Depression

[YorkshireRed]

My youngest got diagnosed with Autism, aged seventeen. Reading about the challenges on here makes me smile, and feel sad, at the same time.

 

Anyway, I took him out for tea last night and the following conversation took place;

 

”I’ve bought a lottery ticket tonight. The jackpot is £130m. If I win, you can have whatever you like. What would it be?”

 

”I don’t know”

 

”I know it’s hard, try and think of something, whatever you’d like”

 

”Can we have some nice bread?”

 

”Of course we can” (Dad fights to hold back the tears).

[Creator Supreme]

4 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

My youngest got diagnosed with Autism, aged seventeen. Reading about the challenges on here makes me smile, and feel sad, at the same time.

 

Anyway, I took him out for tea last night and the following conversation took place;

 

”I’ve bought a lottery ticket tonight. The jackpot is £130m. If I win, you can have whatever you like. What would it be?”

 

”I don’t know”

 

”I know it’s hard, try and think of something, whatever you’d like”

 

”Can we have some nice bread?”

 

”Of course we can” (Dad fights to hold back the tears).

Fucking hell mate, that got me reading that.

 

I'm an emotional mess anyway at the moment, but that tipped me over the edge.

 

Now buy him some fucking nice bread.

[TheSire]

On 26/04/2024 at 21:29, Bjornebye said:

Tories “mental health is an excuse” 

 

Reality “some of us are quite capable human decent people that might decide that not being under your rule would better” 

 

Just need to try harder at not being ill. If we weren't weak and lazy we'd be massively rich like them?

[TheSire]

On 26/04/2024 at 21:47, Captain Howdy said:

Never understood the concept of therapy, not knocking it like but nobody knows your own mind like yourself and you’re only ever going to reveal what you feel comfortable or choose to reveal. Nobody can tell you why you think or feel a certain way, it’s way too complex, your mind is like a black hole. To each their own though . I’ve never suffered from depression but I did suffer excruciating anxiety many years ago, prescribed beta blockers and life was totally transformed within 24 hours. I’m cleithraphobic and I tried CBT and even hypnotism, complete and utter waste of time and money.

I think the problem with counselling etc is we're so complex and form our opinions and ways of functioning for different reasons and there's no one magic fix for all. Eg things like "just get it off your chest" don't resonate with me as I'd more likely want to logically look at a problem or just be given advice on what to do.

[TheSire]

On 26/04/2024 at 21:57, Creator Supreme said:

Can I ask about your autism mate?

 

My lad and my youngest daughter have both been diagnosed in the last 2 years. My girl isn't too bad, but my lad has no life. He's 19 and I feel like he's never gonna live.

 

What kind of help have you had with your autism? The lad won't engage with anything, meds, therapy etc. He just says nothing will help him and its not worth trying.

 

I'm just looking for any hope.

Does your partner have it or ADHD as they're highly heritable and they can often both occur as conditions. What about yourself personally?

[Creator Supreme]

1 minute ago, TheSire said:

Does your partner have it or ADHD as they're highly heritable and they can often both occur as conditions. What about yourself personally?

Cath (Champ) asked the same question, neither of us have been tested so far.

 

Out of the two of us, I'm most likely as I have a lot of traits found on the autistic spectrum.

[TheSire]

On 26/04/2024 at 22:23, Elite said:

Diagnosed late, which I think has helped in some ways I've had to adapt through life. I'm very good at masking and can generally chameleon my way into most social interactions, etc but find I'm exhausted after it. I'm overstimulated by noise mostly. I live a reasonable normal life and my autism is nowhere as severe as others, I feel like an imposter sometimes when I see others who are further in the spectrum but then I think, i've been assessed by trained professionals who diagnosed me so I must be.

 

As for your son, I really don't know mate as every case is entirely different and the way his brain processes stuff could be alien to me. Maybe, in time he'll find his own way. Just give him space, quiet and don't overload him as that is definitely a trigger.

 

Zero help since diagnosis btw.

I think people forget there's a wide variation in now these things present. If you appear able to communicate and connect with people and understand social cues you go under the radar.

 

I only have an ADHD diagnosis but I find formal social stuff really exhausting and draining. I don't mind noise in itself but I get sensory overload where its hard to tune out unimportant stuff whilst trying to have a conversation with blurring music and other people trying to get your attention etc. It's actually really fucking stressful as I'm overly conscious I'll miss what they're saying and it may cause awkwardness if I mishear something or zone out.

[Aventus]

10 minutes ago, TheSire said:

I think people forget there's a wide variation in now these things present. If you appear able to communicate and connect with people and understand social cues you go under the radar.

 

I only have an ADHD diagnosis but I find formal social stuff really exhausting and draining. I don't mind noise in itself but I get sensory overload where its hard to tune out unimportant stuff whilst trying to have a conversation with blurring music and other people trying to get your attention etc. It's actually really fucking stressful as I'm overly conscious I'll miss what they're saying and it may cause awkwardness if I mishear something or zone out.

I'm the same, if I'm in a room where there's multiple conversations or conflicting noises my head falls off

[Bjornebye]

21 minutes ago, TheSire said:

I think the problem with counselling etc is we're so complex and form our opinions and ways of functioning for different reasons and there's no one magic fix for all. Eg things like "just get it off your chest" don't resonate with me as I'd more likely want to logically look at a problem or just be given advice on what to do.

Speaking from experience here mate. Talking is the most wonderful thing. Laying it out there is hard, really fucking hard. But once you’ve done that your shoulders will broaden. Speaking up is as good a drug as any. Last thing I wanted to do was speak vulnerable but fuck me it opened my eyes and felt like the world shifted 

[TheSire]

14 hours ago, Champ said:

We were talking about it at work again today; questioning why it had taken so long for us to see the generational link for young people being assessed to have ASD/ADHD

The poor understanding of the condition is a massive issue. The condition being poorly named isn't helpful either as you don't have to be hyperactive or even outwardly so (as in the hyperactivity can be internalised if you're able to suppress it to hide it as we're conditioned to behave as a child).

 

It also isn't a deficit of attention at all, quite the opposite in fact. The brain doesn't do a good job of prioritising sensory input so you focus on EVERYTHING. So any sensory input is deemed to be important so you'll find it impossible not to look away if you hear a noise etc. Background office chatter becomes clear and loud so reading or trying to concentrate is impossible.

 

Your brain is kind of in a forced multitasking mode in a way which is draining. Your brain basically can't effectively DIRECT its attention but it's actually VERY good at paying attention..... to everything at once.

 

Because of the stereotype around hyperactive children those that were able to blend in and be quiet or were doing well academically slipped through the net. The damage is done as you become an adult and hit crisis after crisis. Job losses and career changes, going through tons of hobbies but never quite mastering anything because novelty wears off and you move onto the new shiny thing.

 

People aren't aware of the secondary common symptoms like anxiety, depression, addiction issues etc. The problem is these end up being seen as their own problems and treated as such when treating the ADHD resolves these issues pretty much in an instant.

 

The amazing thing though is although it's a debilitating condition it's probably THE easiest psychiatric condition to treat. No medication comes close to ADHD meds in terms of effect size but with very few problematic side effects. I literally just get cold hands if it's a bit nippy out, who gives a fuck?

[Section_31]

15 minutes ago, TheSire said:

I think people forget there's a wide variation in now these things present. If you appear able to communicate and connect with people and understand social cues you go under the radar.

 

I only have an ADHD diagnosis but I find formal social stuff really exhausting and draining. I don't mind noise in itself but I get sensory overload where its hard to tune out unimportant stuff whilst trying to have a conversation with blurring music and other people trying to get your attention etc. It's actually really fucking stressful as I'm overly conscious I'll miss what they're saying and it may cause awkwardness if I mishear something or zone out.

 

I'm pretty sure I've got ADHD and that's exactly like me. People think I'm outgoing but I think that's more a defence mechanism I've developed, without realising it, to neutralise people. 

 

I don't like/can't cope with things like concerts and footy matches. I don't like parties and if I go, will find two or three people to talk to and hang around with them all night.

 

When I was in school and uni I used to completely switch off when the teacher was talking, completely. I was largely self taught and would have skim through any reading materials on my own, usually an hour before the exam.

 

I'm also certain I've got an aspect of adhd called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. When i read the symptoms it sounded exactly like me. Sensitive to all forms of rejection or perceived rejection, constantly looking for evidence of it, and it causes instant physical pain/anger.

[TheSire]

24 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Cath (Champ) asked the same question, neither of us have been tested so far.

 

Out of the two of us, I'm most likely as I have a lot of traits found on the autistic spectrum.

Tbh possibly as I can see traces of emotional deregulation at times. Just where your mind comes up with a possible explanation and it descends into a negative thought loop which is horrible. It's a common issue in ADHD, in fact it's a core symptom. Part of the job of the frontal part of the brain is to put the brakes on and inhibit our behaviour and this includes our emotions. Pre medication I'd get really bothered by silly things and couldn't switch off the dark ride, maybe the exception being with exercise. Post medication my mood is just so so much better and if life throws a curve ball I can just rationally stop and process it and move on. I don't avoid difficult situations anymore either, I just do what I can. The ruminating of thoughts is just an alien concept to me now. Its pretty amazing the difference tbh.

 

One easy way of explaining it is.... untreated you're living life on hard mode, with treatment it's dialled down significantly but without any downside and i was pleasantly surprised at how 'normal' meds feel. I don't feel like I've taken a drug, I expected to feel jittery etc but it's just a perfect balance of being calm but clear headed.

 

Okay..... went off on a massive tangent!

[TheSire]

15 minutes ago, Aventus said:

I'm the same, if I'm in a room where there's multiple conversations or conflicting noises my head falls off

Was at a wedding party last night. I'm absolutely fine if we go outside for a chat so it's not that I'm unsociable but if it's with loud music and I'm expected to chat etc I hate it and just wish I could disengage but you're conscious of looking bored and not getting involved. 

[TheSire]

17 minutes ago, Aventus said:

I'm the same, if I'm in a room where there's multiple conversations or conflicting noises my head falls off

A room full of the Mrs and her mates. Chaos. Screams of excitement and joy. No idea how there's 8 of them in the room and they're all switching between 3 or 4 different conversation groups.

[TheSire]

18 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Speaking from experience here mate. Talking is the most wonderful thing. Laying it out there is hard, really fucking hard. But once you’ve done that your shoulders will broaden. Speaking up is as good a drug as any. Last thing I wanted to do was speak vulnerable but fuck me it opened my eyes and felt like the world shifted 

So I think with most people this is 100% the case. Maybe with me I'm actually comfortable in opening up and I wonder if the actual act of talking isn't the thing that lifts my mood. I think my brain just wants the answer itself? I'm aware I might just be weird though!

 

Funnily enough was chatting to a lad last night about this and he was saying how his loud and dominant persona is all bullshit and he's actually quite sensitive underneath. I think we can really care about how we're perceived and build a front to present to the outside world and we get trapped in this false comfort that harms us in the long run.

[TheSire]

16 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I'm pretty sure I've got ADHD and that's exactly like me. People think I'm outgoing but I think that's more a defence mechanism I've developed, without realising it, to neutralise people. 

 

I don't like/can't cope with things like concerts and footy matches. I don't like parties and if I go, will find two or three people to talk to and hang around with them all night.

 

When I was in school and uni I used to completely switch off when the teacher was talking, completely. I was largely self taught and would have skim through any reading materials on my own, usually an hour before the exam.

 

I'm also certain I've got an aspect of adhd called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. When i read the symptoms it sounded exactly like me. Sensitive to all forms of rejection or perceived rejection, constantly looking for evidence of it, and it causes instant physical pain/anger.

Tbh I've noticed and thought the same. You just see traits or how someone thinks differently or comes to conclusions in a different way.

 

The rejection thing is probably more a part of emotional dysregulatiom. Exaggerated emotional responses because your brain can't inhibit these responses like a typical brain. It's probably partly because of a childhood of being told off etc and maybe we crave approval without realising it. It leads to people pleasing and saying yes, not setting boundaries etc.

 

I'd absolutely recommend looking into it. Medication is life changing if you also combine it with learning about the condition and then learning new hacks to plug those leaks. If you understand WHY the symptoms occur you can work with the condition instead of a never ending frustrating endeavour to do the things everyone else does. You can be just as effective as everyone else but some things just need a different approach.

[TheSire]

24 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I'm pretty sure I've got ADHD and that's exactly like me. People think I'm outgoing but I think that's more a defence mechanism I've developed, without realising it, to neutralise people. 

 

I don't like/can't cope with things like concerts and footy matches. I don't like parties and if I go, will find two or three people to talk to and hang around with them all night.

 

When I was in school and uni I used to completely switch off when the teacher was talking, completely. I was largely self taught and would have skim through any reading materials on my own, usually an hour before the exam.

 

I'm also certain I've got an aspect of adhd called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. When i read the symptoms it sounded exactly like me. Sensitive to all forms of rejection or perceived rejection, constantly looking for evidence of it, and it causes instant physical pain/anger.

I used to really struggle with conflict in relationships, I'd get this horrible fight or flight and just have to get out the house. An hour later I'm walking on my own and then panic that I've made it worse and then feel horribly guilty. It NEVER happens now, I can just pause if she says anything that I don't like and let it pass and not become overly emotional. No big fall out etc since treatment. 

[Creator Supreme]

@TheSire Bloody hell, reading your posts feels like reading about me, so many traits.

 

I hadn't even thought about adhd for myself, even though the lad has it.

[Section_31]

53 minutes ago, TheSire said:

I used to really struggle with conflict in relationships, I'd get this horrible fight or flight and just have to get out the house. An hour later I'm walking on my own and then panic that I've made it worse and then feel horribly guilty. It NEVER happens now, I can just pause if she says anything that I don't like and let it pass and not become overly emotional. No big fall out etc since treatment. 

 

How did you get diagnosed mate? Private or through the quack? I bet the latter would take ages these days.

[TheSire]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

@TheSire Bloody hell, reading your posts feels like reading about me, so many traits.

 

I hadn't even thought about adhd for myself, even though the lad has it.

It's highly genetic. Something like a 75% chance a parent has it. Maybe do this quick quiz and see where you score? 

 

[TheSire]

33 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

How did you get diagnosed mate? Private or through the quack? I bet the latter would take ages these days.

So I had to become a tory and go private. I actually do have an NHS referral to Psychiatry UK who pick up the slack as an NHS partner so I'll actually be treated by them once I'm at the front of the queue later this year. In the meantime I coughed up and went private as I'd have probably lost my job promotion or gotten sacked without help.

 

Best thing I've ever done though. Absolutely amazed how well the meds work and with no side effects. The difference is astounding and others notice even in subtle ways. I'm more social and confident because I don't feel like I've been injected with 50000mg of caffeine, I'm also able to keep track of conversation within daydreaming about butterflies or inventing a special red coloured jetpack product.

 

In terms of cost I paid £390 for the 90 minute assessment which included some detailed forms and the certificate of diagnosis which shows their rationale about your symptoms and the impact on your life as a child and adult.

 

This clinic charge £25 for the prescription (seems standard tbh but arguably you're paying to be on their books as opposed to the piece of paper) and meds can vary. Instant release tablets are very cheap but I find taking tablets 3 times a day is inconvenient and I do feel them kick in and wear off a bit. I prefer a long acting med that lasts 12 hours and is much smoother, I can take an instant release top up which gives me another 3 hours if needed.

 

Interestingly my sleep is much better, I both elect to go to bed earlier as I no longer feel the need to scroll or solve the worlds problems at 11pm and I stay asleep  and wake feeling refreshed. My appetite is actually better if anything and I don't snack on shite to dopamine seek anymore. I even notice my blood pressure has dropped about 15+ points even though the medication is a stimulant but I think people with ADHD respond differently to stimulant drugs vs a typical person as its giving is the correct level of brain signalling for us.

 

I feel very calm and content but also motivated and enthusiastic. My response to stress is healthy and not inappropriate and my range is mood is better; I feel the highs more instead of emotional flatness but if something happens that should upset me I can just roll with it and experience that instead of pushing away those feelings and avoiding things that might hurt me.

 

In the past I had no idea I had ADHD but was aware of shitty focus etc. Tried so many nonsense supplements and they either helped focus but made me anxious or calmed me but worsened focus etc. I am massively relieved that medication allows me to experience both having energy but whilst also being calm. I feel I have time to think in social situations too so no longer feel scattered and in a hurry. 

[Creator Supreme]

25 minutes ago, TheSire said:

It's highly genetic. Something like a 75% chance a parent has it. Maybe do this quick quiz and see where you score? 

 

Will go through that properly later, cheers.

[TheSire]

25 minutes ago, TheSire said:

It's highly genetic. Something like a 75% chance a parent has it. Maybe do this quick quiz and see where you score? 

 

The below is what's actually used to assess by the way. The above is just a good initial indicator to give some idea. The key thing is for both symptoms AND impact over both childhood and adulthood that can't be explained by other conditions.

 

Just remember that ADHD occurs alongside anxiety disorders and depression etc very commonly, if you have been diagnosed with these it doesn't mean you don't have ADHD, rather they're symptoms of ADHD as opposed to being their own thing. Eg when I take my special drugs anxiety and low mood just don't exist at all for me.

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.advancedassessments.co.uk/resources/ADHD-Screening-Test-Adult.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjy3Pzb7uSFAxXRUkEAHYfRAEwQFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1-ha9II6oWAIFAPq8A72DY

[TheSire]

BTW feel free to inbox if anyone reads any of this and it resonates and want to know anything. It's a massively underdiagnosed condition despite right wing gobshites trying to peddle the idea 'everyone has it these days'.

 

Prevalence of ADHD in all countries averages at around 5% so its very common. 0.1% in the UK are treated. So you're looking at 1 in 20 with it but 1 in 1000 getting help. Probably because teachers didn't know what to look for and the health system has no filter to catch people who are repeatedly getting diagnosed with multiple mental health conditions. Ie GP not flagging that a patient has had 5 mental heath diagnoses with 15 medications not working for them or making it worse. Its common for people to be treated for bipolar and their antipsychotic medication making their ADHD worse as they blunt dopamine signalling. 

[YorkshireRed]

A lot of kindred spirits on here for me. This brings me comfort, but also saddens me to read of others discomfort. 
 

The rejection things that Section wrote about, is me all over. I think I’ve become addicted to the suffering that causes over the years though. There are probably times when I’ve gone looking for it, or seen a rejection that probably wasn’t there. 
 

I have developed coping mechanisms for many of the things being discussed on these pages but, as I get older, these are becoming all the more difficult.
 

I’m also grieving for a life not lived, but simultaneously feeling guilty for those feelings as I have no right to them. 
 

My hope that, one day, someone will just tell me exactly what’s wrong, and how I can fix it. I’ve had a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, but I feel these are an output of something deeper. 
 

Until then, it’s good to know that places like this exist. It helps.