50 Shades of Grey......

[Sandford]

There is money to be made here. I'm having a go at writing my own novel entitled "2 shades of brown and a shade of pink". I will give you a short extract for your perusal.

It is set in present day Leeds . It is about a woman who enters into a contract with a local chip shop owner who provides her with unlimited saveloy and chips in return for unlimited sexual favours.

"I wish i'd veeted me kipper this morning " she thought as she stood, bent over the various bottles of sauce and the still smoking ashtray " me minge must look like Bilbo Baggins' foot!"

She gasped in ecstacy as his enormous neanderthal fist pummeled the turtles head back into her lower intestine like a ford granada piston.

he had a lob on like a fucking crane jib, he wasn't about to stop because her badge looked like a badly packed kebab rescued from a barbers floor.........

 

I'll order 1!!

[Captain Turdseye]

If I needed this book to spice up my sex life then I would have to question where I had been going wrong.

 

It's not really that though is it? It's more like 'fucking hell, I bet everyone will be doing this now, i need to do it too, I NEED to do it and discuss it in work otherwise I'll be on the outside, the outside!!!'

 

And this isn't a dig at the lad's mrs, this'll be going on everywhere, guaranteed. It's mindblowing.

 

That's what's happened Section, her mate put her onto the book, and her mate must have been having a little go with her fella. I've seen them on Facebook laughing about getting deliveries. I'll roll with it and have a laugh.

 

And LL, it doesn't need spicing up mate, we're long distance at the minute so at it like rabbits whenever we get the chance. It's just a bit of fun, lighten up and stop sounding like an old fart!

[bossy]

The thing is, there's so much stuff about nowadays that it's hard to know what to choose unless you're a geek who investigates everything going. When so many women started posting about this and then the press got in to it, others decided to see what the fuss was about. They found it exciting and acceptable because many are getting in to it. Everywhere you go people are calling it shit but lots of women who never would have contemplated such a book are finding they want to experience something because it can all get a bit shit can't it? Good luck to them.

[md1892]

Can't be as good as these !!

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/gf-general-forum/71943-kriss-akabusi-stories.html

[melons]

expert doctor as well as sex therapist...my god where do you get the time to come on here?

 

 

 

Haha, you bell-end, you might want to check out who you're talking too before going off on one. I actually am quite experienced in the field of PNI, having worked specifically with women who've suffered from the condition for many years, so unless you're Proff Brockington, Margaret Oates or the like, well you can just fuck off on thinking you can belittle me.

[Section_31]

Mmm Sandford.

 

 

That's my cock.

 

Frankie was sipping her cafe du jour, it was New Zealand Peaberry. 'Wow' she thought, I'm so fucking boss and my career is going from strength to strength. Then a big scouser walked in called Section_31. She didn't know what to make of him, but he looked like what the ancient Romans would have called 'a beast of the fields', the kind of man who centuries ago may have been found prowling the Steppes of Russia, slaying his enemy's firstborn and bathing his wounds in the tears of widows - but with a bigger cock. Without further ado he whipped his dick out and rested it on her head. "What do you think about that then?", he said. Frankie was entranced, he was so clearly a cunt - how could she resist?

[withnail71]

"flakes of dried discharge fell like November snow as his enormous pebbles smashed against her balloon knot.

The smell of rotting fish heads arose from her tatty hole and mingled with the aroma of meat pies and all the while she thought of battered sausage.

Finally his enormous bellend erupted like a giant cods head spewing man-mayo into her sloppy lady cave.

She could hold back no more, and as she came she dropped her chips onto the stained lino of Feta Bobs kebab and fish emporium....

[Magic Sponge]

"flakes of dried discharge fell like November snow as his enormous pebbles smashed against her balloon knot.

The smell of rotting fish heads arose from her tatty hole and mingled with the aroma of meat pies and all the while she thought of battered sausage.

Finally his enormous bellend erupted like a giant cods head spewing man-mayo into her sloppy lady cave.

She could hold back no more, and as she came she dropped her chips onto the stained lino of Feta Bobs kebab and fish emporium....

 

*wanks furiously*

[Sandford]

Haha, you bell-end, you might want to check out who you're talking too before going off on one. I actually am quite experienced in the field of PNI, having worked specifically with women who've suffered from the condition for many years, so unless you're Proff Brockington, Margaret Oates or the like, well you can just fuck off on thinking you can belittle me.

 

Going off on one??? When did i do that? it was banter!!

 

When you say you've worked with women who have suffered from the condition for many years - Do you mean you have lots of experience or you have worked with women who have had the condition longer than most??

[melons]

Going off on one??? When did i do that? it was banter!!

 

When you say you've worked with women who have suffered from the condition for many years - Do you mean you have lots of experience or you have worked with women who have had the condition longer than most??

 

Apologies, I took it the wrong way.

 

 

Both as it happens, perinatal psychiatrists tend to not take on women after 1 year, but the average diagnosis takes place around the 6-8 month mark, by the time it's realised a woman needs specific support that one year line has passed and the mother is brushed off to a bog standard CPN, despite NICE guidelines and that of the Marce society.

[Sandford]

Apologies, I took it the wrong way.

 

 

Both as it happens, perinatal psychiatrists tend to not take on women after 1 year, but the average diagnosis takes place around the 6-8 month mark, by the time it's realised a woman needs specific support that one year line has passed and the mother is brushed off to a bog standard CPN, despite NICE guidelines and that of the Marce society.

 

No worries - The joys of written word, Im fairly new so how would you know - how to take it i mean

 

 

oh and thanks for the info. I gotta be honest i thought you were joking!

Edited June 27, 2012 by Sandford
forgot half the sentence

[TheBitch]

Sandford ain't getting much is he?

[Liverpool lad]

 

That's what's happened Section, her mate put her onto the book, and her mate must have been having a little go with her fella. I've seen them on Facebook laughing about getting deliveries. I'll roll with it and have a laugh.

 

And LL, it doesn't need spicing up mate, we're long distance at the minute so at it like rabbits whenever we get the chance. It's just a bit of fun, lighten up and stop sounding like an old fart!

 

Well done for biting

[Acid]

I haven't seen Sandford post in any other thread, but loads in this one. I can only imagine he works for the publishers or something?

[Melchett]

Tom Ross found himself on the floor outside the Pub feeling very dizzy and sick but not knowing why. Tom decided to go back inside but was turned away by the horny bouncer at the door, Tom wanted to get to the bottom of what had happend and asked 'Are you gay?' to which the bouncer, Jacobs replied 'Bend over, bitch' with a look of stink finger loving in his eye.

 

By this point, Tom had given up trying to get back inside and decided to walk home but tripped on a retarded dildo which was just lying in the middle of the road. Tom, who wasn't feeling too smart decided to Shag the object which teleported him back to The Pub, which was filled with many people, all looking very Tiny.

 

Tom wanted to talk to them but soon passed out and found himself waking up in Bed, what had happend? Tom didn't want to think about it anymore and decided to forget by Masturbating fastly.

 

Fin.

[Champ]

Tentative forays from the FF....not been the smoothest of days maybe?

[Captain Turdseye]

Well done for biting

 

I'll be doing that as well, she's gonna get hurt.

[bigbak]

I think the lady sitting next to me on the train yesterday was reading this on her kindle. I took a glance saw Erect and Penis and though this must be 50 shades of grey.

 

Women are so silly imagine if men got psyched about a book about sex with no pics, they would be laughed out of town. Just watch porn women.

 

I used to email my "ex" to tell her what I was going to do to her next time. It gets them dripping and they're more open to new things if you put in a bit of effort.

[Elite]

Women have better sexual imaginations than men due to the male mind being significantly desensitised due to watching copious amounts of porn. Cant remember the last time I had a wank that relied on imagination.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I used to email my "ex" to tell her what I was going to do to her next time. It gets them dripping and they're more open to new things if you put in a bit of effort.

 

"I'm going to cut myself if you don't take me back. Please I'm begging...I'll cut you up too you heartless whore!"

 

As wet as an otter's ear I'd bet

[Liverpool lad]

I learnt everything I know about sex from the GF.

 

Me and Mrs LL will be wolfbagging later.

[VladimirIlyich]

The Author looks like a Doctor's waiting room receptionist.

 

Thats most likely where she? got all the anatomical references from.

[Sandford]

I haven't seen Sandford post in any other thread, but loads in this one. I can only imagine he works for the publishers or something?

 

You haven't been looking very hard then!!

[Whelan]

The Author looks like a Doctor's waiting room receptionist.

 

Thats most likely where she? got all the anatomical references from.

 

She also looks like a fat mess, thats most likely where she got all the desperate sluttishness from!

 

Bummed by many a drunken 18 year old at 1.50am, in the Montrose.

[Magic Sponge]

"flakes of dried discharge fell like November snow as his enormous pebbles smashed against her balloon knot.

The smell of rotting fish heads arose from her tatty hole and mingled with the aroma of meat pies and all the while she thought of battered sausage.

Finally his enormous bellend erupted like a giant cods head spewing man-mayo into her sloppy lady cave.

She could hold back no more, and as she came she dropped her chips onto the stained lino of Feta Bobs kebab and fish emporium....

 

I havn't stopped laughing at this since I seen it the other day.

 

Fucking brilliant mate.