Instant cunt identifiers

[Section_31]

18 minutes ago, Shitty Arse said:

Fitness instructors. Ooh I’m going to take this spin class dressed as a  Christmas Elf because I’m dead wacky. I’ll play all Christmas songs as well because you don’t hear these same songs enough at this time of year on a constant loop in every shop you go in. I’ll put some glitter on me face. Exercise is a relentlessly grim joyless battle against middle age. Fuck off with all the enforced jollity you cunts.

 

Also anyone who “goes live” on Facebook. No one’s arsed. 

 

I always think people who enjoy fitness are fucked up, it goes against all the primal urges of your brain and most people only do it under extreme sufferance.

 

Hats off to people who are genuinely into it like, they'll no doubt live longer and so forth, but fucking hell.

 

I've seen some really wacky shit in gyms, it's David Attenborough material some of it.

 

Went circuit training once with a proper mix of ages and abilities and there were these two lads competing with each other, had that smell of recruitment consultants about them. The instructor would have us all jogging slowly around cones and would explicitly state 'don't overtake', so you can imagine what they did. But they'd smile while they did it, like they'd achieved something in life. Imagine getting self affirmation from shit like that?

 

Used to be this meathead who used to leave his water bottle on people's machines while they were exercising, like he owned the gym, and make loads of noise when he was lifting, shouting and dropping weights deliberately, which any genuine lifter knows is a sign of bad form.

 

There's one in the gym now like that yet he's skinny as fuck and in his 40s, he walks around like he owns the place, on his phone (which is a way of basically shitting on the floor and claiming ownership of the communal space), talking loudly and doing small weights, badly, but screaming as he goes. Never takes his rain coat off either. Serious oddball.

[nimrod]

On 11/12/2021 at 19:09, Babb'sBurstNad said:

People on zoom calls who deliberately position the camera to show off a guitar in the background.

 

Ooh, look at me, I'm dead musical. Pathetic.

Erm 'sour grapes'? I'm in my 'den' Ive got 3 guitars right behind me, if someone video calls me they will see them, but that's where they live, I never stash them away, too much trouble.
plus, ideal for my hats.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Just Eat bike riders. 
 

Take a cycle proficiency test you absolute helmets. 
 

 

[Bjornebye]

9 hours ago, Shitty Arse said:

 

Also anyone who “goes live” on Facebook. No one’s arsed. 

Except this fella 

 

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

36 minutes ago, Skidfingers McGonical said:

Just Eat bike riders. 
 

Take a cycle proficiency test you absolute helmets. 
 

 

Nah.

 

Just Eat/Deliveroo etc. employers, who pay people so little that they have to risk their neck to make enough dough.

[A Red]

54 minutes ago, Skidfingers McGonical said:

Just Eat bike riders. 

Only in Hungary

[Dr Nowt]

Turned on the telly last night and Masterchef appeared. Immediately presented with that sex pest greengrocer cunt, Sue Pollard and Neil Ruddock.

 

That is one seriously competitive cunt trifecta. My fucking eyes.

 

Reflexes of a cat were invoked to instinctively get them straight on mute then a nanosecond later have the channel changed. 

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Turned on the telly last night and Masterchef appeared. Immediately presented with that sex pest greengrocer cunt, Sue Pollard and Neil Ruddock.

 

That is one seriously competitive cunt trifecta. My fucking eyes.

 

Reflexes of a cat were invoked to instinctively get them straight on mute then a nanosecond later have the channel changed. 

Yep, I do exactly the same. The channel takes a millisecond longer to stop hearing them and that tiny space of time has the potential to ruin your mood. 

[Skidfingers McGonical]

3 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Nah.

 

Just Eat/Deliveroo etc. employers, who pay people so little that they have to risk their neck to make enough dough.

Bore off. It’s not a genuine cunt shout. 

 

My point about them, is that they can’t ride a bike on the road properly and are putting other people as well as themselves at risk by not knowing how to ride a bike safely. 

 

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

12 hours ago, nimrod said:

Erm 'sour grapes'? I'm in my 'den' Ive got 3 guitars right behind me, if someone video calls me they will see them, but that's where they live, I never stash them away, too much trouble.
plus, ideal for my hats.

Fuck off Bono!

[CapeRed]

13 hours ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think people who enjoy fitness are fucked up, it goes against all the primal urges of your brain and most people only do it under extreme sufferance.

 

Hats off to people who are genuinely into it like, they'll no doubt live longer and so forth, but fucking hell.

 

I've seen some really wacky shit in gyms, it's David Attenborough material some of it.

 

Went circuit training once with a proper mix of ages and abilities and there were these two lads competing with each other, had that smell of recruitment consultants about them. The instructor would have us all jogging slowly around cones and would explicitly state 'don't overtake', so you can imagine what they did. But they'd smile while they did it, like they'd achieved something in life. Imagine getting self affirmation from shit like that?

 

Used to be this meathead who used to leave his water bottle on people's machines while they were exercising, like he owned the gym, and make loads of noise when he was lifting, shouting and dropping weights deliberately, which any genuine lifter knows is a sign of bad form.

 

There's one in the gym now like that yet he's skinny as fuck and in his 40s, he walks around like he owns the place, on his phone (which is a way of basically shitting on the floor and claiming ownership of the communal space), talking loudly and doing small weights, badly, but screaming as he goes. Never takes his rain coat off either. Serious oddball.

Gym is a great place for cunts  like that annoying fuckers.

[nimrod]

8 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Fuck off Bono!

Not Quite

[Pete]

3 minutes ago, nimrod said:

Not Quite

That a Gibson Les Paul or Epiphone?  Strat looks nice too. 

[Arniepie]

22 minutes ago, CapeRed said:

Gym is a great place for cunts  like that annoying fuckers.

Ours is sound

Different story over the water

 

You would genuinely think you had moved to a different country

 

[Furmedge]

People who look at their phones during an interview when you're answering questions to hopefully change your life forever.

 

Yes, this happened to me this morning.

 

I'm not hopeful.

[nimrod]

2 minutes ago, Pete said:

That a Gibson Les Paul or Epiphone?  Strat looks nice too. 

The Acoustic and Les Paul are epiphone, the 'Strat is an el cheapo Squire.There a really good Strat in its case under the bed, well cared for. There's an Ibanez that I'm working on to drop the action.

[Bruce Spanner]

1 minute ago, Furmedge said:

People who look at their phones during an interview when you're answering questions to hopefully change your life forever.

 

Yes, this happened to me this morning.

 

I'm not hopeful.

Stop looking at your phone and posting on here!

 

Go get ‘em, Champ.

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Furmedge said:

People who look at their phones during an interview when you're answering questions to hopefully change your life forever.

 

Yes, this happened to me this morning.

 

I'm not hopeful.

Good luck fella 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

35 minutes ago, nimrod said:

Not Quite

Just having a giraffe

[CapeRed]

52 minutes ago, Furmedge said:

People who look at their phones during an interview when you're answering questions to hopefully change your life forever.

 

Yes, this happened to me this morning.

 

I'm not hopeful.

Haha in my days as a rep I had meetings with SA Gov dept CIO's. At one meeting the fucker took out his lunch, chicken, and started eating it

[CapeRed]

1 hour ago, Arniepie said:

Ours is sound

Different story over the water

 

You would genuinely think you had moved to a different country

 

You ever get the fat bastards who sit on a station and start whatsapping and shit?

[Bobby Hundreds]

I just watched celebrity Christmas masterchef. Neil Ruddock was on it and they showed a clip of when he was last on it in 2019, in 2019 he was pretty much bald and now he has a full head of long hair they've come a long way those transplants or it's a wig.

[General Dryness]

8 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Nah.

 

Just Eat/Deliveroo etc. employers, who pay people so little that they have to risk their neck to make enough dough.

Have a day off Mal, you've earned it.

[manwiththestick]

2 hours ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

I just watched celebrity Christmas masterchef. Neil Ruddock was on it and they showed a clip of when he was last on it in 2019, in 2019 he was pretty much bald and now he has a full head of long hair they've come a long way those transplants or it's a wig.

Imagine being that bothered by lack of hair when you're morbidity obese.

[Bobby Hundreds]

6 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

Imagine being that bothered by lack of hair when you're morbidity obese.

Thing is he was still bald at the back.