Golf tips needed!!

[AL66GOLF]

And finally....

 

Three men gathered together for a round of golf on Mother's Day.

 

The men were quite surprised at being `let go' for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

 

The first man said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go."

 

The second man said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go."

 

The third man said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: "Golf course or inter-course," and she said: I'll put your clubs in the car."

[MAC5]

Drive for show

Putt for dough.

[dave u]

I'll pay attention to this thread once The Skip has added his golfing top tips.

 

EDIT and not posing pictures.

 

Tips on technique are no good to be fair, as you'll never remember them when you're standing over the ball on the course. Those things are fine when you're on the driving range practicing, as you can try out different things and see if they work for you, but there's nothing anyone can really say to make you play better on a course in my opinion.

 

Practice is the key, but if you don't have the time to do it then the best tip I can give is don't lose your rag when things go wrong. We've all been there, but not once have I ever played any better because I got pissed off with myself. All it does is fuck your game up even more.

 

The ability to be able to put a bad shot - or more importantly a bad hole - out of your mind makes a massive difference.

 

Saying that, it really is easier said than done. Club throwers tend to shoot shit scores though, remember that.

[AL66GOLF]

A lesson from a pro to ensure you have the basics like grip, stance and posture correct would be a good start. Then a little bit of practice to try and develop some sort of swing.

[Owen]

Tell everyone you play off 28...

[Guest TK-421]

Roger Mellie - Celebrity Golf. This will tell you all you need to know. Also I shot 32 on the TLW Arcade Mini Golf yesterday and started a Tourny, join up quick because places are limited.

 

mYglDJUtGBE

[AL66GOLF]

Dress like me:

 

 

Dave,

 

I know I am going to get negged but rumour has it that you are "An Anna Kournakova" - Look great but unlikely to get a result!

 

Some other golf shot terms:

A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer

A Karl Marx - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it

An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

A sister in law - you're up there but you know you shouldn't be

[Paul]

Take a few bevvies (or other intoxicants, be they legal or otherwise, that might add to the enjoyment of the day).

Let people who know what they're doing "play through".

Have a laugh.

Regard anything under 200 as a fucking miracle.

[robbief]

Dave,

 

I know I am going to get negged but rumour has it that you are "An Anna Kournakova" - Look great but unlikely to get a result!

 

Some other golf shot terms:

A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer

A Karl Marx - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it

An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

A sister in law - you're up there but you know you shouldn't be

 

my 'sister in law' is fit as fuck. i would be up there all week.

[dave u]

The only thing stopping me getting the results is all the bandits out there. We've had three golf days (two majors and one regular tour event), and each time I've either had the lowest or joint lowest score, but when you've got the likes of Brownie and Owen crying it in with high handicaps, what chance do you have?

 

Saying that, the day I wore that outfit I played absolute dogshit, and I've never worn it since. You have to be able to walk the walk when you dress like that. I was like Bruno Cheyrou in his white boots that day.

[RedKnight]

Didn't you win the tour event?

[Owen]

It was worth it though, young David.

[AL66GOLF]

The only thing stopping me getting the results is all the bandits out there. We've had three golf days (two majors and one regular tour event), and each time I've either had the lowest or joint lowest score, but when you've got the likes of Brownie and Owen crying it in with high handicaps, what chance do you have?

 

Saying that, the day I wore that outfit I played absolute dogshit, and I've never worn it since. You have to be able to walk the walk when you dress like that. I was like Bruno Cheyrou in his white boots that day.

 

I agree with you about all the bandits.

If it was up to me max handicap would be 10.

[bazbailey]

I would agree with the 100 yards in theory.

 

I would disagree with the dont hit it hard theory - I get so annoyed with some of my mates who have a fairly nice swing but dont hit the ball hard enough. That is OK if you want to shoot 100 but you will never get better. One of them recently changed to hitting the ball harder and hasnt looked back. In fairness though, they had already played a bit so hitting the ball wasnt an issue.

 

Also, dont worry if your swing looks a bit odd so long as it works - my swing is something between Furyk and Charles Barkley (see YouTube - Charles Barkley's Golf Swing) - as long as it works is all you need to worry about

[bazbailey]

The only thing stopping me getting the results is all the bandits out there. We've had three golf days (two majors and one regular tour event), and each time I've either had the lowest or joint lowest score, but when you've got the likes of Brownie and Owen crying it in with high handicaps, what chance do you have?

 

Saying that, the day I wore that outfit I played absolute dogshit, and I've never worn it since. You have to be able to walk the walk when you dress like that. I was like Bruno Cheyrou in his white boots that day.

 

What are you playing off these days Dave?

[Paul]

What are you playing off these days Dave?

 

A tee?

 

*Takes Hermes mask off and hangs head in shame.*

[Fugitive]

...

[The-Sir]

I've just bought my first set of clubs, had a little practice on the field by ours.

 

Oh my dear lord I'm atrocious. How do I get at least respectable? Haha!

[Fugitive]

Top tip for the Summer:

 

When the School holidays come around, be extra watchful when you tee off as there are little twats in the bushes who run out and rob you fucking balls and then sell them on to other people around the course.

 

It happened to me yesterday.

[Anny Road]

The only thing stopping me getting the results is all the bandits out there. We've had three golf days (two majors and one regular tour event), and each time I've either had the lowest or joint lowest score, but when you've got the likes of Brownie and Owen crying it in with high handicaps, what chance do you have?

 

Saying that, the day I wore that outfit I played absolute dogshit, and I've never worn it since. You have to be able to walk the walk when you dress like that. I was like Bruno Cheyrou in his white boots that day.

Should do at the TLW what we do at our fun day. We allow people to play off 28 but they must play every shot wearing a sombero, pouncho (sp) and fake handlebar mustache. All supplied by the club.

It sorts the men from the boys.

[paulie walnuts]

When you are putting,mark your ball, then when you put your ball back down,place it with the manufacturers name pointing in the direction that you want to hit the ball.Line the brand name up with the marker on the top of your putter and away you go.

[The-Sir]

I've just bought my first set of clubs, had a little practice on the field by ours.

 

Oh my dear lord I'm atrocious. How do I get at least respectable? Haha!

 

Bump de bump.

[wiiksie]

Bump de bump.

Mate, here are some things I've picked up in my first couple of weeks of smacking golf balls around:

 

Line up the club first with your target, then align your feet/shoulders etc with the club.

 

When hitting woods, line up the ball with the inside of your left ankle, when hitting irons, line up the ball somewhere between your left ankle and the middle of your feet.

 

When playing irons, hands should be slightly forward of the ball.

 

Your weight should be nicely balanced in the middle of your feet, not too far back or too far forward.

 

Arms shouldn't be too straight when you set yourself.

 

A good analogy for getting the swing right is to think of completing the swing properly, rather than hitting the ball (if that makes sense). The ball is just an object in the way of the swing.

 

When I did my first range session, I did half swings to get the feeling of hitting the ball properly. Then you sort of work up to the full monty swing.

 

These things have all helped me, the difference in a couple of weeks has been huge.

 

Interested to see if the veterans on here think any of these things are a load of shite and should be done differently...

[bazbailey]

wiiksie - agree with all of that

[dave u]

What are you playing off these days Dave?

 

Baz, I haven't even picked up a club since the last golfday, which was what, 14 months ago or something? Even so, you know atk will have me playing off 14 at the most next time we tee it up.

 

Thing is though, I spent that much time practising when I was younger, my swing is just automatic now. I just need half an hour on the range to get my timing right and I can probably play to 14, even after a year off.

 

Are you off scratch yet?