little things that annoy the shit out of you

[moof]

People who slow down to go to 20mph when going through a speed camera in a 30mph area and people who go over speed bump as if they are anti-personnel mines!

Some people have a low ground clearance or stiff suspension. I fucking despise speed bumps

[Spy Bee]

Some people have a low ground clearance or stiff suspension. I fucking despise speed bumps

I mean the ones driving Nissan Fucking Micras!

[moof]

Oh yeah, fuck those guys

[VladimirIlyich]

People who slow down to go to 20mph when going through a speed camera in a 30mph area and people who go over speed bump as if they are anti-personnel mines!

If you can afford to keep shelling out for new parts then good for you. The rest of us would like to avoid repairs as much as possible.

[stringvest]

Some people have a low ground clearance or stiff suspension. I fucking despise speed bumps

 

they're there for a reason.  And if you're driving a car with low ground clearance or stupidly stiff suspension you are the fucking reason.  

[Harry Squatter]

People who go to see clairvoyants and psychics. They just get blagged by people who say generic, cover all bases vague shite that the gullible person who hands over their money can interpret any way they want. Usually middle aged women who reckon they are going to win money or meet a new fella.

[stringvest]

People who go to see clairvoyants and psychics. They just get blagged by people who say generic, cover all bases vague shite that the gullible person who hands over their money can interpret and way they want.

 

 

"I'm hearing the word... Nonce"

[Bjornebye]

People who go to see clairvoyants and psychics. They just get blagged by people who say generic, cover all bases vague shite that the gullible person who hands over their money can interpret any way they want. Usually middle aged women who reckon they are going to win money or meet a new fella.

 

Hahaha yeah 

 

“You have a mum is that right? Oh wait wait….. your great great great grandma is dead is that correct?”

 

“Oh my god yes, yes that’s true”

 

“And a relative has a pet?”

 

“Barry the Goldfish my god yes!”

 

“Barry’s having a bad month”

 

“This is unreal!”

 

“Fortune awaits in a year with an even number, be well”

 

“Oh thank you thank you”

 

“That’ll be 200 quid”

[Bob]

Train wreck of a woman who worked for me until recently swore by them, and went on and on about it, while I continually told her she was being lied to and robbed, and that it's all a load of bollocks.

 

Anyway, she paid a load of money to go on a course and it turns out she's psychic too and has a Native American spirit guide that she'd either never noticed before or had just thought was part of a village people tribute act that had been stalking her.

 

She's now a psychic.

 

Doesn't bother me and cause me to do twice as much work as I had to though, so that's a bonus.

 

Funny thing is, despite being told several months earlier that the project shed been employed on for far longer than initially planned was winding up, she failed to see her redundancy letter coming and dealt with it as though I'd just killed her first born in front of her. Definitely psychic though. No question about that.

[Bjornebye]

Train wreck of a woman who worked for me until recently swore by them, and went on and on about it, while I continually told her she was being lied to and robbed, and that it's all a load of bollocks.

 

Anyway, she paid a load of money to go on a course and it turns out she's psychic too and has a Native American spirit guide that she'd either never noticed before or had just thought was part of a village people tribute act that had been stalking her.

 

She's now a psychic.

 

Doesn't bother me and cause me to do twice as much work as I had to though, so that's a bonus.

 

Funny thing is, despite being told several months earlier that the project shed been employed on for far longer than initially planned was winding up, she failed to see her redundancy letter coming and dealt with it as though I'd just killed her first born in front of her. Definitely psychic though. No question about that.

 

RIP Bob. You will make a good tent. 

 

EDIT: Fuck mate hang about a minute..... your having a shit time at the minute. Could be linked. I'm just saying. Don't rule it out. 

[stringvest]

Train wreck of a woman who worked for me until recently swore by them, and went on and on about it, while I continually told her she was being lied to and robbed, and that it's all a load of bollocks.

 

Anyway, she paid a load of money to go on a course and it turns out she's psychic too and has a Native American spirit guide that she'd either never noticed before or had just thought was part of a village people tribute act that had been stalking her.

 

She's now a psychic.

 

Doesn't bother me and cause me to do twice as much work as I had to though, so that's a bonus.

 

Funny thing is, despite being told several months earlier that the project shed been employed on for far longer than initially planned was winding up, she failed to see her redundancy letter coming and dealt with it as though I'd just killed her first born in front of her. Definitely psychic though. No question about that.

 

she didn't pee in your tee before she left I hope

[Trumo]

How could you?

[Bjornebye]

she didn't pee in your teepee before she left I hope

 

Fixed

[Harry Squatter]

Guy who sits next to me in work used to live in Toxteth, his Missus saw a sign outside the Pineapple pub on Park Road saying they were doing a psychic night and thy she was considering going, she went in and asked for details and was told tht the psychic was a woman who worked on the bar occasionally.

 

He said "oh yeah, that's Barbara, she's a fucking crank and an alcoholic who has been done for shoplifting 27 times from Tescos in Park Road. I don't think anything she has ever said in her life is the truth".

 

People still paid to see her though, although his wife didn't.

[Harry Squatter]

Dickheads who use speakerphone on their mobiles in public places. It's bad enough listening to one knobhead on a phone nevermind two. Why the fuck do these people think everyone wants to listen to their conversations?

[Bjornebye]

Dickheads who use speakerphone on their mobiles in public places. It's bad enough listening to one knobhead on a phone nevermind two. Why the fuck do these people think everyone wants to listen to their conversations?

 

Of all the cunt things people can do, the cunts that get on the train talking in a hands free are the fucking worst wankers. they just beat the ones who get onto a clearly packed train full of people standing up and still look for a seat to the gold medal in the cunt olympics. 

 

Especially these fucking wannabe middle class scumbags that get on the same train as me out of london every night. Fuck fucking you. 

 

Twats 

[stringvest]

Fixed

 

that was the joke Damien.

[Champ]

The way my next door neighbour 'just happens to come out into the garden' when I'm out there. And she cant just come out quietly and do whatever it is she's out for she has to announce herself to me by clearing her throat in an exaggerated way or singing, just trying to get my attention without actually calling over to me. And I have to carry on ignoring her, which must be pretty fucking obvious because who could miss her daft noises, which makes me feel a bit of a shit, or I end up going in until I think the coast is clear. Because the consequence of responding to her is risking being kept hostage for hours while she moans about her useless husband (which he might be but dont bring me into it). Just leave in peace, why dont you!

[rubble-rouser]

South West Trains. Work till half 9. On me 22-12 train home, told it's being diverted 'don't know why'. Get on next train - someone has been hit by a train at winnable don - all trains cancelled. Right , pint and a pie - oh hang on all the kitchens in all the pubs/restaurants in the station close at half 10. Horrible burger, still no trains. Pub has a departures screen on it ... Except it's not in sync with the actual departures board, and not is the national rail app. Also the station announcer has clocked off for the night so when a train appears on the board at half 11 and i sprint to the platform, they've already locked the doors and won't let me and a dozen other people on. Upshot - either wait till they've cancelled all the trains home, in which case they might stand you a cab at 1am or get a train halfway home and pay a fucking fortune for a cab. It's enough to make me want to push someone under a fucking train.

[lifetime fan]

South West Trains. Work till half 9. On me 22-12 train home, told it's being diverted 'don't know why'. Get on next train - someone has been hit by a train at winnable don - all trains cancelled. Right , pint and a pie - oh hang on all the kitchens in all the pubs/restaurants in the station close at half 10. Horrible burger, still no trains. Pub has a departures screen on it ... Except it's not in sync with the actual departures board, and not is the national rail app. Also the station announcer has clocked off for the night so when a train appears on the board at half 11 and i sprint to the platform, they've already locked the doors and won't let me and a dozen other people on. Upshot - either wait till they've cancelled all the trains home, in which case they might stand you a cab at 1am or get a train halfway home and pay a fucking fortune for a cab. It's enough to make me want to push someone under a fucking train.

 

They sound almost as good as First.

[Dr Nowt]

The way my next door neighbour 'just happens to come out into the garden' when I'm out there. And she cant just come out quietly and do whatever it is she's out for she has to announce herself to me by clearing her throat in an exaggerated way or singing, just trying to get my attention without actually calling over to me. And I have to carry on ignoring her, which must be pretty fucking obvious because who could miss her daft noises, which makes me feel a bit of a shit, or I end up going in until I think the coast is clear. Because the consequence of responding to her is risking being kept hostage for hours while she moans about her useless husband (which he might be but dont bring me into it). Just leave in peace, why dont you!

 

I'm feeling that one.  Woman downstairs is the same, other half thinks she's lovely but she's nosey as fuck and constantly tries to wheedle things out of you she can tell other residents, in the same way she tries to tell me who Flat X is shagging or why Flat Y's sister is living with him as her marriage has broken up, or other such unsolicited shite I have no interest in when I'm chucking my recycling away.

 

You just have to be rude Champ, its the only way.  She doesn't come to speak to me anymore as I had to make it too obvious for anyone to miss in the finish, having had her coincidentally appear when I went to my car daily for months, and not being able to be arsed to keep it up.  Got chided indoors for it by someone who thinks I'm uneccessarily rude but what can you do?  When "Are you asking me that on a need-to-know-basis?" and "I'm not really Neighbourhood Watch material, so feel free not to keep me in the loop on other people's private lives" don't work, there's little room left for hints.

[rubble-rouser]

Champ, champ, champ. She clearly fancies you. Now pics or ...

[rubble-rouser]

You'd want expenses Lizzie. Otherwise people start taking liberties. Before toy knows it you're morning their lawn.

[Bjornebye]

American accents

 

Why are they so loud and screechy? Their is a woman who gets on the train same stop as me and she is a yankee doodle cunt. Talks really animated and loud. Even stood 20 yards away it sounds like she is shouting in your ear. Thank fuck I manage to get in a different carriage everyday.

 

Exaggerated american twats

[Champ]

I'm feeling that one.  Woman downstairs is the same, other half thinks she's lovely but she's nosey as fuck and constantly tries to wheedle things out of you she can tell other residents, in the same way she tries to tell me who Flat X is shagging or why Flat Y's sister is living with him as her marriage has broken up, or other such unsolicited shite I have no interest in when I'm chucking my recycling away.

 

You just have to be rude Champ, its the only way.  She doesn't come to speak to me anymore as I had to make it too obvious for anyone to miss in the finish, having had her coincidentally appear when I went to my car daily for months, and not being able to be arsed to keep it up.  Got chided indoors for it by someone who thinks I'm uneccessarily rude but what can you do?  When "Are you asking me that on a need-to-know-basis?" and "I'm not really Neighbourhood Watch material, so feel free not to keep me in the loop on other people's private lives" don't work, there's little room left for hints.

 

 

She's impervious, Lizzie. Even to Mr Champ's cold shoulder 

 

Champ, champ, champ. She clearly fancies you. Now pics or ...

We call her Poison Dwarf, or P Diddy, for short. Nothing to see here