What are your inadvertent superpowers?

[Simbo]

As title.

 

My superpower is being able to find massive fuck off potholes in the road despite them not being on my driving line.

 

They are like a magnet to my car and I veer off and find them every time without fail.

[manwiththestick]

Whenever I walk past my kitchen door I always get the front pocket of a hoodie of sude pocke of a jacket caught in the door handle.

 

On rare occasions the power surges and I get the belt loop of my kecks caught.

[No2]

I will join the queue that takes the longest, could be a McDonald's, a bar or a toilet, absolutely guaranteed the person in front of me has 16 kids upstairs waiting on a individual happy meals.

[Elite]

Catching my arm on something whilst carrying a hot drink.

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, No2 said:

I will join the queue that takes the longest, could be a McDonald's, a bar or a toilet, absolutely guaranteed the person in front of me has 16 kids upstairs waiting on a individual happy meals.

 

 

 

[Harry's Lad]

Catching my foot on a door frame or the newell post on the landing.

I thought I'd ripped my little toe off a few weeks back when I got up for a piss at half three in the morning.

[YorkshireRed]

When I’m in a rush, every traffic light is on red. If I set off to somewhere a bit early and I’m trying to slow the journey down, all lights will be green. 

[ZonkoVille77]

I hit my head constantly. At least 3 times per week. I've managed to hit every single blind spot my home throws at me.

 

My head is like Liz Truss' minge after a few months in Parliament - battered.

[Section_31]

Needing a shit at the most inopportune moments. If I'd worked at Chernobyl I'd have undoubtedly been on the bog when it all kicked off.

[Bruce Spanner]

Getting mates in trouble with significant others for being a terrible influence on nights out.

[Mook]

If anything is 50/50, like a door being push/pull or a paracetamol packet having the instructions at one end when you open it, I always pick the wrong fucking one. 

 

Also, repelling women. I'm a ninja at that shit.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

6 minutes ago, Mook said:

If anything is 50/50, like a door being push/pull or a paracetamol packet having the instructions at one end when you open it, I always pick the wrong fucking one. 

 

Also, repelling women. I'm a ninja at that shit.

That's definitely one for the small things that wreck your head thread. 

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

Mine is doing the sex. 

[Anubis]

The Stench of Eternal Death. If I’m coughing hard it just squeezes our with a pop, and it is really, really awful. Gas masks are required.

 

I have the lurgy at the moment so I was sat in court waiting to get on, and nearly dozing off. Suddenly my bladder goes rogue and I only just made it to the toilet to piss. I wasn’t that far away from supreme embarrassment, as it wasn’t taking no for an answer. So now I’m limiting fluids despite the advice being drink plenty of fluids.

[Anubis]

And that is not me claiming that pissing myself is a superpower.

[Elite]

36 minutes ago, Nelly-Szoboszlai said:

Mine is doing the sex. 

That's something a virgin would say.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

I somehow become an amazing actor, but only when receiving tat I don't want for birthdays / Christmas. 

[Bjornebye]

The ability to burst out laughing at the most inappropriate times. The second the thought comes into my head I've got zero control whatsoever. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

I get to places, such as cafes or bars, just before they get busy. 

[Fugitive]

Not me but a fella I work with. Everyone he seems to meet drops dead a few weeks later. 
 

He will say he’s having a drink with an old friend and then not long after, he will be after time off to go to the poor bastards funeral. This happened about 5 or 6 times over the past year. He is only 56 as well. He’s now known as Grim in work.

 

Thankfully, he didn’t go to the works night out.

[Kevin D]

Unless it has clear insignia on one side, I’ll always put t-shirts on the wrong way around. This is followed by me sighing and wondering how this keeps happening.

[Section_31]

Doing smelly shits. When I used to go out with a mate I'd stay at his house and cop a squat in the downstairs bog, but the smell could pass through the wall, we christened my shits "Patrick Swayzees", you could hear members of his family retching down the hall.

[littletedwest]

Always needing a piss. People have said you need get your prostate checked out but ive been like this all my life. Even as a kid I was up twice a night. 

Can't imagine a DC comic about it will sell

[Trumo]

21 hours ago, Simbo said:

As title.

 

My superpower is being able to find massive fuck off potholes in the road despite them not being on my driving line.

 

They are like a magnet to my car and I veer off and find them every time without fail.

 

Makes a change from finding Pat holes.

 

My superpower is catching the edge of a paving slab when walking, tripping up and pretending nobody saw it.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

51 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

Makes a change from finding Pat holes.

 

My superpower is catching the edge of a paving slab when walking, tripping up and pretending nobody saw it.

Are you also able to find the wonky paving slabs that have a cold puddle beneath them, just waiting for its chance to jump up your trouser leg?

 

Really brightens my fucking day when that happens.