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Premier League Round Up (Apr 11-14 2019)

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The weekend's action kicked off on Friday night with that Ayoze Perez los… wait, I prmosied I wouldn’t call him a loser any more after he scored against City. I’ll start again. The weekend's action kicked off on Friday night with Ayoze Perez scoring the only goal of the game as Newcastle secured their safety with an unexpected win at Leicester. 

 

Although Leicester should have had a penalty they didn’t really do enough to deserve anything as Brendan got well and truly Rafa’d. Newcastle have looked half decent at times since the turn of the year and I’m already having visions of them camping in their own box against us and taking points off us with a corner that goes in off Paul Dummett’s left arse cheek. *shudders* 

 

Rondon has been in good form since the turn of the year and has suddenly become some kind of dead ball wizard. He’s had some belting free-kicks in recent weeks, so we’ll need to be wary of that. I’d also be happier if the 'worm with eyebrows' broke his duck before we play them too. He still hasn’t scored since his big money move in January and Mike Ashley will be buzzing as it means he can tell Rafa there's no more cash to spend because he wasted it on that turd.

 

Speaking of turds, it’s not been a great week for the Mancs. They were (by Ole’s own admission) outplayed at home by West Ham and needed two penalties from Pogba to fluke the win. Of course Pogba posed and preened after both pens as though he’d actually done something befitting of a player who gets the hype he does. He’s never, ever, done anything befitting of the hype he gets. And yes, I’m aware he won a World Cup. The point stands.

 

In typical fashion, Pobga went missing a few days later when United completely made a show of themselves in Camp Nou. They’re just shite, and it baffles me how some Reds are thinking there’s a chance they’ll take points off City. They won’t. Not because they won’t try, but because they’re shite. They’ll be lucky to hold City to three goals, although I do reckon they’ve got it in them to possibly score a couple (Rashford, Martial and Lukaku are all dangerous and Pogba is... well Pogba is quite good at pens) so they might at least make it interesting. 

 

I’ve got more faith in Burnley taking points from City than these losers though. They rode their luck during that winning run they had and some people were taken in by it, including the United board who gave the Goblin the job permanently. Since that happened they’ve lost virtually every game. Great isn't it? 

 

Last week I was taking the piss about that “Ole’s at the wheel” chant, but it’s even more ridiculous than I realised. I didn’t know the lyrics last week, only that they had a song with that line in and I was sick of hearing it. Turns out another line from it goes “We’ve got Sanchez, Paul Pogba and Fred” and - get this - it’s not a complaint, it’s a boast. I can’t even… I mean… fucking hell. Can they not hear themselves? They’re basically singing “we’ve got bunions, bad breath and piles”.  Nothing to brag about lads.

 

Still, I expect they’ll be replacing that song soon enough, just like they took down the “chosen one” Moyes banner when the truth hit them like a massive sledge hammer.

 

Any week now they’ll be breaking out the ‘green and gold’ scarfs again and targeting the Glazers. “Green and gold, until we’re sold… or until we're good again”. Dicks.

 

 

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Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

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