicopter parent.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

18 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Kurtz is Jacob Rees Mogg. It's all coming together.

I would certainly accept he still maintains a wet nurse.

[Dr Nowt]

4 minutes ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

Mine is Cevan so I take your awkward, double it and out it on a postcard i put up with getting called anything from 7 (acceptable) to Siobhan (unacceptable).

 

as someone who has no kids with at least 4 different women, I have to say I think you’re talking bollocks - ah you may say, how can you say that if you have no kids, and I would point out that for a period of time in recent memory I too was a child.

 

but then from the limited impression anyone can have form someone on an Internet forum, it strikes me you were probably not a helicopter parent.

Stretching the term 'recent memory' to breaking point there, you old cunt.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Just now, Dr Nowt said:

Stretching the term 'recent memory' to breaking point there, you old cunt.

Fuck off Nowt, I have Aspergers I’m plagued by my memory - you’re just plagued.

Typed with a pox ridden neck!

[cloggypop]

1 hour ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

I would certainly accept he still maintains a wet nurse.