The world of a woman.

[Champ]

She has cheese on toast then. Nothing up with that per se, but it ain't no pizza.

I guess. I just had this picture of everything else just sliding off the base

[Ginny]

I was chilling with my bird today in the sun. I kept asking her was she ok as she was really quiet and hadn't shouted at me all day.

[General Dryness]

I was chilling with my bird today in the sun. I kept asking her was she ok as she was really quiet and hadn't shouted at me all day.

 

Thats when they're at their most dangerous. If she's not calling you a cunt, she's thinking you're one.

[Ginny]

Thats when they're at their most dangerous. If she's not calling you a cunt, she's thinking you're one.

Haha - spot on!

[Nunavut Patrick]

I was chilling with my bird today in the sun. I kept asking her was she ok as she was really quiet and hadn't shouted at me all day.

Oh dear.

 

When they are shouty at least you have half a clue. i reckon you have 48 hours from your first query to either of the following scenerios:

 

1- whatever you have done, or not done, or said, or not said, is being stewed upon and waiting for something to trigger an emotional outburst. Keep her occupied with vaccous telly or celeb mags and pretend everything you do is like being a 700lb silverback gorilla in a room of eggshells. Geordie Shore, Benefits Britian or the Brit equivalent of Entertainment Tonight.

 

2- her menses is so bad she cannot even muster the strength to complain. This happened to mine on occasion. Look for bloating. But do not make it obvious. I thought of it as the prize for suffering PMS.

 

3- she is binbagging you and is going over the details in her mind. Look for a sly smile. Women never smile slyly unless it is contemplating the misery they are about to put a man through.I have had pine cones, tub of margerine, a peanut butter jar thrown at me, being charged at, been Elained a al Seinfeld with a chest push but with a more sinister purpose, being shouted at, etc and believe me the most frightening is the sly smile.

 

 

Good Luck.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Jesus we've not even had our mortgage approved yet and my missus is burning my head out about the layout of our bedroom in a new house. She's drawn a crude, not to scale in any capacity, drawing of how we'll fit our bed, huge wardrobe, chest of drawers and bedside cabinets into a room smaller than ours now. We don't even have the wardrobe in now!!

 

"Paulie, Paulie, look at the picture it'll work"

 

It's fucking gibberish woman!!!!!

[Dr Nowt]

I suspect that drawing may achieve legendary status if scanned and posted on here.

[Nunavut Patrick]

I suspect that drawing may achieve legendary status if scanned and posted on here.

Especially if in the floorplan standing atop the wardrobe is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.

[Bobby Hundreds]

That's ace. A floor plan design with absolutely no use of measurements. Its basically just drawing random shapes. I'd doodle the moon in there too and say jesus your right if the moon fits in there we could easily fit a dresser too.

[Paulie Dangerously]

 

The numbers used are the correct measurements but she's not accurately measured any of the furniture, factored in the radiator, floor space or the airing cupboard in the top right. You'll note that absolutely zero scaling has been used

[Dr Nowt]

Very few things ever crease me up.  That has.

[Mook]

Paulie has officially won the world of a woman thread.

[Chip Butty]

Ask her to do some percentage of floor space used and free. See how that goes.

 

 

Last week, daughter went shopping and got two items from Ted Baker with a 15% discount on each, she walk in, tells me bird and me bird pipes up " thats great love, 30% off, thats a bargain"

 

Tried to explain but am "just trying to prove her wrong and I always have to be right"

 

Yep. 

 

The 5 more items and you would of got the whole lot virtually free shout, drew a puzzled penny drop face.

 

 

We're not doing counting an'adding an'dat in our house any more. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

You'd think someone who had a degree in physics would understand space and mass more.

 

[Dr Nowt]

Paulie has officially won the world of a woman thread.

 

I think he can declare safe in the knowledge no-one's chasing that total down.

[stringvest]

The numbers used are the correct measurements but she's not accurately measured any of the furniture, factored in the radiator, floor space or the airing cupboard in the top right. You'll note that absolutely zero scaling has been used

 

she works in the kitchen design department in Magnet.  I know it.  

[Hand Shandy]

It would appear, to my untrained eye, that your bedroom door opens into one of your bedside tables...

 

[General Dryness]

The numbers used are the correct measurements but she's not accurately measured any of the furniture, factored in the radiator, floor space or the airing cupboard in the top right. You'll note that absolutely zero scaling has been used

 

What are the square things either side of what I'm assuming is the bed? Are they bedside tables? Mental.

[Champ]

Of course they are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its just they're half way down the bed

[Mook]

Maybe it's a flying bed.

[Carvalho Diablo]

A 6foot Steve Davis Pot Black snooker table, with a spare set of pool balls and a cue you can screw in half for all of tricky "wardrobe shots".

[General Dryness]

Maybe it's a flying bed.

 

Yeah, if those square things are missile pods, then fair enough.

 

If they're bedside tables, fuck off. Mental.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Yes bedside cabinets. They were hastily drawn in pencil over the original blueprint to "prove" that the bed and cabinets would fit. Drawn with no thought to dimensions I might add.

[Champ]

Yes bedside cabinets. They were hastily drawn in pencil over the original blueprint to "prove" that the bed and cabinets would fit. Drawn with no thought to dimensions I might add.

 

If not necessarily up against the back wall

[Bjornebye]

In stitches here. They are fucking nuts all of them