September Spiders

[VladimirIlyich]

Spiders are ace.

Yes they are. The bigger and hairier they are,the better. And spiders too.

[Numero Veinticinco]

One cementing his place in the Book of Cunts and one new entrant.

 

Spider lovers are worse than bean dodgers.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Anyone posting about spoofs from the UK is a massive pussy.

[Numero Veinticinco]

Anyone posting about spoofs from the UK is a massive pussy.

Haha. Fair shout that.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Well, I've learned something new today. 

 

Those house spiders you see running around in September are deviated preverts. They've smeared jizz on their heads and they're frantically looking for underage girls. And right now, these paedo octopeds are hiding in your house. 

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/natureuk/entries/6cb2b54e-8ea4-3d33-b898-7de69d943303

 

 

 

[Anubis]

Enterprising garden spider trying to set up indoors. Now relocated to his natural garden environment via beer glass prisoner transport.

 

[Stouffer]

We've had loads recently, the horrible twats.

[ZonkoVille77]

Same here. Hundreds of them. I saw one that I'd never seen before the other day. When I looked it up it looked like one of those false widow jobs. I wouldn't normally hurt one but that one got launched over the fence. 

[VladimirIlyich]

Found one yesterday when I was cleaning behind the fridge. Got him to crawl onto my fingers and released him outside,unharmed.

[Stickman]

.

 

[Jenson]

There is a guy in my office who keeps a Tarantula here in a glass tank. Woe betide anyone who gets in my way if the fucker escapes!

[Captain Turdseye]

Had a couple of absolute monsters in the last two days. I’m thinking of moving house. 

[Anubis]

Enough about your kids. Tell us about the spiders.

[Stouffer]

3 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Had a couple of absolute monsters in the last two days. I’m thinking of moving house. 

Just burn it down and claim on the insurance.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 04/08/2019 at 12:52, Anubis said:

Enterprising garden spider trying to set up indoors. Now relocated to his natural garden environment via beer glass prisoner transport.

 

Hopefully he doesn't qualify for Australia before the Ashes is finished.

[lifetime fan]

Fuck that! Fuck it with bad shithouse aids! 

 

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

On 27/08/2019 at 15:01, Captain Turdseye said:

Had a couple of absolute monsters in the last two days. I’m thinking of moving house. 

I've had two giants spiders in ours recently too,but just got some kitchen roll and took the spiders outside without harming them.

[Anubis]

Huntsman spiders are quite social. Once they get use to humans they’re sharing a house with they’ll happily crawl on your hand and behave like pets.

[Paulie Dangerously]

6 hours ago, Anubis said:

Huntsman spiders are quite social. Once they get use to humans they’re sharing a house with they’ll happily crawl on your hand and behave like pets.

Yeah, I'm never going to Australia. 

[Trumo]

In that pic, I think it's a wolf spider rather than a huntsman. Huntsman spiders are quite common in Australia and it's always said that they're harmless to humans. They're also the critters that hide behind your car's sun visor and decide to say hello when you're driving. When something causes a car accident, I wouldn't be so quick to call it harmless.

[Guest]

12 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I've had two giants spiders in ours recently too,but just got some kitchen roll and took the spiders outside without harming them.

They'll be back soon enough, probably with enough friends to wrap you up in kitchen roll and take you outside. Whether you are harmed or not depends on if you are awake or asleep when it happens.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

7 hours ago, Anubis said:

Huntsman spiders are quite social. Once they get use to humans they’re sharing a house with they’ll happily crawl on your hand and behave like pets.

Aren't they the ones that just have to look at you twice to make your liver explode, or something?

 

Fuck that. Fuck that with a shovel. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

It's been oddly quiet in our house this September.  I think I've seen one real spider all month.

[Mudface]

4 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

It's been oddly quiet in our house this September.  I think I've seen one real spider all month.

They're probably in meetings to decide when to startle you the most.

[lifetime fan]

2 hours ago, Trumo said:

In that pic, I think it's a wolf spider rather than a huntsman. Huntsman spiders are quite common in Australia and it's always said that they're harmless to humans. They're also the critters that hide behind your car's sun visor and decide to say hello when you're driving. When something causes a car accident, I wouldn't be so quick to call it harmless.

 

It’s a mate I went to primary school with, that’s as close to either of those fuckers I’d ever want to get.