How Sad Is That

[Cath]

She's gonna be soooo chuffed.

[Transfer Budgie]

Red millet makes a great ingredient for your healthy custom mix. This difficult to find seed is a favorite ground feeding birds, especially sparrows - and its tough outer shell protects it so that it can be offered to birds directly on the ground where ground-feeding species prefer it. In addition to sparrows, species attracted to red millet include juncos, cardinals, pyrrhuloxias, towhees, finches, buntings, thrashers, budgies, quail, pheasant, bobwhite, and jays, among others. The kids and grandkids will love helping you sprinkle handfuls of red millet seed in the garden!

[Spy Bee]

What makes budgies bounce with health?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rubber legs!

[Thants]

Any chance of getting to the 500?

[Thants]

I hope so

[Thants]

In fact

[Thants]

i'm going to

[Thants]

stroll it

 

[redrosetints]

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Big Ig]

nchalance

[RJ Fan club]

this puppy slipped, who's supposed to be keeping watch?

 

I blame that young Malarkey, he got his mind on other things like Skype-ing.

[Plewggs]

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

I know exactly what you mean Pal.

Only great minds can read this

Weird, but interesting!

 

 

 

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

 

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

 

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[Cath]

I'm too busy to post. Sorry.

[RedinSweden]

That is true. Man it has taken us ages to get to 500. Well done Thantsy Pants.

[RJ Fan club]

more work needed to get this to a thousand

[Plewggs]

A very loud, unattractive, unkempt, angry woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them and jerking them around all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart greeter said, ''Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?''

 

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say to him, ''Hell no, they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the Hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?''

 

''I'm neither blind nor stupid,'' replied the greeter, never losing his calm demeanor. ''I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.''

[Plewggs]

SMART ARSED ANSWER 6

 

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

 

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

 

"What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

 

SMART ARSED ANSWER 5

 

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

 

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he

opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said,

 

"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

 

SMART ARSED ANSWER 4

 

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's

store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

 

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

 

SMART ARSED ANSWER 3

 

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for

speeding, rolled down his window.

 

"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.

 

The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."

 

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 

SMART ARSED ANSWER 2

 

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up

that read " Low Bridge Ahead."

 

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it..

 

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

 

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to

the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

 

The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"

 

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

 

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final

exam.

 

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

 

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a

death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

 

A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and

asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

 

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was

restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and

sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[Plewggs]

>>>A Modern Parable.

>>>

>>>A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General

Motors)

>>>decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams

practiced

>>>long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

>>>

>>>On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

>>>

>>>The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate

the

>>>reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior

>>>management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate

action.

>>>

>>>Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person

>>>steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person

>>>rowing.

>>>

>>>Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a

>>>consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second

>>>opinion.

>>>

>>>They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat,

>>>while not enough people were rowing.

>>>

>>>Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent

>>>another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure

was

>>>totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering

>>>superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

>>>

>>>They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1

>>>person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was

called

>>>the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and

free

>>>pens for the rower. There was also discussion of getting new

paddles,

>>>canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and

>bonuses.

>>>

>>>The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

>>>

>>>Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor

>>>performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and

>>>canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved

was

>>>distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's

>racing

>>>team was out-sourced to India .

>>>

>>>Sadly, The End.

>>>

>>>Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty

>years

>>>moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make

money

>>>paying American wages.

>>>

>>>TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen

plants

>>>inside the US. The last quarter's results:

>>>

>>>TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in

>>>losses.

>>>

>>>Ford folks are still scratching their heads.

>>>

>>>IF THIS WASN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

>>>

[Plewggs]

>>Three Labrador retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black Were

>>sitting in the waiting room at the vet's surgery when they

>> Struck up a conversation.

>>

>>The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"

>>

>>The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything--the Sofa,

>>the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was

>> Last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

>>The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"

>> "Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the brown lab.

>>They reckon it'll calm me down."

>>

>> The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked,

>> "Why are you here?"

>>The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig Up Flowers

 

>>and trees, and I dig just for the heck of it. When I'm Inside,I dig up

 

>>the carpets. But I went over the line last night

>> When I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

>> "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.

>> "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected yellow lab said.

>>

>>The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you

>>Here?"

>>I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll Hump the

>>cat, a pillow, the table, post-boxes, whatever. I want

>> To hump everything I see.

>>Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was Bending

>>down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself.I Hopped on her

>>back and started humping away."

>>

>> The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Nuts

 

>>off for you too, huh?"

>>

>>The black lab said, "No, I'm just here to get my nails clipped."

>

[Plewggs]

Subject: Vaseline

 

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day;

he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale ' sign on it.

 

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.

 

It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and

asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

 

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the

bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It

protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

 

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.

 

Naturally, they take the bike there.

 

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have

to tell you something about my family before we go in."

 

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says

anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

 

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

 

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge

stack of dirty dishes.

 

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs,

in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

 

 

 

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner

progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

 

So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches

over and fondles her breasts.

 

Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes

off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of

her parents.

 

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her

mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

 

 

 

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs

the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every

which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious

and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

 

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

 

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right,

that's enough, I'll do the f*cking dishes!"

[Plewggs]

Some Aussie humour.....................................

 

>

> Two guys are driving through Victoria when they get pulled over by a

> cop. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. As

> the driver rolls down the window, the cop smacks him in the head with

> the stick.

>

> The driver says, "Why'd you do that? The cop drawls, "You're in

> Victoria, son. When I pull you over you'll have your license ready."

> The driver rubs his head and says, "I'm sorry, officer. I'm not from

> around here."

> The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.

>

> He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger

> side and taps on that window.

> The passenger rolls his window down, and the cop smacks him with the

> nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop

> says, "Just making your wishes come true." "Huh?" says the passenger.

> The cop replies, "I know that two kilometers down the road you're

> gonna say, 'I wish that jerk would've tried that shit with me."

>

[Plewggs]

In America...

>

>

>THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE

>CENTURY.

>

>A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer purchased a box of very rare and

>expensive cigars and then insured them against fire, among other

things.

>

>Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great

cigars

>and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the

>policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

>

>In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of

>small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious

>reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The

>lawyer sued and WON!

>

>In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company

>that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the

>lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that

>the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them

>against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable

>fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

>

>Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance

>company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss

>of the cigars lost in the "fires".

>

>NOW FOR THE BEST PART!

>

>After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him

>arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

>

>With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being

>used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his

>insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000

>fine.

>

>This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent

>Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

>

>ONLY IN AMERICA! No wonder third world countries think they're nuts?

>

[redrosetints]

I know exactly what you mean Pal.

Only great minds can read this

Weird, but interesting!

 

 

 

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

 

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

 

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 

My Nemas not Pual. And yes I did konw auobt the fcat taht you olny need to icdlune the frist and lsat ltteres.

[redrosetints]

That is true. Man it has taken us ages to get to 500. Well done Thantsy Pants.

 

Did you get the 1000 on teh 'we'll never sign anyone good thread' ?

[Thants]

Did you get the 1000 on teh 'we'll never sign anyone good thread' ?

I didnt but all you posted was '??' as the 1000th. Utter waste of a post, you should be ashamed of yourself.