THE TLW TAVERN (no virus talk allowed, just small talk pub bollocks)

[Tony Moanero]

50 minutes ago, Trumo said:

* walk in *

 

* music scratches to a stop *

 

* everyone hushes and stares *

 

* back out slowly *

 

DUM DUM DUM DUM-DUM DU-DU-DU-DUM!

 

[manwiththestick]

Tobacco John has pissed himself in his sleep again.

[Guest]

Can I get an all day breakfast here? And do you mind if I take a photo of it with my car keys and I'll get a couple of conkers with it. As my name's not aRdja I'm expecting to pay less than £15.

 

I don't ask for much.

[Dave D]

12 minutes ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

Can I get an all day breakfast here? And do you mind if I take a photo of it with my car keys and I'll get a couple of conkers with it. As my name's not aRdja I'm expecting to pay less than £15.

 

I don't ask for much.

Whats your table number mate?

 

Help yourself to cutlery

[Captain Turdseye]

Everyone’s just piled out because there’s a man with a van full of genuine fake Lacoste trackies outside. 

[Captain Turdseye]

To the regiment. 
 

 

 

[Red74]

Want some after shaves or perfumes for your Mrs mate? 
 

I’ve got Hugo booss, John Ford, Calvin Plein here. Exactly the same as the real stuff just that the makers have to put cheap labels on by law. 
 

got packs of roast beef and legs of lamb here too if your interested.
 

No? Ok, you couldn’t sell me a bifter and lend us a quid for the fruity could you 

[Dave D]

17 minutes ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

Can I get an all day breakfast here? And do you mind if I take a photo of it with my car keys and I'll get a couple of conkers with it. As my name's not aRdja I'm expecting to pay less than £15.

 

I don't ask for much.

There you go mate. That'll be £12

 

[Dave D]

3 minutes ago, Red74 said:

Want some after shaves or perfumes for your Mrs mate? 
 

I’ve got Hugo booss, John Ford, Calvin Plein here. Exactly the same as the real stuff just that the makers have to put cheap labels on by law. 
 

got packs of roast beef and legs of lamb here too if your interested.
 

No? Ok, you couldn’t sell me a bifter and lend us a quid for the fruity could you 

Everyone knows if you switch the fruity off then on at the plug you get a free spin.

 

Although sometimes it trips the electrics

[Dave D]

Code turns up and spills someones pint again

 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I've not had a Vodka in ages...mmmm

[Chip Butty]

 

[A Red]

Right, first quiz question. "What you fucking looking at?"

[Karl_b]

Alright. Got any delicious porters or stouts, mate? Yeah, the darker the better please. 

 

Nice one, I'll be in the corner playing Settlers of Catan if anyone fancies a game?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Dave D said:

Whats your table number mate?

 

Help yourself to cutlery

Table number 6. Let's talk about it.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Dave D said:

There you go mate. That'll be £12

 

You know when you've been lifey'd.

[Bjornebye]

Liverpool Lad has popped in for a quick half 

 

 

 

[Karl_b]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Liverpool Lad has popped in for a quick half 

 

 

 

ANYONE SUM THIS PUB UP FOR ME?

[Trumo]

1 hour ago, Dave D said:

There you go mate. That'll be £12

 

 

14 minutes ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

You know when you've been lifey'd.

 

Fortunately there's a Breville out back so you can ask for a toastie.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Trumo said:

 

 

Fortunately there's a Breville out back so you can ask for a toastie.

Judging by the ingredients used in this place, the last thing I want to do is put it into two slices of bread and hope for the best as I bite into it.

 

I'm happy just to take the photo and post it for the pro beaners to have their field day.

[Dave D]

Getting a bit feisty in here with that lad in the Liverpool shirt plus the guy in the corner playing Settlers of Catan....

 

Plus my new barmaid is getting shagged out back.

 

Only one thing for it..... 

[Dave D]

[Strontium]

[cloggypop]

3 minutes ago, Dave D said:

14 pints of Old Peculiar and a packet of pork scratchings please. 

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

14 pints of Old Peculiar and a packet of pork scratchings please. 

Don't fancy yours much.