Corporate bellendary at work.

[cloggypop]

 

 

Okay, so now at work we've been told we need a BHAG - A Big Hairy Audacious Goal - FFS.

 

Dirty bastards

[General Dryness]

Okay, so now at work we've been told we need a BHAG - A Big Hairy Audacious Goal - FFS. I think there's a department designated to inventing these terms and having a big laugh - "What do you think about this one - how much do you bet they'll use this one?" Trading Places style.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Hairy_Audacious_Goal

 

Run it up the flagpole and see if the cat sucks you off.

[Anubis]

Not at all creepy or edge of the precipice...

 

 

https://www.theverge.com/2017/7/24/16019530/three-sqaure-market-implant-office-keycard-biohacking-wisconsin

 

 

A Wisconsin company called Three Square Market is going to offer employees implantable chips to open doors, buy snacks, log in to computers, and use office equipment like copy machines. Participating employees will have the chips, which use near field communication (NFC) technology, implanted between their thumb and forefinger. It’s an extension of the long-running implantable RFID chip business, based on a partnership with Swedish company Biohax International. The vending kiosk company, also known as 32M, will “chip” employees at a party on August 1st. (According to an email to The Verge, chips and salsa will be served as snacks.) Around 50 people are supposedly getting the optional implants.

 

NFC chips are already used in a couple of workplaces in Europe; The Los Angeles Times reported on startup workspace Epicenter’s chip program earlier this year. In the US, installing them is also a form of simple biohacking. They’re essentially an extension of the chips you’d find in contactless smart cards or microchipped pets: passive devices that store very small amounts of information. A Swedish rail company also lets people use implants as a substitute for fare cards. 32M CEO Todd Westby is clearly trying to head off misunderstandings and paranoia by saying that they contain “no GPS tracking at all” — because again, it’s comparable to an office keycard here.

 

Chip implants are far from common, and although Westby speculates on a future where RFID chip technology is used for “your passport, public transit, all purchasing opportunities,” a lot of people might prefer those chips in the form of jewelry or a smartphone component. In an office environment, employers can already monitor most of the data that they could collect through these chips, but in a larger environment, a device you couldn’t easily remove could raise privacy concerns. Still, this is a good sign for biohacking enthusiasts who are already interested in the tech; I have an NFC chip, for example, that I’ve been trying fruitlessly to use as an office keycard for years. The US has also been lagging behind Europe on adopting this kind of tech, so it’s cool to see it make its way to an American company — even if it’s mostly an interesting experiment on both continents.

[memyselfandpie]

I can't believe there are people stupid enough to allow themselves to be physically chipped. Actually, I can. Sad times.

[memyselfandpie]

I fucking hate my office. I don't mean a little I mean hate. I've always either been field based or self employed.

Sticky speaking I am now field based but my predesscor was an older guy and spent 3/4 full days in the office doing his stuff on the phone.

I'm pissed off if I spend 3/4 hours in the place.

 

It's a good job you and I don't work in the same office as I fear we may have made the front pages of all the papers by now for unspeakable crimes against the...

 

...Petri dish of mediocre humanity.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just had to send an email to 10 people reminding them to do something in their job role that 9 of them do.  Can't be seen to be singling out people it seems. 

[deiseach]

I can't believe there are people stupid enough to allow themselves to be physically chipped. Actually, I can. Sad times.

[El Rojo]

Just had to send an email to 10 people reminding them to do something in their job role that 9 of them do.  Can't be seen to be singling out people it seems. 

 

Hi team,

 

When we're in the toilet cubicle and there's a solid on its way (aka a Number 2), can we all make sure that everything lands in the bowl rather than on the seat.

 

Happy Wednesday and kind regards,

 

Paulie

[Creator Supreme]

Some of the poor bastards in one of our Southern offices have got a team building day tomorrow!

 

I think I'd rather be hung, drawn and quartered while listening to Rico and Stronts read the latest Tory manifesto!

[Em City]

Read yesterday US companies losing 25% of their prospective workforce due to failed drug tests.

 

We all know the solution to that problem now, don't we?

[Rico1304]

Some of the poor bastards in one of our Southern offices have got a team building day tomorrow!

 

I think I'd rather be hung, drawn and quartered while listening to Rico and Stronts read the latest Tory manifesto!

I bet they are gutted you're not there. Gutted.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Deposit required for the christmas do.  I've said I'm not going because I don't want to spend a tenner now for something in December. 

[Creator Supreme]

I bet they are gutted you're not there. Gutted.

They're devastated that you can't attend!

[setreal]

Yep, they build using hexagons as they fit together perfectly adding strength. 

 

Hexagon, get over it.

[Anubis]

I bet they are gutted you're not there. Gutted.

 

 

They're devastated that you can't attend!

 

I Wish you were both here.

 

 

[YouTube]

[/YouTube]

[Rico1304]

They're devastated that you can't attend!

I'd imagine they'd be surprised, you know with me not working for your company.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Been invited to my ex work christmas do too, need a £10 deposit.  Fuck off

[Mook]

Been invited to my ex work christmas do too, need a £10 deposit.  Fuck off

 

I'm not sure whether to rep you for your 'fuck off Christmas' stance or neg you for mentioning Christmas twice today, in the middle of July.

 

Repped.

[Remmie]

Isn't it just fucking FAB, when managers write, "As you already know..."

 

It's terrific being told what I do and don't know. Doesn't at all smack of an arse covering exercise in the mould of "here's a reminder of"

[Furmedge]

Started with this in the rant thread but reading it back it belongs in here. Just putting all my thoughts in print before it goes tits up in work.

 

People passing the buck in work. Had two examples of it yesterday. I'm a business analyst so I get to work on a few projects and the beauty of it is that I just make suggestions and supply data for senior managers to make business decisions on, so the major responsibility sits with them.

 

Yesterday one came bouncing over to me saying I'd given them duff info and about 10% of a project had gone absolutely tits up which will skew the results. Felt great to trawl through the email back and forth with them to prove it was their information that was shite, not mine. Got it resolved for moving forward but imagine my surprise several hours later when a senior director spotted me in the canteen and said he'd heard the kerfuffle and to make sure it was right moving forward. Turns out the project leader had told him it was my fault and they'd sorted it for moving forward. Put him straight there and then.

 

Another senior manager hasn't listened to my advice for a couple of months now and I've made a point of relaying this back to my manager every time I'm ignored, advising of implications. Turns out my fears became reality and a budget is going to be seriously exceeded despite the stakeholders being told it's finished well under. Put it this way, it's going to increase by about around £400k, 7-8% over budget. Only two of us knew about it and I could tell by his questioning that he was putting the blame at my feet. Had to remind him of the ignorance to my advice and had he followed it, he'd have spotted this a mile away. A third member of the project had to be informed because they're holding the purse strings and I was told to keep it quiet until the full extent was known. The other fella sniped to him behind my back resulting in him blaming me and the third lad giving me a right earful. Reminded him of the same advice. We now have to go into the head honcho's office and ask him for a further £400k despite already telling him the project is done. Every man for himself in there.

[Rico1304]

Sounds like you have a CYA folder. I learned very early on that being able to cover your arse was vital.

[Anubis]

Sounds less like a job and more like an episode of the Apprentice...

[Remmie]

What's happening going forward?

[Paulie Dangerously]

We've done a big exercise getting rid of old filing as we're moving sites soon.  We had about 15 years of stuff when legally we only need 6 years.  This means we've got loads of empty lever files, box filed etc everywhere.  An email went round today:

 

"The ongoing cleansing of old office records in readiness for the office move has highlighted how much stationery (lever arch files, box files, folders etc) we have accumulated over the years.

 

Can I ask wherever practicable that we re-use such stationery to help limit the amount we may purchase in the future. I know a number of staff already do the above but please can this be a gentle reminder to everyone else.

 

Thanks for your co-operation."

 

 

Desperate attempt to be seen as being economical and money-savvy when the files were all full of things about a week ago because they were too tight to get them taken away and shredded.  I might send one back to ask people to shred their own papers with scissors as we get charged £1 a sack from the shredder company. 

[PestiRed]

My current favourite is “I’m going to lean into your expertise and resource on this one” which roughly translates as “this shit is getting dumped on you”