Great expectations

[Karl_b]

Prompted by a facebook discussion about Coachella, a thread about your expectations in life and whether you feel you have achieved them or ever will.

 

Ever since my late teens I've had this huge urge to travel and see the world and maybe even try my chances at living in another country but the older I get the more distant it seems. I keep thinking I'm a victim of circumstance (mostly of my own creation) but I start to wonder if I'm just kidding myself.

 

I made a career decision at 16 that meant I was going to be in education/training for the next decade; this was (and still is) absolutely what I want, my determination to be an architect has never been higher and hopefully in 6 months time I'll achieve that. I have a job I enjoy and that has helped me get qualified; with the state of the industry I've been grateful to hold on to a job for so long and with a company that I could have a long term future with. I've been telling myself that I'll get qualified and then go off and travel and try other things before coming back to it but then the world went to shit and I keep telling myself I'm lucky to have a job and when there are so few jobs in the countries I want to move to what am I going to do?

 

Then there's my personal life, I moved in with the girlfriend just under a year ago and it's easily the best thing I ever did. Now we're thinking that whilst we have a bit of money we should do the sensible thing and buy a house and all of a sudden I'm in my mid-twenties and I'm thinking of buying a house and a dog and settling in Sheffield wondering what the hell happened to those travel ambitions. I really want to move to Vancouver and a couple of years ago we both decided that's what we wanted to do when the other half moved from Lincoln to Sheffield she decided she already missed her family too much so moving abroad was out.

 

Now we seem to have both settled for buying a house and then having longer holidays but I'm not sure it'll ever be enough for me, I certainly don't want to regret it in my later years.

 

Anyway, this probably seems like a self-pitying woo is me scenario but it really isn't. Life is pretty rosy, and not everybody can say that. I think I'm impatient as much as anything and I think I set out with inflated expectations of what I should get from the world; it seems so many of my generation thought that their ambition in life should be to go back-packing through the trails of South America. In a very long winded way I guess I'm saying that I had such aspirations and still don't know whether I'll achieve them but if I don't then I don't think I'll be disappointed with the way things turn out.

 

What about everyone else, have you given up on your great expectations?

[Tom R]

Dude, I know EXACTLY what you mean.

 

I was in a very similar boat a few years back. I never got to go travelling after I never went to Uni, like many of my friends, as I was in a relationship.

I always had the inkling to go abroad and always promised myself that i would do.

My now ex-wife would never even entertain the conversation of us moving abroad, even for a year or so, and I always had a rumbling of resentment inside me which I know affected our marriage and our relationship.

 

We got divorced in the end, and I've still never been travelling.

 

Hope this helps!

[Section_31]

Karl you're only in your mid-20s mate! A woman my mum knows took a career break (she was 40-odd) and went traveling. Even if you own a house what's to stop you renting it out for a year while you go traveling? It's never too late to do the things you want.

 

I've never really had any clear ambitions save not to end up being a bum. I don't think much about success or failure but seem to follow certain impulses that pop into my brain. When I was at school I did okay even though I hated the place and a lot of the teachers thought I wouldn't achieve anything (the deputy head tried to talk me into being a builder and was reluctant to tell the college I'd applied to that I should be accepted to do A Levels - he also called me Chris for six years)

 

He backed down in the end and I got into college - which I'd applied to on a whim while at a St George's Hall career fair that I'd gone to purely to get the afternoon off school. I failed all my A levels (it was a one year course and a 90 minute bus ride each way, daft in hindsight). While shopping with my mum a few months later I saw an banner at another college saying 'enrolling now'. I went in on a whim, picked my A Levels on a whim, and passed them all (getting two As and got a college award for coming top in humanities)

 

Towards the end of my course I was asked what Uni I was going to, I said I hadn't thought about it, but the tutor said I should apply and could always pull out before I started so I thought 'yeah fuck it'. I applied to Liverpool Uni, but was warned against it by the college head of school who said they were only taking 'the best', I applied anyway and was snapped up.

 

I stayed for six months, hated it, and quit. A few months later after bumming around I saw a John Moores prospectus, flicked through it, saw a course which had a module in computer games, applied and got in. I really struggled with the subject and was failing half way through, so I switched courses (after much agitation with the uni's senior management) and managed to blag a third.

 

From that course I got into an outsourcing job based in Speke which was full of scum, absolutely dreaded every day of it, one day I was bored and emailed some bloke at The Echo and asked how to get into journalism. He asked me to call him and gave me some great advice. I applied for a post grad and scraped through the entrance exam, I hardly ever went - it was an 18 week course and I spent about 10 weeks of it in my local gym's jacuzzi. I told them I was ill and they sent me the course notes, but I passed the course.

 

I went for an interview with a senior bod in the newspaper industry and seemed to make an impression but there was a recruitment freeze. I bummed around at various soulless temping jobs for ages, one of which included working on my own in a warehouse from 1-9.30pm every day. I then got a job as a payroll temp and hated it. I went on holiday and had the time of my life, decided I couldn't go back and so - on my first day back - turned the car around and went home. They never saw me again. As miracles would have it, a lad I knew at the local paper quit his job a few days later - a mate told me he'd quit, he didn't tell me himself because he's vindictive like t hat, he didn't want me to have it.

 

While I made plans to apply for it I was offered an interview for an IT job for more money than I'm on now, but I'd managed to blag some work experience at another paper and taking the IT job just felt 'wrong'. I went to the interview out of politeness and spent half an hour talking myself out of it. The two bosses laughed and said it was the strangest interview they'd ever conducted, but offered me the job anyway - I declined.

 

I did the work experience for a few days and impressed, and was offered the job I've now been in for four years.

 

I'm dyslexic, I only found out at 23 when I was trying to blag a free computer, and it's no doubt hampered me (the woman who interviewed me for the journo course said the staff had all wondered whey 'someone who couldn't spell would want to be a journalist', hmm it's not quite that simple), but I'm a dyslexic journalist.

 

None of my entire extended family work, let alone have a career, none have ever been to uni, none have ever been abroad or on a plane (I've been to Spain, Greece, Poland, Vegas and New York - a lifelong ambition) I've interviewed Gordon Brown, George Osborne, Patrick Moore and David Simon, I've been nominated for North West feature writer of the year (even though I'm not a feature writer), and have the kind of friends I couldn't have even dreamed of 10 years ago, I couldn't have designed better mates, they're all boss.

 

I suppose I've done alright in hindsight. I've no idea how, I've moved through life on instinct and impulse rather than planning, but the strange thing is - even when i was cleaning bogs and ashtrays or sat on my own in a warehouse I wasn't arsed, it was water off a duck's back, I never felt like a failure, I live most of my day and my life in my own head, and when I've done decent things in life I've not felt the need to shout about it. I just don't want to be a bum and waste my life, it's boredom that drives me mainly.

[Tom R]

On a more serious note though, as our separation document was being draughted I was offered an unbelievable job in Dubai. 1 year contract, with a paid for house, a driver to take me and pick me up from work in a big Merc and a six figure tax free salary.

It would have sorted me out good and proper and I was about 3 weeks away from leaving for Dubai.

 

It was at this point i met my now wife, Sarah, and I've never looked back since.

 

I postponed the job, and then a week or two later I turned it down. Not going was the greatest thing I've ever done in my pathetic life.

 

I'm not one for over sentimentality but I definitely believe that things happen for a reason.

 

It wasn't that I was unhappy cos I felt I wanted to travel and see the world. In my case, I just didn't want to be in that marriage and that was my way of running away from it.

I might never travel the world now, but I don't care.

I don't see settling and having kids with my new wife as "settling" in any way, it just feels like it was I was always meant to do and I wouldn't change it for anything.

[Karl_b]

Karl you're only in your mid-20s mate!

 

Top post Section (don't you get bored of people saying that?!) but I'll focus on this bit.

 

I know it's perhaps bonkers to think that way at my age but it's not that I've given in, more that I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I also know I'm impatient and really should have more perspective.

 

Right now nothing would make me happier than buying a house with the good lady, getting her the dog she's been wanting ever since I've known her and being happy in both our jobs. I'm 26 in a month and within a year hope to have bought a house, I'm exceptionally fortunate and need to appreciate that not everything has to be done straight away.

 

My parents are a great example, they got married at 23, had me at 25 (which is scary, I couldn't contemplate being a father at my age) and spent the next 20 years doing everything possible for me and my sister, we turned out alright. Dad has slowly worked his way up in his job and earns enough to pay for their house, a few breaks and holidays a year and plenty to spoil their grand-daughter (my niece) with. So I can even see that I don't need to do everything now.

 

I guess after my career choice I'm at the next big decision in my life, I'm currently sacrificing things I'd love to do for the sake of the greater good (I'd love to go to Coachella next year, which is what started this) and it's hard to face up to trying to be a grown up.

[King Gheedorah]

On a more serious note though, as our separation document was being draughted I was offered an unbelievable job in Dubai. 1 year contract, with a paid for house, a driver to take me and pick me up from work in a big Merc and a six figure tax free salary.

It would have sorted me out good and proper and I was about 3 weeks away from leaving for Dubai.

 

It was at this point i met my now wife, Sarah, and I've never looked back since.

 

I postponed the job, and then a week or two later I turned it down. Not going was the greatest thing I've ever done in my pathetic life.

 

I'm not one for over sentimentality but I definitely believe that things happen for a reason.

 

It wasn't that I was unhappy cos I felt I wanted to travel and see the world. In my case, I just didn't want to be in that marriage and that was my way of running away from it.

I might never travel the world now, but I don't care.

I don't see settling and having kids with my new wife as "settling" in any way, it just feels like it was I was always meant to do and I wouldn't change it for anything.

 

 

You would deffo get publically hung for bumming someone over there.

Thank your wife for being there at the right time.

[Tom R]

Top post Section (don't you get bored of people saying that?!) but I'll focus on this bit.

 

I know it's perhaps bonkers to think that way at my age but it's not that I've given in, more that I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I also know I'm impatient and really should have more perspective.

 

Right now nothing would make me happier than buying a house with the good lady, getting her the dog she's been wanting ever since I've known her and being happy in both our jobs. I'm 26 in a month and within a year hope to have bought a house, I'm exceptionally fortunate and need to appreciate that not everything has to be done straight away.

 

My parents are a great example, they got married at 23, had me at 25 (which is scary, I couldn't contemplate being a father at my age) and spent the next 20 years doing everything possible for me and my sister, we turned out alright. Dad has slowly worked his way up in his job and earns enough to pay for their house, a few breaks and holidays a year and plenty to spoil their grand-daughter (my niece) with. So I can even see that I don't need to do everything now.

 

I guess after my career choice I'm at the next big decision in my life, I'm currently sacrificing things I'd love to do for the sake of the greater good (I'd love to go to Coachella next year, which is what started this) and it's hard to face up to trying to be a grown up.

 

 

Dude, I'm 33 this year and I still don't know what I want to be when i grow up!

My dad said the same thing about 6 months before he died.

 

I don't think anybody needs a clearly laid out career path at one job either. That's bullshit to me, but I can see why some people need it.

i just take a view that whatever I'm doing I'll do it the best I can, and that applies to work, home, friends, music, whatever it is I do. At least then I can say I never cheated myself and I can never say that i didn't try, even if I don't always succeed (which I generally do anyway, being the hero that I am)

 

Don't live your life with specific goals and targets, just do the best you can every day in whatever it is you're doing and good things WILL happen.

[Karl_b]

BELIEVE

[Karl_b]

Oh and the career path is just that I knew it would take me a while to get qualified so I set out to do that as soon as I could, as well as I could. I want to be an architect but there are so many other things that I can see myself doing that have opened up because of choosing to do that.

 

Maybe I think too much about these things instead of just going along with it.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

33? Fuck off Tom, we are never the same age.

[RJ Fan club]

33? Fuck off Tom, we are never the same age.

 

To be fair, he probably had a paper round at Dicko's.

 

A mixture of their, long rounds, shopbikes and Blundellsands driveways will age you badly.

[TheBitch]

Where to start......

 

Karl, I'm going travelling in September, people are probably bored of me mentioning this I know.

 

I've wanted to do it since I was 19 but finished my apprenticeship and got a 'job for life' at what was ICI in Runcorn. I was in a relationship and just rolled and rolled with the punches through everyday life, content with what was happening.

 

Was with the missus for about 5 years, then saw another young lady that I'd always liked, binned the 1st got with the ex. Was with her for 7 years, house, mortgage and all that good stuff, then I really fucked things up, thought the grass was greener on the other side. Binned her. Still feel like a cunt now.

 

The grass wasn't greener, even though I've never done more shagging in the last 9 months than in the previous 29 years, the grass still probably isn't greener.

 

Anyway, I decided at that point I had to go travelling so have been saving since.

 

I still have the house with the ex, it's being rented out (well I currently need someone in it).

 

What I'm eventually getting to, is that I'm 31 this year and fucking off alone, you've got plenty of time yet.

 

Even if you get a house and mortgage, you'll be able to rent it out. Also you've got a good trade and will always be able to get work if/when you want to come back.

 

BELIEVE.

[Section_31]

Another thing you've got going for you Karl is that you've got a profession, it's something you can leave and pick up whenever, and wherever you want. Even if you're out of work you're still an architect - and you always will be. If you're really adamant about going traveling maybe yous should do a little three month stint and see what happens?

[TheBitch]

Also, in respone to the original OP, I've always wanted to climb Everest.

 

I realise that's not going to happen, the place fascinates and scares the fuck out of me equally.

 

I WILL climb Mount Kilimanjaro though. I realise this is small fry in comparison, but I'll do it anyway.

[Kevin D]

On a more serious note though, as our separation document was being draughted I was offered an unbelievable job in Dubai. 1 year contract, with a paid for house, a driver to take me and pick me up from work in a big Merc and a six figure tax free salary.

It would have sorted me out good and proper and I was about 3 weeks away from leaving for Dubai.

 

It was at this point i met my now wife, Sarah, and I've never looked back since.

 

I postponed the job, and then a week or two later I turned it down. Not going was the greatest thing I've ever done in my pathetic life.

 

I'm not one for over sentimentality but I definitely believe that things happen for a reason.

 

It wasn't that I was unhappy cos I felt I wanted to travel and see the world. In my case, I just didn't want to be in that marriage and that was my way of running away from it.

I might never travel the world now, but I don't care.

I don't see settling and having kids with my new wife as "settling" in any way, it just feels like it was I was always meant to do and I wouldn't change it for anything.

 

God forbid.

[Section_31]

Also, in respone to the original OP, I've always wanted to climb Everest.

 

I realise that's not going to happen, the place fascinates and scares the fuck out of me equally.

 

I WILL climb Mount Kilimanjaro though. I realise this is small fry in comparison, but I'll do it anyway.

 

Why not?

[RJ Fan club]

Also, in respone to the original OP, I've always wanted to climb Everest.

 

I realise that's not going to happen, the place fascinates and scares the fuck out of me equally.

 

I WILL climb Mount Kilimanjaro though. I realise this is small fry in comparison, but I'll do it anyway.

 

A friend of a friend recently died climbing to basecamp. It's fuck dangerous.

 

I'd do it, so long as they had a little railway to take you up there.

[TheBitch]

Why not?

 

Ha ha ha, I know what you're getting at, anything's possible if you REALLY want to.

 

It costs a fortune, needs lots of training and time dedicating to it. It'd be the single most incredible achievement of my miserable life if I could. If I REALLY want to though..........

 

Also, as RJ has kindly pointed out 'it's fuck dangerous'.

[Section_31]

I want to see Hong Kong, Tokyo and the east coast of Oz, after that I'll be happy to slip away to Avalon. Could never be arsed with travelling in the backpacking sense, I don't sweat well.

[Strontium]

I haven't even come close to doing everything I wanted to do or fulfilling my potential in life. Because I am lazy.

[RJ Fan club]

I want to see Hong Kong, Tokyo and the east coast of Oz, after that I'll be happy to slip away to Avalon. Could never be arsed with travelling in the backpacking sense, I don't sweat well.

 

At one point I thought I would like to visit every country in the world. I've revised that down to every continent.

 

I will do it. Two to go. Four if you count the Arctic and Antarctica.

[Yozzer]

Section is one cool motherfucker.

 

I think traveling to New York is definately one of my ambitions.

[neko]

I would only add that, for Karl and anyone else, achieving these things usually comes easier early in adulthood.

 

Having a career, a house, a wife, a dog might make it seem like it's slipping away, but it doesn't have too.

 

Not many people have accomplished all of the above by your age. So long as your wife/girlfriend shares the same worldly ambitions, you'll be able to achieve these things.

 

Even if she doesn't, you don't need to scrap it all just yet. You've got time, young Jedi.

 

I have to admit that I'm pretty happy and settled (career/house/wife/cats) but we both did a lot of travelling earlier in our lives, and worked in other countries.

 

Vancouver will always be here for you (unless it falls into the ocean). To cheer you up, it's been cold and wet since October.

[Pony Princess]

i realized last year that work and money go hand in hand and even though there are loads of things i want to do, i have to work to make them happen as they all cost money.

 

Next year I am going to Flagstaff, hiring a motorbike and riding to Monument Valley, Area 51 (Groom Lake),Grand Canyon, Vegas and San Fran.

 

Anyone is welcome to come with me. I reckon Section will for sure, this sounds like right up his alley

[Tom R]

33? Fuck off Tom, we are never the same age.

 

I know I of course look far more amazing than you, but you're just in the same boat as everyone else on earth. you can't fight it, it is what it is.

 

 

 

In other news, and speaking of Everest. I used to work with a guy who was the world's most amazing bullshitter.

He once told us that on his forthcoming holiday he was climbing Everest, and we were all, of course, very suitably impressed despite our doubts - what with him only having booked about a week off or something. Afterall, what do we know about climbling Everest? Who were we to kill a man's dream?

 

Aanyhoo, a good while later on a work night out with "partners" one of us asked his bird (somewhat tongue in cheek) about the time when he "climbed Everest" last year, or whenever it was, and how proud she must be of him etc.

 

She replied with something like, "Everest? Eh? Do you mean when we went to Snowden with my folks in April?"

Priceless.

 

Moral of the story - why bother climbing Everest for real when you can just convince yourself that you have!

 

And on that note, I'm off to bed. Cameron Diaz and Angelina Jolie are waiting, pissing on each other.

Cheers.