Premier League Round Up (Sep 23-24 2023)

[tlw content]

 

Interesting weekend at the top and a depressing one at the bottom. Those three newly promoted sides look increasingly like they’re going to be cast adrift at the bottom, especially if teams whose name starts with a ‘B’ keep shitting the bed against Everton. For Brighton last year, see Brentford this year.

 

Who saw that result coming? It wasn’t a fluke either. Everton played them off the park and fully deserved the win. It was such a shock that it got top billing on MOTD which might be the first time in Everton’s history that happened.

 

They took the lead from a set-piece (shocking, I know). Brentford cleared the initial ball in but you know what’s coming in that situation. Everyone knows. Except Brentford, seemingly. The whole world knows they’ll put a big ball up for Tarkowski to nod down. Brentford pride themselves in their analytics and leaving no stone unturned, yet they conceded a goal like this? When you play Everton the first thing you eliminate is Tarkowski getting his big head onto balls in the box.

 

The second thing you eliminate are the options available to him if he wins one of those big balls in the box. Doucoure is usually the main beneficiary of them, yet Brentford allowed Tarkowski to win a knock down and they left Doucoure unmarked to finish it. Fucking clowns.

 

McNeil almost doubled Everton’s lead and Doucoure was denied by the bar as the Blues piled on the pressure.

 

Brentford got back into it against the run of play when Jensen found the bottom corner after a lovely ball by Janelt. 

 

Beto missed a great chance to restore Everton’s lead and although it looked a bad miss I’m a bit concerned by that as it was a great run in behind and the dinked clip (which went wide) hints at a subtlety in his finishing that I wasn’t expecting. I’ll stick my neck on the line and say that he might be less shit than everyone thought.

 

Of course Beto himself could stick his neck on the line lengthways and cover every inch of it between the goal post and the corner flag. 

 

Lewis Potter then missed an absolute fucking sitter from a yard out just before the break, and Everton did a number on them in the second half as the Burnleyfication of the Blues was there in full effect. Tarkowski headed in a McNeil corner to make it 2-1. Defo seen that movie before.

 

In fact, I distinctly remember I would always write “Burnley scored from a set-piece (of course they did)” because that was pretty much the only way they could score. Everton are the same. Dycheball. That’s the only way they’ll survive though, a fact seemingly lost on a lot of Evertonians who wanted Dyche gone after their bad start. He’s the Obi Wan Kenobi to Everton’s Princess Leia. He’s their only hope, a lot of them just can’t see it. I’d love nothing more than for them to sack Dyche. Hopefully the cowboys trying to buy them will listen to the Grand Old Team forumites and get rid of him.

 

Calvert-Lewin wrapped it up after that Collins loser got caught on the ball. He’s shit him. He was shit at Burnley when they got relegated but for some reason Wolves bought him. He was shit for them too when they flirted with relegation, yet for some reason Brentford bought him. This bum has been bought for over £20m twice in a 12 month period. Modern football is mental.

 

Word of praise for Dominic Calvert-Lewin though. He’s a far bigger man than I am as he said afterwards “some of our own fans booed me off at Villa Park but today they’re cheering me because I scored. I know it’s just because they care and they want to see me scoring goals”.

 

No mate, it’s not. It’s because they’re cunts. They booed you off when you suffered a broken face trying to score a goal for them. They deserve no credit at all, but fair play to you for not taking it personally. I’d have been giving it the full Hulk Hogan “ear cupping” celebrations in front of the pricks. Like I say, bigger man than me.

 

Given the way the newly promoted teams are going it looks like we might need that points deduction to flush the Blues after all. 

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[Chris]

*James Alexander Gordon voice*

 

Aston Villa 6 – Brighton & Hove Albion 1.

 

 

[dave u]

Brighton fucking me over again, making my predictions look stupid. Pricks. Hope we put ten past them next week.

[redinblack]

15 hours ago, dave u said:

Brighton fucking me over again, making my predictions look stupid. Pricks. Hope we put ten past them next week.

You know and I know they will be back to being brilliant again next week