Some thoughts on results being everything

[Stu Monty]

I thought that it was worth posting up an article that Ian Plenderleith did for WSC today, as it seemed to echo some of the thoughts that I had on a couple of threads recently. Enjoy:

 

When Saturday Comes - The Half Decent Football Magazine - The static marine life approach to professional football

 

The static marine life approach to professional football

 

In case any of you are wondering what former Wimbledon and Newcastle Utd defender Warren Barton gets up to these days (What? Not a single one of you?), he's somehow landed a gig in the US, where he punishes television viewers on a weekly basis with his desperate punditry. Patronising, banal and deeply in love with the sound of his own voice, Barton leaves no cliche unflogged in airing his apparent belief that North American football fans still need to be talked down to so that they can understand the game seen through the sophisticated analysis of a seasoned ex-pro Brit.

 

The weekend before last he put his head on the block by bravely forecasting Chelsea as champions, before shaking his head in a bemused manner that poor little Gianfranco Zola, misguided by alien values, might try to force West Ham to play their way out of the relegation zone. There's no use doing that according to wise Warren. Results are what count. The 5-0 lead that West Ham raced into against Burnley at the weekend, as they played what looked from the highlights like suspiciously good football, presumably had Barton tutting in disapproval. Their failure to grind out a 1-0 win and Burnley's three late goals probably confirmed Barton's view that Zola's approach is naive. No doubt he's thinking of West Bromwich Albion's last doomed Premier League campaign, when they were denounced by pragmatists while defiantly trying to entertain. But if you accept Barton's view that the only way for lesser teams to survive in the top flight is to play gritty, results-oriented football, then you're left with a surfeit of games like Saturday's game between Fulham and Bolton.

 

In case you've already forgotten the game ended in a 1-1 draw, which was pretty much the result it deserved. If you had the good fortune to miss it completely, congratulations. This was Warren Barton's Survival Football at its absolute nadir. Bolton had a single idea that involved knocking the ball long and hoping for the best. When Fulham went 1-0 down, they pretty much adopted the same approach. Back and forth went the ball, slapping central defenders on the forehead with depressing, brain-shaking regularity. The astonishing thing is that anyone who paid £40 to watch this dross would want to come back the following week.

 

Sure, at the end of the season both sides could well find themselves with enough points to play yet another season in the fantabulous, world-conquering Premier League. They may sacrifice progress in the cup competitions to ensure that place. It's the static marine life approach to professional football. It's not much fun observing a family of mussels attached to the side of a rock, but if you swim away and then return several months later for another look, they will probably still be there, stuck in the same place and looking exactly the same. And they will still be more inspiring than any team managed by Gary Megson. Though to be fair to Fulham they don't always look this bad, even if their top flight sojourn over the past few years hardly evokes a flood of excited memories.

 

Meanwhile, the reviled West Bromwich Albion, who won impressively 4-0 at Sheffield Wednesday this weekend, sit comfortably in second place in the Championship. They may have been relegated last spring but at least life's interesting. They go up, they go back down, they do it all over again and their fans get to see lots of different towns and stadiums. Old Trafford one season, Glanford Park the next (apologies to Scunthorpe, inevitably cited whenever it suits any writer to make the Second Division look unglamorous). At least they know that they're alive. They're less like mussels and more like gazelles on the African savannas, experiencing the elation of high-speed living, even as cheetahs snap at their heels.

 

Of course, there's an economic argument that says a club needs the stability of playing at the same level year after year so that it can better plan its budget. It's an argument you usually hear from football's neo-realists who advocate abolishing relegation. As a solution to ridding the game of turgid encounters that offer grim, nihilistic ball-slinging in exchange for 40 quid, it's unsatisfactory. Instead, club accountants at teams like Bolton need to factor in the possibility of relegation and directors need to factor in the need for some risk, adventure and tactical imagination when they appoint a manager. Thankfully for football (though sadly for those tuning into Fox Soccer Channel), Warren Barton seems happy enough right now sitting safely behind a desk over 5,000 miles away, pontificating on how Gianfranco Zola should do his job.

 

Ian Plenderleith

[Iantn]

He makes the basics of a good point but drifts off on some ridiculous tangents. Like West Brom fans being happier, cos they are 2nd in the Championship, than Fulham or Bolton fans. Discounting the fact that Fulham finished the highest in their clubs history and are currently embarking on a European campaign for the first time ever.

 

In truth the real reason why it's become a massively results based business is knee-jerking fans and sky, who've made the fiscal implications of dropping out of the top flight and not returning before the parachute payment runs out a near club killer. Look at finances of the sides that have had top flight football since 1992 but once relegated never returned.

 

European football is better for the lack of all this money. On their day anyone can beat anyone. Last season Osasuna beat both Real and Barcelona in Pamplona, despite only a last day victory keeping them in the division.

 

Hoffenheim shot from the 5th tier of German football to lead the top flight and finish 7th in less than 10 years. Peterborough jumped from the 4th to the 2nd over the past 2 years are have struggled massively this season.

 

The sooner the money element of the game in this country fucks off the sooner we'll get a league that teams might be more expressive in but whilst the money dictates staing in the top flight, at any cost, will remain majority of teams outlook.

[Thomo123]

Interesting article and whilst i see his point the premier league is now all powerful and the thought of losing their place in this 'pinnacle' of football must make many a chairman shudder as they sip on another glass of murdoch supplied bollinger. Maybe bolton would think twice if only a couple of hundred hardcore fans turned up to watch their turgid brand of 'football' but somehow i doubt that will ever happen, until the sky stranglehold of football is broken and they are unable to use Keys and co to brainwash the average fan with sensationalist bullshit we are well and truly fucked.

[isr]

Interesting article Stu. To pick one bone with it though:

In case any of you are wondering what former Wimbledon and Newcastle Utd defender Warren Barton gets up to these days (What? Not a single one of you?), he's somehow landed a gig in the US, where he punishes television viewers on a weekly basis with his desperate punditry. Patronising, banal and deeply in love with the sound of his own voice, Barton leaves no cliche unflogged in airing his apparent belief that North American football fans still need to be talked down to so that they can understand the game seen through the sophisticated analysis of a seasoned ex-pro Brit.

 

Barton is a bad pundit, in a sport whose coverage is renowned (or should be) for bad punditry. But dear God, the Americans are even worse. You should see the twit (Eric Wynalda) they have on their phone-in show (replacing the infamous Steve Cohen). "Cringeworthy" doesn't begin to cover it (added to by the fact that Wynalda obviously fancies himself as a bit of a superstar because of his gloriour err career with the US national team).

 

The only guy worth anything is the Scottish geezer Bobby McWhatsisname, who is actually pretty good.

 

And I don't mind Max Bretos as a commentator, who even though he isn't the best, still allows his enthusiasm to show through. I especially loved his hamming up a game he commented on from the Argentine league. One of the players names sounded exactly, and I mean exactly, like "shite" (don't know what his actual name reads as). And wouldn't you know it - he scored. I fucking kid you not.

 

Maxxy really hammed up the moment, with added emphasis. What a goal, by shiite, etc etc etc.

 

(well, I guess you had to be there ...)

[isr]

He makes the basics of a good point but drifts off on some ridiculous tangents. Like West Brom fans being happier, cos they are 2nd in the Championship, than Fulham or Bolton fans. Discounting the fact that Fulham finished the highest in their clubs history and are currently embarking on a European campaign for the first time ever.

 

The Fulham thing was wide of the mark. I don't think they've ever had it so good. But in general, he may be on to something.

 

WBA do play some good stuff. And if they're not pulling off amazing relegation escapes, they're getting relegated and storming back in with style the next season.

 

I wonder if Newcastle fans might not be secretly a little happier that they are rebuilding, and doing well, in a less competitive division. Instead of having another traumatic campaign in the spotlight like last season. Sometimes going down, taking your medicine, rebuilding and storming back up for next season leaves you in a stronger position 3 seasons hence, than just hanging on for from life 2 years in a row.

[piscinin]

Interesting article Stu. To pick one bone with it though:

 

 

Barton is a bad pundit, in a sport whose coverage is renowned (or should be) for bad punditry. But dear God, the Americans are even worse. You should see the twit (Eric Wynalda) they have on their phone-in show (replacing the infamous Steve Cohen). "Cringeworthy" doesn't begin to cover it (added to by the fact that Wynalda obviously fancies himself as a bit of a superstar because of his gloriour err career with the US national team).

 

The only guy worth anything is the Scottish geezer Bobby McWhatsisname, who is actually pretty good.

 

And I don't mind Max Bretos as a commentator, who even though he isn't the best, still allows his enthusiasm to show through. I especially loved his hamming up a game he commented on from the Argentine league. One of the players names sounded exactly, and I mean exactly, like "shite" (don't know what his actual name reads as). And wouldn't you know it - he scored. I fucking kid you not.

 

Maxxy really hammed up the moment, with added emphasis. What a goal, by shiite, etc etc etc.

 

(well, I guess you had to be there ...)

 

Check out Ray Hudson on GOL TV. He's like David Pleat on speed.

[isr]

Check out Ray Hudson on GOL TV. He's like David Pleat on speed.

 

More like David Pleat's long lost Geordie cousin. Who grew up on the streets. And is tanked up on ale.

 

Then give him some speed.

 

Seriously though, Hudson is funny. Before Dish Network cut Gol TV from their channel lineup, he was something to behold. Practically verbally masterbating every time someone did something slightly out of the ordinary.

 

I especially liked his studio discussions. The other chaps could hardly get a word in edgeways (if it wasn't for TV ad breaks, there would have been more than one pushing match)