Premier League Round Up (Aug 11-14 2023)

[tlw content]

 

St James’ Park was absolutely fucking bouncing on opening day. Geordie optimism is one of the worst things I can think of. It doesn’t take much to get them to go completely overboard but right now they actually have a lot to be excited about. If you can get past the whole ‘being owned by a murderous regime with an appalling human rights record’ of course, which they can, very easily it seems.

 

Villa were chopped into pieces and stuffed into a suitcase as Beheddie Howe’s men picked up where they left off last season. New signing Tonali fired them in front within a couple of minutes as they flew out of the traps, but Villa caught them cold and soon equalised with a goal from a new signing of their own, Moussa Diaby. 

 

Isak restored Newcastle’s lead and Villa’s day got worse when Mings blew out his knee. We won’t see him again this season, looked a bad one that. Karma’s a bitch ain’t she? All those times he went down faking injury in that draw at Anfield a few months back, but now he’s genuinely fucked. Be nice if Karma came for that cunt goalkeeper next.

 

Speaking of him, he was lucky not to be sent off when he raced out of his goal and hauled down Almiron. It was out wide and there were defenders covering, but I’m saying he’s lucky not be sent off just on the basis of him being a massive twat so the temptation must always be there to send him packing.

 

Isak then took advantage of a howler by Konsa to make it 3-1 and then Villa basically just quit. Definitely feeling sorry for themselves there, and they were lucky they only conceded five in the end. Wilson came off the bench to make it 4-1 and Harvey Barnes added a fifth on his debut. Villa’s defending though, oh my god. That defensive line was so high they should have been drug tested. Scandalous.

 

That isn’t to downplay how good Newcastle were. They may disgust me but I can give credit where it’s due and they were very good. The hope this season is that the extra demands of Champions League football will take a lot out of them and they’ll fall away a bit from what they did last season. That’s hope as much as expectation though. I’m not sure I’d put any sizeable amount of money on us finishing above them.

 

Villa are a fraud team though who finished in a false position last year due to a good run in which they punched above their weight. I’ll call it now. Bottom half finish. I’m not having them at all.

 

It’s horrible seeing Newcastle looking so good, especially as they haven’t even really started cheating yet. I thought they’d have spent a lot more than they have done and I’m currently reading about how they are trying to agree a loan to buy deal with Chelsea for Lewis Hall because…. wait for it… they’re trying to comply with FFP and don’t want to overspend. I mean, as unlikely as it seems that they’d do things by the book, if they are then I guess I’ll give them the tiniest bit of credit. We’ll see though. 

 

We go there the week after next and that game has the potential to tip me over the edge. If we go there and stink it’s going take some getting over for me. I’m not ready to be regularly looking up the table at Newcastle. Don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.

 

Imagine if 12 months ago someone would have told you that within a year Newcastle would better than us on and off the pitch. They’d be the Champions League side and we’d be in the Europa. Every signing they made would fit in seamlessly while we’d be making pigs ear of everything. 

 

None of us would have believed it, yet here we are. Who knows where we’ll be in another 12 months. So much uncertainty with us right now. Worrying.

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[AdamD]

Love it Dave!

Missed this all close season - laced soaked with sarcasm, bile and down right anger and animosity.

Modern football is shit but this weekly tour de force brings a smile to the face

[King Kenny 86]

Always good to know I am not alone in my feelings each week.

[Hoddy]

Great stuff, Dave.

 

I think I've won this week's deliberate error spotting: Diaz's debut was against Cardiff.

[dave u]

5 minutes ago, Hoddy said:

Great stuff, Dave.

 

I think I've won this week's deliberate error spotting: Diaz's debut was against Cardiff.

 

I remember some big fat cunt fell on him. I thought it was Shrewsbury but yeah, was it the game one of the kids scored? Gordon or Elliott?

[Frank Dacey]

Good stuff about Luton; a lot of righteous anger there.

[ralph]

Tiiiimber ! Love it, the round up is worth the subscription alone.

[Hoddy]

4 hours ago, dave u said:

 

I remember some big fat cunt fell on him. I thought it was Shrewsbury but yeah, was it the game one of the kids scored? Gordon or Elliott?

It was Elliott - first game back from injury. 

 

Only reason I know this is because it's the only game my daughter's been to, and the first game my wife's been to since the West Ham debacle in the dying days of Rodgers. Fucking hell, she's lucky she ever got another ticket after that.

[frankie]

Brilliant round-up. Saves me watching MOTD

[bossy]

Fantastic. We are going to need you being consistently great this season to make up for what happens when we play.

[dave u]

2 hours ago, frankie said:

Brilliant round-up. Saves me watching MOTD

 

I make that sacrifice so you don't have to.

 

I draw the line at Man City though, I'm not watching them for anybody.

[Vincent Vega]

Only just got round to reading this.

@dave u

 

Quote

I see Ings has finally bowed to the inevitable and shaved his head. He’s been going bald ever since he left Anfield but he’s stopped clinging onto the remnants on top and just got rid of it all.

I remember reading that Ings has had a Rooney Dave (and I don’t mean he’s banged a granny). He spent his summer holiday in Turkey getting his baldy head fixed. He’s probably just shaved it all for now to let it all grow out together.

[dave u]

6 hours ago, Vincent Vega said:

Only just got round to reading this.

@dave u

 

I remember reading that Ings has had a Rooney Dave (and I don’t mean he’s banged a granny). He spent his summer holiday in Turkey getting his baldy head fixed. He’s probably just shaved it all for now to let it all grow out together.

 

He looks weird. Not proper shaved, just looks like a mouldy peach. Otherwise known as the Paul Natton look....

[Razoray]

On 23/08/2023 at 15:34, Vincent Vega said:

Only just got round to reading this.

@dave u

 

I remember reading that Ings has had a Rooney Dave (and I don’t mean he’s banged a granny). He spent his summer holiday in Turkey getting his baldy head fixed. He’s probably just shaved it all for now to let it all grow out together.