What would you do if you discovered your missus is an alcoholic

[jfk]

Serious subject guys. Been going on for a while. Missus has said she's an A. Her mum was too.

 

Difficult domestic situation as we have an 8 year old lass. I have a 12 year old with my ex that the missus has known since she was 3. House is the missus, we've been together 10 years.

 

Don't really want to post too much else. Just that it's pretty shit, she's a bit in denial, doesn't want to do the aa , is seeing a counsellor though. I've been to al-anon meetings and find them quite helpful.

 

Recently feel that things taking a bit of a downturn in my mind, not sure if the relationship will last long term. .. :-(

[cracko]

But her lad

[cracko]

Bum her lad

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Help her. Try explaining that her issues with booze are driving you downward. That if she doesn't get help, You can see the family splitting and you don't want that.

 

Either that, or crack open a couple of bottles and bum her senseless.

[Guest davelfc]

As any alcoholic will tell you "you fucking looking at me, you fucking looking at me, you bastard, fuck you... hey you're alright you, you you're alright,  you're my mate, i love you."

 

Anyway, others will tell you that once you're an alcoholic, that's it they're never cured. I've seen people I know slowly descend into alcoholism and I know people that use alcohol to get through each day because of traumatic events in their lives. One of my mates had a wife that was an alcoholic, she still is as far as I know but she's not his wife anymore. I have friends that i would class as alcoholics. Every now and then they reveal the extent of their drinking but if you start to say anything they clam up and backtrack.

 

One friend started with a few cans at the weekend, then it was a couple each night after work. In the end it was a litre bottle of white lightning a night washed down with half a bottle of whisky. 

 

I don't really have an addictive personality, I don't smoke and I have never done drugs. I drink but rarely and mainly socially. One rule I have is that I never drink alone, I've seen how badly that can end.

 

None this helps you but I would suggest trying anywhere else than here for advice because bumming her is the best I can also come up with. Sorry.

[littletedwest]

She needs accept it mate. My dad is an alcoholic. Put this on here before but he was a functioning alcoholic. Went pub every night.Because he never drank at home or drank spirits he thought he wasn't.For his 40th we went to Spain.For his 50th we went to a nice restaurant. By his 60th he was homeless and me and the Mrs took him to a Wetherspoons.

My mum left him before that. It was the right move. He has an illness called korsacoffs now. Basically he is still intelligent and very much so but his short term memory is fucked. He is in a care home now my mum still takes him out for a coffee and stuff bless her.

 

main point is acceptance is the key, without that she won't move forward.

[Lee909]

Sorry to say but like any other addiction until the person wants help there is little you can do. Sadly sometime that means things going really badly and the addict needing to hit rock bottom. My dad got involved in drugs and it took him being booted out,loosing most of his family (brothers to young to understand and blamed everyone but him),then loosing the roof over his head and ending up on the street. He then started drinking but happy to say he is clean and not drinking,living in a house and while things will never be the same between its all in the past now.

 

Hope things work out for you both

[Alan Sex]

Sit down and talk to her about it. Offer to never have one yourself if that would help her give it up.

 

Unfortunately the only one that can make the decision to stop is her. She owns the problem, not you.

 

If you try non aa counseling etc and stuff it may help.

 

Also try to get counseling yourself to learn how to deal with your own feelings about it.

 

A long road and if she goes too far down the road you may end up binning her eventually.

 

Bum the counselor.

[Liverpool lad]

Such a difficult subject and you have to make sure you approach them on neutral ground when discussing their problem.

 

Maybe in a pub

[littletedwest]

Also with my dad, they self justify. So they always know someone worse than them and use that as a point of reference.So my dad knew plenty in pub worse than him so he just knew he wasn't as bad as them. pretty much all of them are dead.

 

on a funny note when I told him I was on a stag do for three days and told him I couldn't booze for three day he told me his record was seven years on trot. true as well.

[ZonkoVille77]

Booze is a crutch for dealing with modern life. Governments love it that way. If we were all sober we'd be ousting the cunts in power and maybe all living in a fairer society. When your wife looks for assistance, only voluntary assistance will be available because the government don't care to help. Then she'll meet like minded people and could go either way. Horrible situation for you and your family but the only thing you can do is be there for her and be strong. It's an illness and needs to be treated as such. Look after the kids most importantly or history will repeat itself again

[littletedwest]

Dennis is that you?

 

nonsense that mate no offence.From practical experience there is a lot of help available but you have to want it.

[Rico1304]

Good luck, it can't be any fun.

 

I think the rock bottom bit is true.

[Paul]

If she doesn't acknowledge her alcoholism or truly want to change, she won't stop.

[Adebisi]

I'd probably keep quiet and know my place. Alcoholics can be violent. 

But in all seriousness I dunno what to suggest mate. I'm not a professional I don't know the right way about doing these things. I think a combination of love and hard truths are what I'd go for. My brother went through a bad spell with the drink and became a real cunt but I think he was drinking through some problems as now he's alright. Still enjoys a drink but never gets aggressive. My best mate likes the drink a bit too much as well. We've all tried talking to him but he gets defensive and makes out he doesn't have a problem. The tragic thing with him is he's an incredibly intelligent man who never fails to make you laugh. He can get very confrontational and offensive and I know the group is sick of making excuses for him at social events but unfortunate not enough people know the real guy. He's everything a bloke should be, he just can't control his drinking. 

All the best mate, alcoholism is a real bastard. Drinking is likely to be the only time they're happy so you take that away from them and all those other emotions they've been bottling up are probably going to come out. 
 

[melons]

She's admitted there is an addiction, thats a huge step. Allow her to deal with that at least before embarking on the next issue such as seeking help for it. It can take years to realise there is some form of alcohol dependency, it can't be fixed overnight. 

 

I'd suggest i'd support her, but at least give myself some frame of time reference. My mum has used alcohol in the past, she'll deny she was ever an alcoholic yet admit she was a junky. Step dad was a functioning alcoholic until the day he died of cancer. My mum stayed with him, despite his alcoholism affecting her and making her life a misery. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But I would suggest you give her some time to get her head straight and see a path, if she then wants to remain dependent on alcohol, it's her choice and you have to make your own choices about how to address it, be it leaving or staying. 

 

Sadly with their being kids involved it's not that simple as the flip side is to mitigate any impact they might feel as a result of both your decisions. 

 

You're quite closed in what you're saying, you said you've been to AA, but was that as a partner or someone who considered themselves to be dependent? 

[littletedwest]

Al anon is for families of alcoholics I think melons so not same as aa

[melons]

Al anon is for families of alcoholics I think melons so not same as aa

 

Ah, didn't know that. 

[The_Goat]

Serious subject guys. Been going on for a while. Missus has said she's an A. Her mum was too.

 

Difficult domestic situation as we have an 8 year old lass. I have a 12 year old with my ex that the missus has known since she was 3. House is the missus, we've been together 10 years.

 

Don't really want to post too much else. Just that it's pretty shit, she's a bit in denial, doesn't want to do the aa , is seeing a counsellor though. I've been to al-anon meetings and find them quite helpful.

 

Recently feel that things taking a bit of a downturn in my mind, not sure if the relationship will last long term. .. :-(

 

 

Probably right. Not the right time to be sorting out the car in my opinion.

[jfk]

Cheers for the replies. It's a pretty shit situation to be in. I do find al-anon meetings to help. I've not been confrontation. Just a bit depressed as i know what the world of addiction can feel like.

 

I dunno, i haven't really worked it out in my head really yet.

[littletedwest]

It's tough mate. All the best. Do your best but there's a point at which you have to look after you not just her

[razor]

But her lad

 

Bum her lad

 

This made me laugh more than it should have done.  Sorry.

[Fowlers God]

First thing first, your child and you are the priority. The only person that can look after your partner and change is her.

 

You may want to support her in changing but do not under any circumstances let this be to the detrimental affect on your child. They are going to have to deal with.their mum having an addiction if she can't beat it so doesn't need to go through the battle themselves.

 

Also sometimes the best form of help is tough love. I would suggest however when they hit rock bottom you supply them with enough love as possible.

 

Unfortunately reading your initial post it sounds like they are not at rock bottom yet, if they where then they would be willing to do absolutely anything to beat it.

 

Good Luck to all of you involved, just remember that all of you suffer the consequences of an alcoholic not just the addicted.

[Major Tom]

Bum her lad

 

Grammar is everything.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Grammar is everything.

Heh, that's what I thought when I first read it.