Have a rant thread

[Section_31]

1 hour ago, Total Longo said:

Imagine how WE feel, mate. Oh the humanity! 

Ha mine's the fifth of Feb and it's always been a case of 'after the Lord mayor's show'. I'd get a PlayStation for Christmas and then a DVD or something for my birthday, and a box of Toffifee. 

 

I've currently got the Mrs, three of my best mates and my brother in law who all have their birthdays within six weeks of Christmas.  I can't not buy decent presents though, I just can't help it, even though I'm headed to the poorhouse. 

[Evelyn Tentions]

Mate of mine has his birthday on Xmas Eve. Poor prick has only had "combined" Xmas and birthday presents all his life. One present.

[manwiththestick]

One of my best mates has his birthday on Christmas day, when we were kid's he'd always get the best bike or whatever as he got double bubble. When we got to the age of going the pub at Christmas lunchtime he'd always be absolutely twatted by 3pm as everyone would buy him shorts. Not sure he seen a Christmas dinner for a good few years, his ma would go mad as he stumbled in and took the knock.

[Rico1304]

The wife’s is 30 December. Easy to get a restaurant table anywhere, but she hates it.  Hard on my  wallet though. 

[Elite]

Every baby born on Christmas day should have to be called Jesus under UK law, no matter their religion.

[Trumo]

40 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

One of my best mates has his birthday on Christmas day, when we were kid's he'd always get the best bike or whatever as he got double bubble. When we got to the age of going the pub at Christmas lunchtime he'd always be absolutely twatted by 3pm as everyone would buy him shorts. Not sure he seen a Christmas dinner for a good few years, his ma would go mad as he stumbled in and took the knock.

 

Maybe they should have got him shorts that fit.

[Section_31]

We've had a cleaning company the last few months (yeah I know, but she doesn't have time to do it and doesn't trust me to either, which is a result), but some of their staff do really annoying shit.

 

A couple of them move our stuff around, like the coffee table into the middle of the room or the couch closer to the window. 

 

They moved our kitchen stuff around, literally moved toasters and kettles to the other side of the kitchen. 

 

We have this wire thing in our kettle for cleaning limescale but it looks like a wire sponge, so every week one of them takes it out and puts it in the sink, as if to say "these dickheads put sponges in their kettle".

 

This week, the coup de gras is that one of them has lost our remote control for the smart telly. We asked where it's gone but she's on silent running. 

 

She also turned our toaster down to the lowest setting (?) So my toast this morning looked like michael Jackson.

 

Call me simple minded but if I was a cleaner I'd hoover up and dust and the likes, not put people's cups in the breadbin and turn their beds upside down.

 

Weird bastards.

[manwiththestick]

First World problems.

[cloggypop]

On 04/12/2020 at 19:00, Elite said:

Every baby born on Christmas day should have to be called Jesus under UK law, no matter their religion.

My grandad got Noel instead. 

[Section_31]

14 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

First World problems.

True, but it also takes a tremendous amount of trust to let someone into your house when you're not there, and when stuff gets upended and now goes missing, it's a bit shit.

[Captain Turdseye]

7 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

True, but it also takes a tremendous amount of trust to let someone into your house when you're not there, and when stuff gets upended and now goes missing, it's a bit shit.

I wouldn’t be able to resist following them around and telling them exactly how stuff should be done.

 

[Rico1304]

49 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

We've had a cleaning company the last few months (yeah I know, but she doesn't have time to do it and doesn't trust me to either, which is a result), but some of their staff do really annoying shit.

 

A couple of them move our stuff around, like the coffee table into the middle of the room or the couch closer to the window. 

 

They moved our kitchen stuff around, literally moved toasters and kettles to the other side of the kitchen. 

 

We have this wire thing in our kettle for cleaning limescale but it looks like a wire sponge, so every week one of them takes it out and puts it in the sink, as if to say "these dickheads put sponges in their kettle".

 

This week, the coup de gras is that one of them has lost our remote control for the smart telly. We asked where it's gone but she's on silent running. 

 

She also turned our toaster down to the lowest setting (?) So my toast this morning looked like michael Jackson.

 

Call me simple minded but if I was a cleaner I'd hoover up and dust and the likes, not put people's cups in the breadbin and turn their beds upside down.

 

Weird bastards.

He does nothing, the boy does nothing. 

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

We've had a cleaning company the last few months (yeah I know, but she doesn't have time to do it and doesn't trust me to either, which is a result), but some of their staff do really annoying shit.

 

A couple of them move our stuff around, like the coffee table into the middle of the room or the couch closer to the window. 

 

They moved our kitchen stuff around, literally moved toasters and kettles to the other side of the kitchen. 

 

We have this wire thing in our kettle for cleaning limescale but it looks like a wire sponge, so every week one of them takes it out and puts it in the sink, as if to say "these dickheads put sponges in their kettle".

 

This week, the coup de gras is that one of them has lost our remote control for the smart telly. We asked where it's gone but she's on silent running. 

 

She also turned our toaster down to the lowest setting (?) So my toast this morning looked like michael Jackson.

 

Call me simple minded but if I was a cleaner I'd hoover up and dust and the likes, not put people's cups in the breadbin and turn their beds upside down.

 

Weird bastards.

My dad had a cleaner, she used to do about 10 minutes worth of washing up and drying then she would inexplicably put the stack of plates on the hob instead of in the cupboard. She was asking £18 per hour as well. She was anyway. 

[Elite]

4 hours ago, Section_31 said:

We've had a cleaning company the last few months (yeah I know, but she doesn't have time to do it and doesn't trust me to either, which is a result), but some of their staff do really annoying shit.

 

A couple of them move our stuff around, like the coffee table into the middle of the room or the couch closer to the window. 

 

They moved our kitchen stuff around, literally moved toasters and kettles to the other side of the kitchen. 

 

We have this wire thing in our kettle for cleaning limescale but it looks like a wire sponge, so every week one of them takes it out and puts it in the sink, as if to say "these dickheads put sponges in their kettle".

 

This week, the coup de gras is that one of them has lost our remote control for the smart telly. We asked where it's gone but she's on silent running. 

 

She also turned our toaster down to the lowest setting (?) So my toast this morning looked like michael Jackson.

 

Call me simple minded but if I was a cleaner I'd hoover up and dust and the likes, not put people's cups in the breadbin and turn their beds upside down.

 

Weird bastards.

She prefers the term 'sex worker'.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

6 hours ago, Remmie said:

My dad had a cleaner, she used to do about 10 minutes worth of washing up and drying then she would inexplicably put the stack of plates on the hob instead of in the cupboard. She was asking £18 per hour as well. She was anyway. 

 

Only £3 a shift though, fuck that.

 

[A Red]

My mrs would be getting the house clean ready for the cleaner

[Bruce Spanner]

Bruce went to the shop this morning to collect things for a lunch today, something special as we’ve just been told we’ll be shot if we leave our street effectively down here.

 

Any how’s I focus on a roast of sorts, truffled mash, fondant carrots, creamed broccoli and a lovely piece of beef fillet that I cover in a sauce made from onions, stock, wine and thyme, reduced to a thick, flavoursome sauce, I know you’re salivating, imagine how I feel knowing I’m going to eat this...

 

Anyhow’s I get home and the better half tells me not to worry she’ll sort the beef, after me telling her GM6 25 minutes, make sure you sear first and cover in a little oil after cutting a little. It’s just under 1/2 a KG, so should be beautiful and pink in the middle with some crisp on the edges.

 

I take the beef out, I can already tell it’s not right. 
 

‘What have you done to this?’

 

’I found a calculation on the internet’

 

‘Why, I told you what to do?’

 

’Just thought I’d make sure. It said (insert wrong formula at twice the length of time necessary)’

 

Cremated, I’m fucking fuming.

 

She’ll be lucky to get a word out of me today. 

 

 

[Elite]

41 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Bruce went to the shop this morning to collect things for a lunch today, something special as we’ve just been told we’ll be shot if we leave our street effectively down here.

 

Any how’s I focus on a roast of sorts, truffled mash, fondant carrots, creamed broccoli and a lovely piece of beef fillet that I cover in a sauce made from onions, stock, wine and thyme, reduced to a thick, flavoursome sauce, I know you’re salivating, imagine how I feel knowing I’m going to eat this...

 

Anyhow’s I get home and the better half tells me not to worry she’ll sort the beef, after me telling her GM6 25 minutes, make sure you sear first and cover in a little oil after cutting a little. It’s just under 1/2 a KG, so should be beautiful and pink in the middle with some crisp on the edges.

 

I take the beef out, I can already tell it’s not right. 
 

‘What have you done to this?’

 

’I found a calculation on the internet’

 

‘Why, I told you what to do?’

 

’Just thought I’d make sure. It said (insert wrong formula at twice the length of time necessary)’

 

Cremated, I’m fucking fuming.

 

She’ll be lucky to get a word out of me today. 

 

 

Post it on the foodie thread.

[Bruce Spanner]

Just now, Elite said:

Post it on the foodie thread.

What was left wasn’t food...

[Creator Supreme]

43 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Bruce went to the shop this morning to collect things for a lunch today, something special as we’ve just been told we’ll be shot if we leave our street effectively down here.

 

Any how’s I focus on a roast of sorts, truffled mash, fondant carrots, creamed broccoli and a lovely piece of beef fillet that I cover in a sauce made from onions, stock, wine and thyme, reduced to a thick, flavoursome sauce, I know you’re salivating, imagine how I feel knowing I’m going to eat this...

 

Anyhow’s I get home and the better half tells me not to worry she’ll sort the beef, after me telling her GM6 25 minutes, make sure you sear first and cover in a little oil after cutting a little. It’s just under 1/2 a KG, so should be beautiful and pink in the middle with some crisp on the edges.

 

I take the beef out, I can already tell it’s not right. 
 

‘What have you done to this?’

 

’I found a calculation on the internet’

 

‘Why, I told you what to do?’

 

’Just thought I’d make sure. It said (insert wrong formula at twice the length of time necessary)’

 

Cremated, I’m fucking fuming.

 

She’ll be lucky to get a word out of me today. 

 

 

Bruce, it's just a bit of dinner mate!

[Trumo]

1 minute ago, Creator Supreme said:

Bruce, it's just a bit of dinner mate!

 

Bruce, it's saying something when this guy is trying to look on the bright side!

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

Bruce, it's just a bit of dinner mate!

And as for the meat,you can buy more.

[Captain Howdy]

I could not ever envisage a time when I would have a cleaner

[Harry Squatter]

Hospital appointments are a joke most of the time and even more so at the moment.

 

Had to take my son to an eye clinic at St Helen's hospital the other day. I took a day off as the bellends wouldn't give us an early morning appointment. We drove up to his school, took him out at 12 so he missed his dinner, had to get some food from mcdonalds.

 

Got there ten minutes early, checked in, no fucker was around as it was the first afternoon appointment yet we are still waiting round 30 minutes later and the place has filled up with people standing out in corridors.

 

45 minutes in and no one has been seen and the place is rammed. My Mrs goes in and asks why we are running 45 minutes late when we were the first ones there and had the first appointment, she said the doctor is running behind. Even though there was no one before us. 

 

Wait another 15 minutes and she goes in again and asks whether we are going to be seen and the receptionist reluctantly admits that the doctor hasn't even turned up as he was at Whiston yet was too much of a shithouse to tell us. 

 

Total waste of a day and a pisstake.

 

My mrs has cancelled 4 appointments this year where the same thing has happened, even doctors not being arsed turning up to morning appointments. No matter what time you ever ask for to coincide with your childcare commitments they completely ignore you and keep giving you a time you can't make.

[Harry Squatter]

On 12/12/2020 at 15:50, Section_31 said:

We've had a cleaning company the last few months (yeah I know, but she doesn't have time to do it and doesn't trust me to either, which is a result), but some of their staff do really annoying shit.

 

A couple of them move our stuff around, like the coffee table into the middle of the room or the couch closer to the window. 

 

They moved our kitchen stuff around, literally moved toasters and kettles to the other side of the kitchen. 

 

We have this wire thing in our kettle for cleaning limescale but it looks like a wire sponge, so every week one of them takes it out and puts it in the sink, as if to say "these dickheads put sponges in their kettle".

 

This week, the coup de gras is that one of them has lost our remote control for the smart telly. We asked where it's gone but she's on silent running. 

 

She also turned our toaster down to the lowest setting (?) So my toast this morning looked like michael Jackson.

 

Call me simple minded but if I was a cleaner I'd hoover up and dust and the likes, not put people's cups in the breadbin and turn their beds upside down.

 

Weird bastards.

You need to get a butler like Geoffrey from the Fresh Prince.