Banks - Bankers

[Croque Monsieur]

Let's be honest; humans are essentially self-centred. It's a major reason why the world's so fucked-up.

 

Put the vast majority of us in the position of the investment bankers and we'd do exactly the same thing.

[Jairzinho]

I think you possibly need a certain type of attitude to become one.

[stringvest]

You need to be bright, hardworking and competitive.   You need to be able to assess risk, and you need a deep understanding of the industry and companies you are speculating on.  You need expert knowledge in all of the financial instruments available to you.  And finally, and most importantly, you need to know someone who can get you in.  

[Jairzinho]

I think you also need to be a complete wanker.

[stringvest]

Why?

[FrenchEyeGlass]

I think you also need to be a complete wanker.

 

Thanks a lot.

 

You're right, I'm surrounded by wankers. Maybe thats why I absolutely hate work and can't wait to get out of it in a few years. But I have a good few friends who, like myself, aren't wankers. Or at least I'd hope so.

 

I don't go into work with the agenda to fuck people over. Well, I don't exactly work in the part of the Investment Bank that does. But still - I think you're unfairly typecasting a lot of people. A lot of Investment Bankers aren't bad people. A lot are, too, but not all.

[Jairzinho]

Re Stringers - Because if they're all as bright as you're suggesting then they'll be aware of what utter cuntery they are performing.

[Jairzinho]

Thanks a lot.

 

You're right, I'm surrounded by wankers. Maybe thats why I absolutely hate work and can't wait to get out of it in a few years. But I have a good few friends who, like myself, aren't wankers. Or at least I'd hope so.

 

I don't go into work with the agenda to fuck people over. Well, I don't exactly work in the part of the Investment Bank that does. But still - I think you're unfairly typecasting a lot of people. A lot of Investment Bankers aren't bad people. A lot are, too, but not all.

 

What sort of percentage do you reckon hate the work?

 

Regardless of the agenda, that is ultimately what you are doing. Or at least, its what you're part of.

 

What attracted you to the career/job?

 

I don't think you're a wanker, by the way. You'll be overjoyed to hear.

[stringvest]

Well, I am plainly a wanker, and I've worked at 4 investment banks.  I think that's more of a coincidence than a direct correlation though.  Anyone who has a pension relies to a greater or lesser extent on traders making money for their nest eggs.  Now traders often are wankers, because they hold an inordinate amount of power in the bank.  They shout a lot, and they get their way a lot.  Nasty and ruthless though they often are, they don't go to work to screw over the poor.  It's a very aggressive atmosphere to work in.  Wallflowers do not last long.  If you don't perform, you get booted.  No tribunals or consultations here, just fuck off and die.  

[FrenchEyeGlass]

What sort of percentage do you reckon hate the work?

 

Regardless of the agenda, that is ultimately what you are doing. Or at least, its what you're part of.

 

What attracted you to the career/job?

 

I don't think you're a wanker, by the way. You'll be overjoyed to hear.

 

Just to clarify - I'm not actually a part of it. I don't work / haven't work in the parts of the Investment Bank that could do the damage that you understandably detest. I have interned in IBD - which I guess could - but thats all.

 

A lot of people hate the work. A lot. There are a lot of incredibly smart minions in IB. They work under intense pressure and its awful. I don't work under the same sort of pressure thankfully...but having witnessed the kind of crap they go through, I find it hard to paint them as some sort of wicked group of cunts out to screw Joe, Average.

 

Well, I ended up finding myself looking for a job and not falling in love with any. I tried my utmost to get into Strategy Consulting but its by far the hardest fucking thing in the world to get into, to the point of disbelief. Other than that, there wasn't much else to go for with the same career prospects. IB allowed me to become smarter, earn well, deal with clients and affect global issues. My job isn't a terrible gig - its just not my passion. After putting in as much work as I did during my studies, I came to the decision that if I was going to do a job that I didn't enjoy - I might as well do one that reimburses me for hours of arse aching work I put in whilst my mates were smoking spliffs.

 

And thanks *blushes*. I understand why you feel the way you do. Honestly though mate...I feel that iB has just become the settling ground for many of the smartest graduates. Its just how it is - they pay the most and give you actual responsibility. I imagine many have other passions unrelated to their profession. Most working people do. Ultiamtely, most work for one reason - money. As I said, I would give it all up for a commercial/corporate role at LFC. (Seriously, is there any way of doing this?!).

[Jairzinho]

Well, I am plainly a wanker, and I've worked at 4 investment banks.  I think that's more of a coincidence than a direct correlation though.  Anyone who has a pension relies to a greater or lesser extent on traders making money for their nest eggs.  Now traders often are wankers, because they hold an inordinate amount of power in the bank.  They shout a lot, and they get their way a lot.  Nasty and ruthless though they often are, they don't go to work to screw over the poor.  It's a very aggressive atmosphere to work in.  Wallflowers do not last long.  If you don't perform, you get booted.  No tribunals or consultations here, just fuck off and die.  

 

Hmm...

 

I should add some of my best friends are wankers. Although, not bankers.

 

The environment you paint isn't one I could personally work in. I feel a sense of guilt quite easily though (I'm neither saying this is a positive or negative thing, I'm sure its both in various situations).

 

Do you feel any degree of guilt for the work you do? Or the sector you're in? I'm sure you have many more responsibilities than I do that possibly have to override it. I have no kids, no mortgage, etc. Already feeling like a bit of a wanker for this series of posts. So I'm going to stop now.

[Jairzinho]

Out of interest, and this is aimed at both of you really, and I can't remember if either of you answered in that other thread, what would you do for a living if money were no object?

[Jairzinho]

Bollocks, I was going to stop.

[stringvest]

I would teach at secondary school.   If money was truly no object, I'd jack it all in and travel the globe. I've been lucky enough to travel a lot with work, but never had the time to really get to know the fantastic places I've visited.  I have two hobbies, both of which I get paid small amounts of money to do; music and writing.   If I could became good enough at either of those to pay the mortgages/kids fees/ex wives, and keep me in a style with which I'd like to become accustomed, I'd be a happy man.  

 

What about you J?

[FrenchEyeGlass]

Out of interest, and this is aimed at both of you really, and I can't remember if either of you answered in that other thread, what would you do for a living if money were no object?

 

Work for LFC. I played f**tb*ll for Leeds Youth Academy when I was younger but was ultimately too much of a fat cunt/bobblehead to go very far with it. But I'd love to be involved in the game from a corporate level. Or maybe I wouldnt - given I know fuck all about it. I just think it'd be ace to be at Melwood all day.

 

Other than that, produce music. I've had stuff played on BBC, Kiss, opened for Ian Brown (that meff from the Stone Roses) but ultimately had to jib it in order to be a 'good asian boy'.

 

I'd also love to grow a pony tail like Dave.

 

And as Stringers said, what about you? Porn reviewer?

[stringvest]

My cross-country runs used to take me past Melwood.  I used to love climbing up on the wall for 15 minutes to watch the players train.  

[FrenchEyeGlass]

My cross-country runs used to take me past Melwood.  I used to love climbing up on the wall for 15 minutes to watch the players train.  

 

I actually considered applying for a job as a 'Travel Coordinator' for the club, for piss all money, because I just wouldn't stop smiling being in and around Melwood/Anfield. 

 

I can't believe this cunt Ian Ayre has my life. Give me your job Ian, you cunt.

[Jairzinho]

Travel writing, probably. Or possibly teaching, but at primary school level.

 

Teaching primary school kids, somewhere abroad, and writing in my spare time, would be nice.

 

I'm actually currently (for the past few months) in a "What the fuck to do?" phase of my life at the moment.

[stringvest]

I actually considered applying for a job as a 'Travel Coordinator' for the club, for piss all money, because I just wouldn't stop smiling being in and around Melwood/Anfield. 

 

I can't believe this cunt Ian Ayre has my life. Give me your job Ian, you cunt.

 

Dave may have a job as an assistant.  You might put John Gallagher's nose out of joint though.  

[Croque Monsieur]

You need to be bright, hardworking and competitive.   You need to be able to assess risk, and you need a deep understanding of the industry and companies you are speculating on.  You need expert knowledge in all of the financial instruments available to you.  And finally, and most importantly, you need to know someone who can get you in.  

Indeed. And when you fuck up, and you and your cohorts bring the whole rotten edifice to its knees, you can sleep easy because you know the government (of whatever political stripe) will be forced to pick up the tab, because your hateful industry has become so entwined with the welfare of the nation that you cannot be allowed to go to the wall.

 

At one time the UK actually used to make stuff, you know, trains, ships, steel, glass - the kind of stuff people need. Now lads who, at one time, would be digging coal out of the ground, are working in a call centre or fucking Costa Coffee (if they're lucky). Those who can't get a job are demonised in the right wing press as being workshy and criminal, whilst the real criminals go about their nefarious gobshitery in the Square Mile.

[stringvest]

Travel writing, probably. Or possibly teaching, but at primary school level.

 

Teaching primary school kids, somewhere abroad, and writing in my spare time, would be nice.

 

I'm actually currently (for the past few months) in a "What the fuck to do?" phase of my life at the moment.

 

I've been in one of those phases for 30 years.

[Jairzinho]

I've been in one of those phases for 30 years.

 

I can't work out if that's reassuring or not.

[General Dryness]

Work for LFC. I played f**tb*ll for Leeds Youth Academy when I was younger but was ultimately too much of a fat cunt/bobblehead to go very far with it. But I'd love to be involved in the game from a corporate level. Or maybe I wouldnt - given I know fuck all about it. I just think it'd be ace to be at Melwood all day.

 

Other than that, produce music. I've had stuff played on BBC, Kiss, opened for Ian Brown (that meff from the Stone Roses) but ultimately had to jib it in order to be a 'good asian boy'.

 

I'd also love to grow a pony tail like Dave.

 

And as Stringers said, what about you? Porn reviewer?

 

Out of interest, what as? With a band, or as a DJ? I quite like Ian Browns stuff, so I'm quite impressed.

[General Dryness]

I've been in one of those phases for 30 years.

 

What did you do for the 970 before that?

[stringvest]

 

Indeed. And when you fuck up, and you and your cohorts bring the whole rotten edifice to its knees, you can sleep easy because you know the government (of whatever political stripe) will be forced to pick up the tab, because your hateful industry has become so entwined with the welfare of the nation that you cannot be allowed to go to the wall.

 

At one time the UK actually used to make stuff, you know, trains, ships, steel, glass - the kind of stuff people need. Now lads who, at one time, would be digging coal out of the ground, are working in a call centre or fucking Costa Coffee (if they're lucky). Those who can't get a job are demonised in the right wing press as being workshy and criminal, whilst the real criminals go about their nefarious gobshitery in the Square Mile.

 

 

I'm not arguing with you.  Well only a little bit.  We do still make trains, ships, steel and glass.  Just not enough of it to keep enough people in useful, reasonably well paid employment.    It is scandalous, but it's also global market economics.  Look at James Dyson.  Would his invention still have sold if it was £20 more expensive to make as it was manufactured in the UK?  Course it would.  It's all about maximising profit.  In that particular case, mostly for him.