The world of a woman.

[tokyojoe]

I got in from work about 5 mins before kick off, needed to make and eat my tea plus have a shower so pointless trying to watch the minute I walked through the door.

I'll let you off. This time.

[Dougie Do'ins]

She bought me a birthday present earlier using my Amazon account, which sent a confirmation email to me, telling me what and how much.

Reminds me of my mates surprise 30th birthday his missus arranged. She spent fucking months planning it. Friends and family attending from all round the country and beyond. The cat was kept in the bag until the night of the event. He'd met up with his brother as arranged to go for a few pints, one of them being the venue its self while she was supposed to at home with the kids. The cover was blown when he and his brother arrived at the venue to find her car parked right outside the front doors.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Anyone else's other half obsessed with how old people on telly are?

 

"How old do you think Mel Brooks/Matt Baker/Russell Crow is?"

 

Every 5 minutes

[lifetime fan]

She bought me a birthday present earlier using my Amazon account, which sent a confirmation email to me, telling me what and how much.

It cost you.

[Furmedge]

It cost you.

Every day.

[General Dryness]

You had to record the f******l so she could watch Fanny Cradock? Get a fucking grip.

 

How else is she going to get all her cakes to turn out like Fannys?

[VladimirIlyich]

How else is she going to get all her cakes to turn out like Fannys?

Fishcakes.

[Mook]

My boss discussing 'Diversity' with the new woman this morning.

 

"They used to call them ethnic minorities, but I think it's us who is in the minority now."

 

Sitting in an office populated with 200 white people.

 

She asked me why I'd gone quiet during the conversation, I said that I was very busy & didn't have time to be racist. Didn't go down spectacularly.

[Pureblood]

I might write a sitcom about you and your boss.  It has legs.

 

In fact, I might call it that.

 

"It Has Legs".

 

Does she have nice legs?

[Mook]

I might write a sitcom about you and your boss. It has legs.

 

In fact, I might call it that.

 

"It Has Legs".

 

Does she have nice legs?

For fear of repeating myself, this is my boss' doppelganger (especially the legs).

 

 

[Pureblood]

It's on.

 

*grabs quill* 

[Harry Squatter]

A woman me and Mrs know had an affair with another man for 3 years. Her husband found out and packed her bags for her and told her to fuck off to her fella. Anyway this fella doesn't want to know so she's virtually homeless.

 

After her two daughters feel sorry for her and ask the Dad if she can move back in until she gets her own flat and the dad reluctantly agrees as long as she keeps away from him as much as possible.

 

She moaned to my Mrs today that he's been a cunt by making her feel a stranger in her own home and not cooking her any breakfasts or dinner. She says he was out of order not making her a bacon sarnie in the morning.

 

The fact that she was making him look like an idiot for 3 years by shagging another man behind his back has completely escaped her.

[cloggypop]

I might write a sitcom about you and your boss. It has legs.

 

In fact, I might call it that.

 

"It Has Legs".

 

Does she have nice legs?

Mook might.

[tokyojoe]

Her Indoors, sister and mum set off to the Isle of Wight yesterday. It was for her mum’s birthday which could obviously have been planned well in advance.

 

The first contact was made with the only surviving relative there on Thursday and turns out she was going to be on the mainland this weekend. Just after they departed yesterday I get a call saying can you check the postcode for the ferry port at Portsmouth so her sister could set the fucking satnav. I ring through to the terminal and turns out they have to have a booking. Have they got one? No. Her indoors manages to get them on a boat so they could spend yesterday evening driving around looking for somewhere to stay. This place could only take them for Friday night so they now have to drive around to find somewhere for tonight. They come home Sunday.

 

The perfect example of female (lack of) planning. I am at home at peace (hopefully)with the three cats.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

A woman me and Mrs know had an affair with another man for 3 years. Her husband found out and packed her bags for her and told her to fuck off to her fella. Anyway this fella doesn't want to know so she's virtually homeless.

 

After her two daughters feel sorry for her and ask the Dad if she can move back in until she gets her own flat and the dad reluctantly agrees as long as she keeps away from him as much as possible.

 

She moaned to my Mrs today that he's been a cunt by making her feel a stranger in her own home and not cooking her any breakfasts or dinner. She says he was out of order not making her a bacon sarnie in the morning.

 

The fact that she was making him look like an idiot for 3 years by shagging another man behind his back has completely escaped her.

No chance I'd have let her back in. She made her choice.

[Champ]

She bought me a birthday present earlier using my Amazon account, which sent a confirmation email to me, telling me what and how much.

Thread hint?

[Champ]

This without any shadow of a doubt is the world of a woman. And in the world of a woman, this is a perfectly reasonable reaction.

In the world of some women

[littletedwest]

Get home from work and she's going mad as her coats been nicked off the washing line.

It's defo been nicked. Checked and it was still in the washing machine

" look Mrs tedwest them robbing cunts have stole it then broke in and put it back in the washer"

[Remmie]

Thread hint?

I'd never do such a thing for my upcoming birthday on 2nd October

[Scott_M]

I just want to grab my wife and do this to her at the moment:

 

 

After the shenanigans of the key incident a few weekends ago, she’s following it up with just a being a bigger and bigger moron.

 

1) It’s bin day. I take the bins out. She’s ordered something from Debenhams and what looks like empty rubbish bags by the front door so I pick it up and put it in the bin.

 

Where are my Debenhams bags?

I put them in the bin.

Why, it had my new bras in it?

It looked like empty bags.

No, they had my stuff in.

Oh, sorry but maybe rubbish looking backs shouldn’t be left by the door on bin day. Sorry again, I’ll buy you the new bras.

*Tears*

 

I take this is actually my fault but surely common sense would tell you otherwise?

 

2) Last Sunday, our friends were meant to be coming round for lunch. All morning she’s talking about how she’s looking forward to entertaining and showing off our new house etc etc. We’re potty training at the moment and our daughter has an accident and pisses on the floor - straight away, TODAY IS CANCELLED!!! So I try to leave her to calm down for a bit and talk to her again. NO TODAY IS CANCELLED, followed by more ranting. I then have to make up some lie to my mate telling him it’s cancelled and apologise.

 

3) She’s a bridesmaid next year at her friends wedding and the Hen Do seems be spiralling out of control (not her fault but anyway...)

 

So, is the Hen Do still over May Bank holiday?

It might be a week now.

Oh, Ok, where you going?

I think Las Vegas, Katie has her heart set on it.

I thought the other 2 bridesmaids have said they can’t afford that?

They can’t.

I thought you said you can’t afford it?

I can’t but if that’s what Katie wants...

Ok, I’ll have to take time off work to look after Alice but it’s not a problem and I think you should go

I wasn’t asking your permission, if that’s what we’re doing, I’m going.

No need for that. I’m not saying that, I’m saying I think you should go.

Just as well, I wasn’t asking your permission.

 

This goes round in circles for a bit now. She forgets I didn’t go on my mates stag do for 3 nights to Barcelona this summer because I made a decision I could afford it and go on holiday with her and our daughter so I did something for us.

 

I’m going to Seville in the CL in November. It then gets round to this...

 

You didn’t ask me if you could go to Seville.

Yes I did.

No you didn’t.

Yes I did, we had many conservations about me wanting to go away.

Yeah but you never said Seville.

I didn’t know it was Seville until the draw. I said would you like to come

....anyway, I’m not asking your permission on Vegas.

 

3) Next, she wants a new phone and has been saving to buy one outright. She wants an IPhone X.

 

Do you think I should get an IPhone X?

Do you want one?

Yes.

Get one then.

Don’t you think they are expensive?

Yes, £1000 for a phone with little upgrade on your current phone is expensive, hence why I’m not upgrading.

So I shouldn’t get one?

It’s your money.

So I shouldn’t get one?

No, I said if you’ve saved for it, you should do what you want. If just told you the reasons why I’m not getting one.

Maybe I’ll just break the screen and get a new 6S on Insurance.

To be honest, that would make more sense as you might need this extra money for the Hen Do

 

The conversation then goes round in circles again about the Hen Do. She’s also forgetting her strongly hinting I shouldn’t get a Nintendo Switch earlier in the year because I couldn’t afford it (I could but I couldn’t, if you know what I mean...) so I didn’t get one.

 

4) My wife is from Montana originally and wants to take our daughter back over to see her Grandpa as he’s got knee and back issues and says he can’t come here, although he manages to go to Boston to see her cousin and Arizona to play golf recently. He also never emails, never calls, never Skypes & generally makes no effort to see how she & our daughter our. When we’ve been to California, we’ve invited him down to see us and his reply was ‘Cant you come up to Montana’. No we fucking cant, we’ve come far enough.

 

I worked in the US one summer and I tagged on going up to Montana on the end of the trip and I’ll be polite and just say there isn’t much to do there and it isn’t the way I wish to spend my 2 week break. It’s also a fucking pain in the ass to get to, multiple stops and expensive.

 

I want to go to Montana next year to see Grandpa.

Ok.

I want to take Alice.

Ok.

Do you want to come?

How long for?

2 weeks.

No.

Why not?

It’s too far, too expensive and there isn’t much to do there.

I go and see your family

Yeah, my Dad lives

Well I want to take Alice.

I don’t think you should.

Why not?

(She’ll be approaching 3 by the time we go) It’s too far, too expensive and nothing to do.

We went to Miami with Alice.

Miami was a 8 hour direct flight. Billings is 16 hours with 2 stops.

I found a flight from London for 14 hours and 1 stop.

We live in Leeds, we have to get to Heathrow, so it’s not any shorter at all, in fact it’s longer.

We could go to my aunts lake house while we are there? Alice would love playing outside there.

That’s another 4 hour drive on top of the ridiculous flight. Also, it’s not safe for Alice to play in the woods, there’s snakes and Coyotes in the woods, you heard them(and there genuinely is).

You suggested going to Mexico on holiday?

Yeah and I came to the conclusion we can’t afford it! You know this.

You looked at going to California once and flying up to Billings for the weekend.

Yes.

Could we do that.

When we go back to California, I have no problem doing that. But guess what, we can’t afford it this year!

 

Cue face on. I know I’ve not heard the last of this one at all. I’ve been looking into it and it’s easier, quicker and cheaper to get to Pyongyang than Billings, that’s my next reply! I don’t want to sound selfish but it’s not the way I want to spend my family 2 week break - as I’ve made clear earlier, I put doing stuff together the 3 of us above anything else.

 

If she does this, plus whatever eventually happens for the Hen Do, when I suggest our family holiday, she’s going to say she can’t afford it and has no holiday at work.

 

Our daughter hasn’t been sleeping well for a while, which I know is taking it’s toll on her. I try to help wherever I can but it never seems

to be enough. About 50% of nights, including tonight, she goes to bed at 8pm and leaves me by myself. I’m actually quite upset about it. I know I can be a difficult at times but I always try / do my best for the 3 of us. My wife is normally quite rational and easy going but at the moment she’s just irrational. I’m trying to be supportive but I’m finding it harder and harder.

 

Anyway, idiot sandwich.

[Rico1304]

^ This is in the wrong thread.

[Elite]

That post needs chapters.

[Sputnik1]

It needs chapters and he needs a medal for patience. 

[Trumo]

...My wife is normally quite rational and easy going but at the moment she’s just irrational...

 

Sigh.

[Guest]