The Impossibility Of A Simon

[silverlining]

OK. Enough's enough.

 

I've been on here long enough to have read plenty of si/ slfcgreen's posts and I'll admit to being....conflicted.

 

At first - to the surprise of nobody on the planet whatsoever - I defaulted to hurling abuse at him, interpersed with occasional cruel observations and mocking laughter.

 

Then I started to love him dearly and actually try and answer his occasionally deranged questions properly.

 

But now I've read a few posts and posters, who seem to think that si isn't "real" and now I'm getting suss.

 

Please tell me that I haven't been duped. I want him to be real.

 

Si - ARE YOU REAL?

[Nomad]

If he wasn't real then he has played the role fantasticly for far too long.

 

I think he is genuine and he makes me laugh, at least he doesnt follow suite like alot on here and has his on opinions and personality.

[silverlining]

If he wasn't real then he has played the role fantasticly for far too long.

 

I think he is genuine and he makes me laugh, at least he doesnt follow suite like alot on here and has his on opinions and personality.

 

Yeah, like it.

 

I used to say the same thing about the many, many insane trolls that seem to have been inexplicably attracted to me over the years:

 

if they manage to maintain that "pretend" level of borderline psychosis/ stupidity/ cluelessness for so long, they either are exactly the person they seem to be, or - if they are "doing a comedy internet character" - are fucking mental anyway, and in many ways, more deranged and pitiable.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I've met him and he seemed like a nice lad.

[silverlining]

I've met him and he seemed like a nice lad.

 

Right, that's good enough for me.

 

He's real.

 

And I love him.

[Kevin D]

Three years ago, after a second quarter of low double-digit growth, an emergency meeting between the chairman and the CEO took place at TLW HQ(colloquially known as "Usher hall"). After a brief money fight, the two supremos discussed ways to increase the traffic and major advertising revenue, which had already helped both amass an incredible personal fortune. They decided on two audacious moves: first, they would bribe the guards at the local institution, and every other psychiatric ward in Merseyside, allowing inmates unfettered access to this site. The second was much more elaborate: it was decided they would abduct, imprison and brainwash(implanting false memories and so on) one man, setting him on the forum once the process was completed.

 

Board members have told me - off the record, because officially none of this ever happened - they consider the project a spectacular success.

 

I hope this has cleared some things up.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Right, that's good enough for me.

 

He's real.

 

And I love him.

 

He is a forum legend and as stated above he has his own opinions which he sticks to. The forum (especially the GF) would be far duller

 

Viva, simonlfcgreen, Viva!

[Uncle_Meat]

Simon is ace. He is the hidden variable in the quantum mish-mash that is TLW and I, for one, salute him.

 

Shine on Si, you crazy diamond.

[silverlining]

Three years ago, after a second quarter of low double-digit growth, an emergency meeting between the chairman and the CEO took place at TLW HQ(colloquially known as "Usher hall"). After a brief money fight, the two supremos discussed ways to increase the traffic and major advertising revenue, which had already helped both amass an incredible personal fortune. They decided on two audacious moves: first, they would bribe the guards at the local institution, and every other psychiatric ward in Merseyside, allowing inmates unfettered access to this site. The second was much more elaborate: it was decided they would abduct, imprison and brainwash(implanting false memories and so on) one man, setting him on the forum once the process was completed.

 

Board members have told me - off the record, because officially none of this ever happened - they consider the project a spectacular success.

 

I hope this has cleared some things up.

 

Hahahahahaha!

 

Wait a minute1 Why am I laughing?

 

RUN AWAYYYYYYYY

[Guest simon]

I don't know what to say, I'm an unfortunate forumite. My luck is dire. I'm not made of brick but skin, bones, blood, organs. I bleed and I feel pain, I have emotions I'm very real hope this clears up things.

[silverlining]

I don't know what to say, I'm an unfortunate forumite. My luck is dire. I'm not made of brick but skin, bones, blood, organs. I bleed and I feel pain, I have emotions I'm very real hope this clears up things.

 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

Fuck it, I don't care if you are a comedy construct taking the piss out of me and everyone else.

 

I love you.

[Uncle_Meat]

I don't know what to say, I'm an unfortunate forumite. My luck is dire. I'm not made of brick but skin, bones, blood, organs. I bleed and I feel pain, I have emotions I'm very real hope this clears up things.

 

 

Someone rep Shylock.. erm, Si for me please...

 

 

If you prick us, do we not bleed?

If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

If you poison us, do we not die?

And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

 

 

Si, if you ever come to Wales I'm going to hug the fuck out of you.

[SammyAftershave]

 

Someone, somewhere is having fun. (At least, I really hope so. The alternative is unthinkable.)

[Pony Princess]

Do you have a girlfriend, Si? Whats she like. I want to know more about Simon's world. What is your favourite vegetable?

[Champ]

I don't know what to say, I'm an unfortunate forumite. My luck is dire. I'm not made of brick but skin, bones, blood, organs. I bleed and I feel pain, I have emotions I'm very real hope this clears up things.

I'll come back to this..............

[Guest simon]

Sadly not mate I have morals I won't till I'm sorted myself I want a stable job my own income. Enough to atleast buy a gift. I don't see women as a object. I won't put a girl in my way of life just yet. Accidents happen in terms of children I'm not ready for that yet. I certainly don't want to be a responsible father just yet. I'm not a responsible adult never mind father.

[Markmywords]

women are bad news Si, you are right to steer clear

 

although I certainly wouldn't suggest being a geyer either

 

internet pornography is surely the only way forward for humanity

[Kevin D]

Do you have a girlfriend, Si? Whats she like. I want to know more about Simon's world. What is your favourite vegetable?

 

Interesting you ask that.

 

There have been a series of high level discussions over the past few weeks over what to do about "The Dalglish problem"(people being happier and less inclined to argue, thus diminishing traffic). As of Sunday, I was reliably informed that three solutions are under serious consideration :

 

1) Abduct, imprison and brainwash a female and introduce her into Simon's life.

2) Manufacture a drinking problem for Simon.(The chairman's personal preference)

3) Encourage Simon to seek public office.

[JohnnyH]

Sadly not mate I have morals I won't till I'm sorted myself I want a stable job my own income. Enough to atleast buy a gift. I don't see women as a object. I won't put a girl in my way of life just yet. Accidents happen in terms of children I'm not ready for that yet. I certainly don't want to be a responsible father just yet. I'm not a responsible adult never mind father.

 

Just have sex standing up. A girl can’t get pregnant that way.

[stringvest]

Anyone who doesn't love Simon should frankly keep their opinions to themselves.

[William_Ulsterman]

I don't know what to say, I'm an unfortunate forumite. My luck is dire. I'm not made of brick but skin, bones, blood, organs. I bleed and I feel pain, I have emotions I'm very real hope this clears up things.

 

Simon i have to comment that you have the most remarkable bad luck, you always say too much. I find myself laughing with you because i know you understand your limitations, the absurdity of your situations and questions but you post them anyway. You have big balls and a bigger heart.

[Cliff T. Beast]

Also available on twitter @simonlfcgreen

[Edward.]

I'm allergic to horses but good luck anyway Simon.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Anyone who doesn't love Simon should frankly keep their opinions to themselves.

 

Sometimes the idiocy does test the tolerance levels.

[Captain Turdseye]

I had a good piss up with Si on the first day of the season. He's a sound lad and bit zany as you'd expect. He's coming to the boxing with me and my mates next month.

 

He's fucking shit at snooker though.