Things That Shit You Up As An Adult

[Boomshakalaka]

Deputy Head's do tend to be the jockey's of cocks. Had one once whom claimed to own a Maserati but in actual fact had your regular 80's piece of shit. What type of professional man would do that to a kid to gain respect or self worth? He did not bank on me demanding him to bring it in one day. From that day on he was asked every time i saw him if he would bring his Maserati in to show us. I even went to school one day and showed him my Maserati. Dinky of course and not my cock in case you were thinking that.

[Markmywords]

The fear you get after having a drunken one night stand..Even if you were careful there is still that little nagging thought in your mind telling you that she might be pregnant..

 

I'm going to extend this one to ex girlfriends who i've not seen since splitting up. There are 3 that I still worry about as they could quite plausibly turn up one day with a 5 year old child with a 'by the way this is yours'.

 

Women are frightening, scorned women are bowel failure inducingly terrifying.

[a stoner]

My kids coming in bleeding. Nothing too bad from that yet but it still puts the shits up me.

[Adebisi]

I'm not scared of anything, but I'm absolutely petrified of blokes in Tommy Hilfiger jumpers.

[Mel Wood]

I mostly had kept it in a bag with some camping gear in the car and since last september onwards, started having disturbed sleep and nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night by a building terror that someone was slowly walking up the side of the bed towards me; it cumulated in me being woken up by a hand lightly scratching my leg and the sense of a weak hand across my throat and jumped up, not a hand on me.

That actually happened to me too - It was just after the first time I ate a probiotic yoghurt.

 

Serves me right though, for dabbling in the Yakult.

[Pidge]

While at uni I took a video of some Cronenberg films out for research into a Body Horror essay and the video I got also had Society (1989) on it. Now, I guess the previous viewer stopped the video when they had had enough as it was right in the middle of the worst scenes... viewed out of context that is some fucked up shit. Having read into the film since I can see that it's pretty screwed up even in context, but I haven't been able to bring myself to view the film from the start, and I'm not keen on doing that now. Anyway, it messed with my head for a couple of days.

 

[Liam]

The thought that if you smack some cheeky chav twat round his chops you might end up in prison.

 

That's a good one. There are frequent times I wish I could assualt somebody for the benefit of the wider community. I'm not sure if the fear is getting locked up or stabbed though.

[Lucky Pierre]

That's deffo true from my experience at school.

 

Imagine having the wigged cunt as a headmaster for a year.

[dirty_sanchez]

Heights.

[Bourbon]

What a load of cock. Sorry but true. One bad dream does not make a demon. And cocks cocking about and things start to happen well that is explained by cock like things happen to cocks. The deputy head also a cock. Only a cock would get a room blessed.

 

Oh whoops I feel something behind me. Is a Genie trying to climb out my ass as there was a small ball of gas? Silly me just being a cock.

 

Fuck the spirit world the only spirits that exist are the ones that are served in measures down the pub and meths and not forgotting my personal favourite white.

 

That's certainly straightened me out, Boomie..!

 

Keep it coming, lad.

[Mel Wood]

Heights.

 

Heights for me if I'm not on something solid. Up a standard ladder's worse than 1000ft up on the roof of a building.

 

Getting electrocuted's pretty low on my 'want' list too so I bloody loved installing a security light 15ft up the side of the house.

[dirty_sanchez]

Heights for me if I'm not on something solid. Up a standard ladder's worse than 1000ft up on the roof of a building.

 

Getting electrocuted's pretty low on my 'want' list too so I bloody loved installing a security light 15ft up the side of the house.

 

The worst heights moment for me was on one of these rides:

 

c9fCC5o92m0

 

It embodies everything I hate about heights, specifically the possibility of not being able to stop myself falling down from them. I actually had a panic attack which was unpleasant.

 

Like you say though, I can start feeling queasy 10 feet up a ladder.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Imagine having the wigged cunt as a headmaster for a year.

A mirkin?

 

I've acquired a stupid fear of voicemail. Basically, a mate died unexpectedly two years ago and that's how I found out - I switched my phone on and there was another mate, distraught, telling me what had happened. Ever since then, whenever I get a voicemail message I get a few seconds of holding my breath and clenching my buttocks until I hear "Can you pick up some milk" or such other matter of import.

 

Oh yeah - the Weeping Angels off Doctor Who as well.

[Guest ian garro]

Drowning. I imagine this is quite a common one ? I have a reoccurring nightmare where I wake up taking a huge gasp of breath, having been held under water in said dream. I have no problem with being in water or anything, I'm just scared of drowning ?

 

Also, something happening to my Mum and Dad.

[Lurtz]

That tree bloke gave me the fear big time.

 

And spiders.

 

I used to work with someone who was scared of forks. Not much you can say about that really.

[Liverpool lad]

I had a fear of suffering an injury that leaves me walking with a limp

[Mel Wood]

I used to work with someone who was scared of forks. Not much you can say about that really.

 

According to the telly last night, Kylie Minogue has a phobia of coathangers, so has to have a room full of laid out clothes instead of a wardrobe.

 

It's the noise they make on the rack, apparently.

[Thants]

The worst heights moment for me was on one of these rides:

 

c9fCC5o92m0

 

It embodies everything I hate about heights, specifically the possibility of not being able to stop myself falling down from them. I actually had a panic attack which was unpleasant.

 

Like you say though, I can start feeling queasy 10 feet up a ladder.

 

Having found out this year I've a slight fear of heights after not having a good time on the London eye and also hating any fairground ride that ride would be my worst nightmare.

[TheResonator]

Last night I woke up at about four to feel something crawling across me. I sort of instinctively turned and hit at it at the same time and felt a sharp pain.

 

Turns out it was a spider (not a massive one but decent sized) and the fucker had bit me. I had no phobia of spiders but that put the shits up me for about twenty minutes.

[dudek#1]

Walking on wet tiles/marble or down slippy, uncarpeted stairs in flip flops.

 

Slipped up in the bathroom when I was about 12 due to wet tiles, smacked one of my front teeth right up into my jaw, it ended up inside my nostril. Had surgery on it for a year before it was put right,

 

If I now find myself in a slippy environment I instinctively cover my teeth with my tongue.

[Jennings]

What a load of cock. Sorry but true. One bad dream does not make a demon. And cocks cocking about and things start to happen well that is explained by cock like things happen to cocks. The deputy head also a cock. Only a cock would get a room blessed.

 

Oh whoops I feel something behind me. ...

 

Was it your boyfriend's cock?

[She Knows It]

A mirkin?

 

I've acquired a stupid fear of voicemail. Basically, a mate died unexpectedly two years ago and that's how I found out - I switched my phone on and there was another mate, distraught, telling me what had happened. Ever since then, whenever I get a voicemail message I get a few seconds of holding my breath and clenching my buttocks until I hear "Can you pick up some milk" or such other matter of import.

 

Oh yeah - the Weeping Angels off Doctor Who as well.

 

I have a similar thing with ambulance sirens. Years ago, I was giving my ex sister in law a lift home, and an ambulance went past with its siren going. I don't know how, but I just knew that it was going to her house for my nephew (her son). I didn't say anything to her, but followed it the whole way back to hers, all the time praying to myself that it would turn off in a different direction. When we got back to her house, we found my nephew had had a seizure and was being rushed to hospital.

 

That was 10 years ago, but even now when I hear an ambulance I seize up with panic, and if my kids aren't with me I have to ring round them all on some flimsy excuse to check they're alright.

[DEVIANTJ]

Defo the keys/over drains! I won't even park near a drain I'm that petrified of dropping the buggers when I'm locking/unlocking!

[Nantwich girl]

Being harassed or stalked :-(

 

Paintwork on my car damaged, Slashed tyres, nasty texts, cards hand delivered through my letter box. Phone calls left on my work answer phone:-(

 

This makes me feel quite scared!!

[RedKnight]

No. One. Cares.