Have a rant thread

[Bjornebye]

what about whitney? 

[stringvest]

Last I saw of her she was off to her room with a multipack of Monster Munch. Didn't even get a reacharound.

 

[Champ]

Arranging home insurance. Well, its that time of year again, chez Champ, so after putting it off til I can put it off no more I did the trawl of the best deals yesterday afternoon which took the usual age. I think I've found the same deal with another company but saving me £200, so I call them up and get Clark on the end of the phone. 'Is it all right if I call you Cath and you can call me Clark?' (Yeah, whatever, just get on with it) So he has to read out all the legal blurb and then he starts wanting the fine detail of the additional items to insure, including the month and year they were bought (why does this matter on a new for old policy I'm not quite sure). I need to check the details of one or two items so he agrees to call me back at 15.00, so I stop what I'm doing and come inside to take his call. Has he called yet? Has he fuck. And no, its not Clark I'm calling you now, yer get. I've got stuff I could be doing here but I know as soon as I get up to do something else he's going to call.....

[Bjornebye]

what sort of cunt has a name like Clark anyway. apart from superman whose real name was Kal-El. 

[Champ]

what sort of cunt has a name like Clark anyway. apart from superman whose real name was Kal-El. 

 

Exactly. And who chats back to the call handlers using their names, the socially inept aside 

[Champ]

Arranging home insurance. Well, its that time of year again, chez Champ, so after putting it off til I can put it off no more I did the trawl of the best deals yesterday afternoon which took the usual age. I think I've found the same deal with another company but saving me £200, so I call them up and get Clark on the end of the phone. 'Is it all right if I call you Cath and you can call me Clark?' (Yeah, whatever, just get on with it) So he has to read out all the legal blurb and then he starts wanting the fine detail of the additional items to insure, including the month and year they were bought (why does this matter on a new for old policy I'm not quite sure). I need to check the details of one or two items so he agrees to call me back at 15.00, so I stop what I'm doing and come inside to take his call. Has he called yet? Has he fuck. And no, its not Clark I'm calling you now, yer get. I've got stuff I could be doing here but I know as soon as I get up to do something else he's going to call.....

 

So I run out of patience and call them back. 'Clark' is busy so I have to go through the whole rigmarole with Matthew....we get to setting up the payment and lo and behold, all of their systems have crashed and Matthew's got to call me back when it comes back up.'Thank you for your patience.' Arrrggghhhhhhh...................................

[lifetime fan]

There are other firms...

[Jairzinho]

I'd be sending one round.

[Bjornebye]

Hangovers are fucking horrible. Had a few bevies with my bird and housemate last night, ended up getting a bottle of spiced morgan and drinking 3/4 of the bottle along with about 8 desperados. Feel like shit today. been in bed most of the day apart from a quick trip to the bookies and a bacon and egg butty. Meant to be going out tonight but right now all i want to do is run a bath and have the longest shit on record. 

 

fuck you hangover directing my weekend from your fucking high horse, whats the point in making me feel like this? i ate well yesterday ive been the gym this week and also drink fucking loads of water. go and pick on unhealthy cunts. people will be happily staying in tonight watching fucking x cunt dipping their hands into a box of black magic with a hand down their grotty pants. go and fuck with their bodies, make them throw up, give them a headache, sap all their energy and motivation. go on cunt, go and fucking do it. 

 

please.

 

 

 

ill pay you. 

[lifetime fan]

Hangovers are fucking horrible. Had a few bevies with my bird and housemate last night, ended up getting a bottle of spiced morgan and drinking 3/4 of the bottle along with about 8 desperados. Feel like shit today. been in bed most of the day apart from a quick trip to the bookies and a bacon and egg butty. Meant to be going out tonight but right now all i want to do is run a bath and have the longest shit on record. 

 

fuck you hangover directing my weekend from your fucking high horse, whats the point in making me feel like this? i ate well yesterday ive been the gym this week and also drink fucking loads of water. go and pick on unhealthy cunts. people will be happily staying in tonight watching fucking x cunt dipping their hands into a box of black magic with a hand down their grotty pants. go and fuck with their bodies, make them throw up, give them a headache, sap all their energy and motivation. go on cunt, go and fucking do it. 

 

please.

 

 

 

ill pay you. 

 

 

That's where it went wrong mate. It's all her fault.

[Champ]

There are other firms...

Not that are offering to save me the best part of 300 quid there aren't

[lifetime fan]

Not that are offering to save me the best part of 300 quid there aren't

 

Then give them shit.

 

'You sort me out now or you're not getting my money'!

 

 

*That sounds a bit dodgy for lanky.

[Liverpool lad]

People who spend more time whinging over things than it takes to fix them.  Even when the problem has been fixed they spend more time informing others of what has went on

 

And people who revel in making others look like cunts.

 

And people who are in a grump because they are skint, barren, fallen out with a partner, tired and decide to make your life a fucking misery because they would benefit from a carbon monoxide leak in their dwellings.

 

Some people are lucky they are female otherwise they would be getting a dig in their withered faces

 

And add to that people who are skint because they cannot manage their own finances.  In times of austerity I will not knock anyone who is skint but what I cannot stand is people with no commitments/still living at home blasting through money on clothles, holidays, ale then whinging they are skint.  Some of these daft cunts don't even have cars. 

[Champ]

Then give them shit.

 

'You sort me out now or you're not getting my money'!

 

 

*That sounds a bit dodgy for lanky.

Do you think I've ever given anyone shit?

 

And the lanky thing? What have I done.....you lot are even censoring your posts!

[lifetime fan]

People who spend more time whinging over things than it takes to fix them.  Even when the problem has been fixed they spend more time informing others of what has went on

 

And people who revel in making others look like cunts.

 

And people who are in a grump because they are skint, barren, fallen out with a partner, tired and decide to make your life a fucking misery because they would benefit from a carbon monoxide leak in their dwellings.

 

Some people are lucky they are female otherwise they would be getting a dig in their withered faces

 

And add to that people who are skint because they cannot manage their own finances.  In times of austerity I will not knock anyone who is skint but what I cannot stand is people with no commitments/still living at home blasting through money on clothles, holidays, ale then whinging they are skint.  Some of these daft cunts don't even have cars. 

 

Had mates of the bird round?

[lifetime fan]

Do you think I've ever given anyone shit?

 

And the lanky thing? What have I done.....you lot are even censoring your posts!

 

Give them more shit. It's your money!!!

 

 

Lanky is your son.

 

Ouch...

[Champ]

Give them more shit. It's your money!!!

 

 

Lanky is your son.

 

Ouch...

Who did you think it was?

[Liverpool lad]

Had mates of the bird round?

Not quite

 

Just gobshites I encounter day to day

[jonnybastard]

I was driving home the other day, nice A-road, leads straight through the village, approaching the car in front which was going significantly slower. Woman driver, she appeared to be searching her glove box, probably looking for her make up or a tampon or something. As she saw me pulling out to overtake she floored it, luckily I was up to speed and went past despite her best effort. She then followed me home about a foot from my rear end, nearly going into the back of me when I pulled onto my drive. She stopped and reversed at speed onto my drive, jumped out and said "well that was clearly unsafe, wasn't it?"

"it was that love, good job one of my kids wasn't out, you'd have killed them reversing at that speed"

Ignoring my rather pertinent point she continued "I'm a police officer, and luckily for you I'm off duty at the moment (she was pregnant) you overtook two vehicles in one manouvre back there"

"what, you and the cyclist you mean?" (there had been a cyclist ahead of us, I'd overtaken her then continued past him).

"yes and if I wasn't off duty you would be in a considerable amount of trouble right now"

I was almost speechless at the stupidity of what she was saying, but as my Dad used to say 'never argue with coppers, bouncers or women, it's a hiding to nothing.

"so you're a police officer?" I asked

"oh yes" she replied, proably thinking I was now shitting my pants

"but you're off duty?" I continued

"for the moment" she answered

"well fuck off off my drive, you're trespassing" I told her before walking into the house.

[Liverpool lad]

Came down stairs and found that somebody had pissed on the front of the Ll mobile

[stringvest]

Everyone's a fucking critic these days.

[General Dryness]

Came down stairs and found that somebody had pissed on the front of the Ll mobile

 

FFS don't open the glovebox.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Jony Ive and his buds at Apple, if it was not bad enough to catch myself swiping across the screen like a fucktard on the MacBook, I'm now also trying to unlock my iPad with me thumb and looking fucking stupid, while the bastard thing tells me to swipe to unlock - thanks to the fingerprint sensor on the new phones. I'm getting too old for this shit.

 

 

 

[Remmie]

If anyone cares I got in Australia no problem, Fly to Sydney tomorrow from a boss time in Perth. Guess I could still get a fine on the way out.

[lifetime fan]

If anyone cares I got in Australia no problem, Fly to Sydney tomorrow from a boss time in Perth. Guess I could still get a fine on the way out.

Nice one Rem, enjoy!