little things that annoy the shit out of you

[cloggypop]

My soundbar turns itself off after about 15 minutes if not in use. It then takes not one but two presses on the remote to turn it back on. Infuriating. 

[easytoslip]

9 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Asking my son to tidy his bedroom. Me and Mrs Kurtz earn all the money, maintain the house and garden, cook, do the washing, clean and tidy everything but if we ask him to tidy up his room there are tears and tantrums for a good 15 minute before he acquiesces. Drives me fucking mad.  

Gone are the days of a thick ear. 

[A Red]

12 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Asking my son to tidy his bedroom. Me and Mrs Kurtz earn all the money, maintain the house and garden, cook, do the washing, clean and tidy everything but if we ask him to tidy up his room there are tears and tantrums for a good 15 minute before he acquiesces. Drives me fucking mad.  

Try to control your emotions and ask him nicely

[Bobby Hundreds]

Sky Q remote! its more sensitive than a confused teenager. Fucking dare move sound turns to 100 causing full panic stations red alert "what about the fucking neighbours"  fuck off. Then try and look through menus and it fucks off on its own agenda if you haven't the precision of a Japanese sword maker. Its blue tooth so it doesn't even need to be pointing at the TV.. unless your blasee as fuck and want the world to know it whats the effort in pointing a remote at the TV. Its worse than the shit currently on TV.

[Tony Moanero]

22 minutes ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

Sky Q remote! its more sensitive than a confused teenager. Fucking dare move sound turns to 100 causing full panic stations red alert "what about the fucking neighbours"  fuck off. Then try and look through menus and it fucks off on its own agenda if you haven't the precision of a Japanese sword maker. Its blue tooth so it doesn't even need to be pointing at the TV.. unless your blasee as fuck and want the world to know it whats the effort in pointing a remote at the TV. Its worse than the shit currently on TV.

Deciding to bin Sky off and telling them to poke their subscription, is up there with greatest achievements. Probably not in my top 5 but still up there.

 

My Top 5

 

1. Passing my Cycling Proficiency Test 

2. Winning a crocodile soft toy throwing competition at Pontins Prestatyn Sands.

3. Sending a written marriage proposal to Stevie Nicks, via her fan club, 30-odd year ago, although I’m yet to receive a reply.

4. A drunken Tony Adams threatening to knock me out when I asked for his autograph.

5. Posting shit and nonsense on TLW for the past 8 years.

[dockers_strike]

People dropping their guts in the bog, filling it and leaving skids in the bottom of the bowl because they cant be arsed to use the bog brush and clean them away after flushing!

[Tj hooker]

Trying to get rid of an old Fridge freezer and a mattress got in touch with one who promised he would be here yesterday about half 5 ish never showed up so I messaged him last night asking if he can still pick up the items said he will message me 1st thing this morning , fuck all messages he really can get to fuck now .

What I can't understand if that's your business then why can you be so fucking rubbish at it .

[The Golden Eel]

When you record a film on your Sky box, usually on one of the ITV channels or Channel 5, and there's a short news-type programme halfway through, meaning that it makes two separate recordings of the film for the two halves. 

[Dougie Do'ins]

Cutting myself shaving.

 

Cutting myself twice when shaving.

 

Cutting myself for a third cunting time when shaving.

 

Trying to stop the bleeding after cutting myself when shaving.

[Elite]

12 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Cutting myself shaving.

 

Cutting myself twice when shaving.

 

Cutting myself for a third cunting time when shaving.

 

Trying to stop the bleeding after cutting myself when shaving.

Do you shave with a butchers knife?

[Dougie Do'ins]

Just now, Elite said:

Do you shave with a butchers knife?

I thought I'd push the boat out and got Michael J Fox in to do it.

[Elite]

1 minute ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I thought I'd push the boat out and got Michael J Fox in to do it.

He'd do less damage by the sounds of it.

[Tony Moanero]

People who say “yano” every five minutes.

[Bruce Spanner]

8 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

People who say “yano” every five minutes.

Had a friend years back who’d say ‘you know what I mean?’ After every fucking sentence.
 

Never did as she spoke nonsense most of the time, but always had weed, so, you know what I mean? 

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Cutting myself shaving.

 

Cutting myself twice when shaving.

 

Cutting myself for a third cunting time when shaving.

 

Trying to stop the bleeding after cutting myself when shaving.

What do you cut it with ? A Colt 1847? 

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I thought I'd push the boat out and got Michael J Fox in to do it.

At least he can do it again if he fucks it up 

[General Dryness]

On 30/08/2020 at 02:25, Dougie Do'ins said:

Cutting myself shaving.

 

Cutting myself twice when shaving.

 

Cutting myself for a third cunting time when shaving.

 

Trying to stop the bleeding after cutting myself when shaving.

 

[Dr Nowt]

On 28/08/2020 at 18:03, Colonel Kurtz said:

You should start a thread on my greatest  low level achievements. Mine are :

 

1. Winning a guess the weight of a huge teddy bear competition to within 99.95% of the actual weight. We now have the fucking thing in the house.

2. Winning the best camp site competition in a London wide boy scout camping competition

3. Holding an actual Guinness world record and actually being in the book 

4. Meeting Jarvis Cocker on my way to a disciplinary hearing where I was subsequently sacked though the panel and I spent the first ten minutes talking about Pulp 

5. Getting on to Danny Baker/danny kelly 606 with the story if how I once had a girlfriend who was the spitting image of Paul Konchesky albeit with long brown hair. 

6. Scoring a hat trick in a sunday league game against much better players and as I wheeled away celebrating my 3rd goal hearing their captain say "how the fuck has he scored again ? he's shit"

 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Swiftly scrolling the GF spotting a fisting thread, only to be disappointed upon opening it to find its full of rods and tackle box bollocks.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 29/08/2020 at 00:21, A Red said:

Try to control your emotions and ask him nicely

He’s on his 5th, if he hasn’t cracked it by now, it’s doubtful he ever will.

[Bjornebye]

Shit 'track your item' links/apps. 

 

I'm waiting on this Covid test and its been 'out for delivery' since 7:40am. Surely to god this day in age any parcel being delivered you should be able to track it to give you an ETA? Otherwise whats the point? They already told me it would arrive today so why send me a link telling me the same thing without even a specific time? I don't even want to see what road its on or know the drivers name like with Uber, just a ball-park time. 

[YorkshireRed]

Over promising/Under delivering. Especially when not even being used as a sales technique but, even then, just don’t fucking do it. 
 

Had one of these phone consultations with a doctor yesterday. That part was fine but she told me the prescription I needed would be ready ‘after 2pm’. My car was having its MOT yesterday so I walked the twenty minutes to the Chemist, setting off from my house at 3pm. Upon arrival I was told it wasn’t ready. When I explained what I’d been told, she just shrugged and said they shouldn’t have said that time, it wouldn’t be ready for at least another hour and she would call me when it was. I received a text at 5.45pm. 
 

I’d have been totally fine with being told, in the first place, it would be available today. As it is I’m peeved with the misinformation and shoddy customer service. 
 

[Bjornebye]

38 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Over promising/Under delivering. Especially when not even being used as a sales technique but, even then, just don’t fucking do it. 
 

Had one of these phone consultations with a doctor yesterday. That part was fine but she told me the prescription I needed would be ready ‘after 2pm’. My car was having its MOT yesterday so I walked the twenty minutes to the Chemist, setting off from my house at 3pm. Upon arrival I was told it wasn’t ready. When I explained what I’d been told, she just shrugged and said they shouldn’t have said that time, it wouldn’t be ready for at least another hour and she would call me when it was. I received a text at 5.45pm. 
 

I’d have been totally fine with being told, in the first place, it would be available today. As it is I’m peeved with the misinformation and shoddy customer service. 
 

Yeah it’s when they don’t give a fuck about the impact their laziness or complacency has on others

[Bobby Hundreds]

Kettles with cup measurements on them, not fucking once in my life time has the measurement been correct. You put one cup measurement of water in for a brew and if youre lucky you might get some steam but mostly the kettle sounding like its being throttled before it explodes. The 4 cups might get you 2 brews in a normal size mug/cup. Just fuck it off, no one pays attention to it anyway because its been bullshit for decades. 

[Mudface]

2 hours ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

Kettles with cup measurements on them, not fucking once in my life time has the measurement been correct. You put one cup measurement of water in for a brew and if youre lucky you might get some steam but mostly the kettle sounding like its being throttled before it explodes. The 4 cups might get you 2 brews in a normal size mug/cup. Just fuck it off, no one pays attention to it anyway because its been bullshit for decades. 

US recipes calling for 'cups' of ingredients are retarded as well. Just give the weight you dumb twats.