Ladies Farting in Work

[Joeys Pogo]

I was approached today by a colleague who wants me to have a word with the girl who sits next to him about her trumping.

 

She has switched to a healthy diet of lots of fruit and nuts etc and is apparently merrily (but silently) pumping away. She has a fan on her desk which wafts some of the offending arsegas away but some is fighting its way through to him. Everyone is too embarassed to say anything but as manager I have to act.

 

Do I either go for the in yer face "eh stop it you filthy mare" approach or something more subtle.

 

Before you ask she's a moose if that makes a difference.

 

Help appreciated I'm in a dilemma here

[Stu Monty]

Fire him for being a pussy.

 

Problem solved.

[redrosetints]

While I dont condone discrimination of a racist or sexist nature. I am, however, not so choosy about Moose. Sack her and hire yourself a sexy chick who can give you some pumping.

[drewy]

While I dont condone discrimination of a racist or sexist nature. I am, however, not so choosy about Moose. Sack her and hire yourself a sexy chick who can give you some pumping.

 

I concur. Sack the dog and get some dolly bird in, whose arse you wouldn't mind sucking the farts out of.

[redrosetints]

I concur. Sack the dog and get some dolly bird in, whose arse you wouldn't mind sucking the farts out of.

 

Not sure about sucking them out though Drewy. Id probablt try to cut them out at source and ram something up there that will stop them coming out, a finger maybe or perhaps something else would spring to hand (well it usually does!)

[Joeys Pogo]

I concur. Sack the dog and get some dolly bird in, whose arse you wouldn't mind sucking the farts out of.

 

That Tribunal would be interesting

 

Chairman - why did you sack her exactly?

 

Me - I was advised by some internet nerds to get shut cos she is a moose and replace her with a dolly bird whose arse I wouldn't mind sucking the farts out of

 

Chairman - do you think that is fair

 

Me - Oh aye don't you

[drewy]

That Tribunal would be interesting

 

Chairman - why did you sack her exactly?

 

Me - I was advised by some internet nerds to get shut cos she is a moose and replace her with a dolly bird whose arse I wouldn't mind sucking the farts out of

 

Chairman - do you think that is fair

 

Me - Oh aye don't you

 

If the chairman was fair minded and liked the rack on your dolly bird I don't see the problem mate.

[Stu Monty]

Could one of you two losers change your avatar; it makes things far too confusing.

[bri]

leave a sselection of air freshners on her desk. or put yourself into the third person and imagine yourself as david brent

[drewy]

leave a sselection of air freshners on her desk. or put yourself into the third person and imagine yourself as david brent

 

Fuckin ell Bri, Gav is wankered and know you come pissed as girl as well! You single lads fuck me off. Pissed on a school night? I should be so lucky.

[drewy]

Could one of you two losers change your avatar; it makes things far too confusing.

 

Confusing for a numpty maybe. I agree however, I had Shanks first so Joeys pogo should change his.

 

Joey P if you want another pic of Shanks PM me. I have a vast selection of g pics of the great man.

[Guest Jay W]

With a rich diet it is quiet hard not too for the first few weeks as your bodies adjusting, plus the fact you shit for England, but, anything after the first few weeks she's just being a dirty bint and needs to put a cork in it...

[thechap]

A bird I was living with years ago was stood near to me in the bedroom naked from the waist down. She stuck out her arse and did an awful sounding fart. This was not unusual for her in the extreme.

 

She went out shortly afterwards and I wandered across the bedroom barefooted. I suddenly felt something very cold and wet underfoot. I looked down and it looked like a blob of filling from a mince pie only a bit runnier and wetter. I picked it up in tissue and sniffed it.

 

 

The fucking dirty bitch.

 

She later admitted to me that she had followed through but thought she had got away with it beacuse she thought the projectile had failed to squeeze past her cheeks. In other words, she went straight to the loo - which I remember her doing - and pulled out even more of the mince pie from her arse cheeks.

 

Surely even a sexual deviant into shit would not approve...?

 

 

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

[CharleyKnight]

A bird I was living with years ago was stood near to me in the bedroom naked from the waist down. She stuck out her arse and did an awful sounding fart. This was not unusual for her in the extreme.

 

She went out shortly afterwards and I wandered across the bedroom barefooted. I suddenly felt something very cold and wet underfoot. I looked down and it looked like a blob of filling from a mince pie only a bit runnier and wetter. I picked it up in tissue and sniffed it.

 

 

The fucking dirty bitch.

 

She later admitted to me that she had followed through but thought she had got away with it beacuse she thought the projectile had failed to squeeze past her cheeks. In other words, she went straight to the loo - which I remember her doing - and pulled out even more of the mince pie from her arse cheeks.

 

Surely even a sexual deviant into shit would not approve...?

 

 

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

 

 

I'd have fucken battered her for that. Don't condone hitting women or bullying in the slightest but that was a carnal sin and has to be punished with a short, sharp, swift right hook to the temple.

[Paul]

I know this sounds like a massive over-reaction, but I'd take some advice from your HR department (if you have one) before doing anything. The conversation you're about to have has "stroppy bitch with pound signs in her eyes" written all over it. You could end up in a tribunal in it goes pear shaped.

[Stu Monty]

A bird I was living with years ago was stood near to me in the bedroom naked from the waist down. She stuck out her arse and did an awful sounding fart. This was not unusual for her in the extreme.

 

She went out shortly afterwards and I wandered across the bedroom barefooted. I suddenly felt something very cold and wet underfoot. I looked down and it looked like a blob of filling from a mince pie only a bit runnier and wetter. I picked it up in tissue and sniffed it.

 

 

The fucking dirty bitch.

 

She later admitted to me that she had followed through but thought she had got away with it beacuse she thought the projectile had failed to squeeze past her cheeks. In other words, she went straight to the loo - which I remember her doing - and pulled out even more of the mince pie from her arse cheeks.

 

Surely even a sexual deviant into shit would not approve...?

 

 

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

 

Let's hear it then.

[Stouffer]

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

 

Spill the beans!

[Stouffer]

JP, why don't you just post her e-mail address on here and we'll let her down gently.

 

 

Dear Moose,

 

Joeys Pogo says that you are a farty smelly bitch. If you don't pack your trumping you're going to get sacked as he would like to replace you with a fitter bird who doesn't stink.

 

Regards - TLW GF

 

PS you stink!

[Joeys Pogo]

Confusing for a numpty maybe. I agree however, I had Shanks first so Joeys pogo should change his.

 

Joey P if you want another pic of Shanks PM me. I have a vast selection of g pics of the great man.

 

 

Fair call - I will replace my picture of the great man with something else

 

I quite like the idea of your posts getting mixed up with mine though

 

1. Yours are usually funnier and I might get the credit

2. Confusing people floats my boat

 

Anyway I'll find something different

[Stu Monty]

A good replacement JP.

[thechap]

Spill the beans!

 

Well, okay but Mr Knights comment about a right hook applies to this one more.

 

This bird had something of a hygeine problem, particularly under her arms. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else has come across this with any other bird but one day - I SWEAR TO GOD - her fanny took on an aroma of onion soup, which lingered for about a month. I noticed it when in close quarters with it and it took a few days before I plucked up the courage to tell her. She found it perplexing but also amusing. Fuckin hell, if your cock suddenly took on a highly unusual aroma would you A) Laugh it off or B) Shit yourself and go to the quacks or at least sort it out somehow.

 

Anyway, one day during the onion soup time, I was drunk enough to go down on her again - I basically tried to imagine she was French and not Welsh. While I was busy I suddenly noticed I was not alone. Nestling among her botty hairs was a perfectly formed and perfectly spherical nugget of brown gold. About 1/3 of an inch across.

 

For fuck's sake.

 

Suddenly the smell of onion soup became a pleasant distraction. I shot up and told her "I think you may have followed through with an earlier fart."

 

Guess what?

 

She laughed.

 

Guess what she said?

 

"I though I had."

 

 

Honestly, I feel fucking ill just typing this. And it happened in 1994.

[bri]

only one thing to do JP, take her out, get her pissed and nail her.

[Joeys Pogo]

only one thing to do JP, take her out, get her pissed and nail her.

 

Mate I wouldn't even with yours - trust me I'm not that fussy either

[Vincent Vega]

Well, okay but Mr Knights comment about a right hook applies to this one more.

 

This bird had something of a hygeine problem, particularly under her arms. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else has come across this with any other bird but one day - I SWEAR TO GOD - her fanny took on an aroma of onion soup, which lingered for about a month. I noticed it when in close quarters with it and it took a few days before I plucked up the courage to tell her. She found it perplexing but also amusing. Fuckin hell, if your cock suddenly took on a highly unusual aroma would you A) Laugh it off or B) Shit yourself and go to the quacks or at least sort it out somehow.

 

Anyway, one day during the onion soup time, I was drunk enough to go down on her again - I basically tried to imagine she was French and not Welsh. While I was busy I suddenly noticed I was not alone. Nestling among her botty hairs was a perfectly formed and perfectly spherical nugget of brown gold. About 1/3 of an inch across.

 

For fuck's sake.

 

Suddenly the smell of onion soup became a pleasant distraction. I shot up and told her "I think you may have followed through with an earlier fart."

 

Guess what?

 

She laughed.

 

Guess what she said?

 

"I though I had."

 

 

Honestly, I feel fucking ill just typing this. And it happened in 1994.

 

Is that her in your avatar?

[Stouffer]

That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. What the fuck were you doing going out with her? Was is for a bet, a dare meybe. Or are you just mad!