Ashes Down Under 2013/14

[RobbieOR]

How did they avoid doing that when they beat us 5-0 last time? Did we have someone retire hurt or something?

 

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk

 

England declared in the first innings at Adelaide I think.

 

Edit: Yozzer beat beat me to

[A_S]

Fuck me, the number of records that could tumble by the end of this series is amazing. That split of runs scored for the first 5 and last 5 wickets is probably the most telling stat of them all

[Guest LFD]

[lifetime fan]

The cunts wearing a black T-shirt, the shithouse.

[Son of L8]

It's not the last 5 in the order, it's the last 5 wickets. The Aussies have usually managed to have a least one of the top order stick around long enough to fall near the end of their innings.

 

After shaking off the hangover, I looked back at those stats and, out of curiosity, totted up the scores for the Aussie tail proper.

 

This is the England top six from each test against Haddin, Johnson, Siddle, Harris and Lyon in the first innings:

 

First Test:

England 88

Australia 175

 

Second Test:

England 155

Australia 197

 

Third Test:

England 171

Australia 144

 

Fourth Test:

England 146

Australia 91

 

Fifth Test:

England 37

Australia 110

 

Total:

England 597

Australia 717

 

The Aussie wicket-keeper and bowlers have out-scored our top six batsmen by 120 first innings runs over five tests. Our specialist batsmen scored more runs than the Aussie tail in two out of the five tests..

[Jairzinho]

Looks fucking ace there, to be fair to the Aussie cunts.

[A_S]

There are a handful of guys from my cricket club up there for the Test who bought old whites and threw a bit of red dye in to get the pink. It's a bit of fun for a great cause and does come up well on TV. Really good to see opposition teams get behind it to, so well in to England for that. I still think the Richies were the best spectacle do far, ace! Apparently he has struggled since his accident, hope he gets through ok.

[Son of L8]

I suppose the question at this point is: will England survive to day 4?

[Yozzer]

I'm not normally one for making snap judgements on players, but Rankin is nowhere near a Test level bowler.

[Son of L8]

Well, he did get his first test wicket... In possibly the least satisfying conditions for a debutant ever. 448 to win, two and a half days left.

[Son of L8]

If you were going to try to salvage your reputation after captaining the most savage beating your country has ever taken....

 

That's not the way to do it.

[Son of L8]

Hm. Maybe "Bell should bat at 3" wasn't quite the inspiration we all thought it was.

 

37-2. In comes KP.

[Son of L8]

Ahahaha... His fucking bat's gone and snapped clean in half. If you want a visual metaphor for this tour, that's it right there.

[Son of L8]

The humiliation is nearly complete. 91-6, Stokes and Borthwick in.

[Yozzer]

So, looking to the future I'm thinking:

 

1.  
2.  
3.  
4.  
5.  
6. Stokes
7.  
8.  
9.  
10.  
11.  

[Son of L8]

Broad gone. 42 off 35.... He is now the third Englishman to make 200 Test wickets and 2,000 Test runs.

[ticklemeclemo]

Get the fuck in!!!!

 

 

Sorry lads, have been waiting awhile to say that.

[Sydney Redman]

Game, set and match.

5-0

[lifetime fan]

Congratulations to the Aussies you thoroughly deserved it and bummed us badly.

[lifetime fan]

Geoffrey Boycott - Ex-England batsman on BBC Test Match Special

 

"It's pathetic - there is no other word. It's humiliation. It's bad enough to lose all five, but it's how you lose. This is a worse loss than when we lost before 5-0 because they had great players like McGrath, Warne and Gilchrist last time. This current Australia side has had good plans and executed them with conviction. England have just disintegrated. How do you get bowled out in 32 overs? I would have just been getting my eye in."

[lifetime fan]

So we won the toss, put the Aussies in and lost inside 3 days.

[lifetime fan]

Michael Vaughan - Ex-England captain on BBC Test Match Special

 

"I have never seen an England team throw in the towel, but they did this afternoon. Our senior core of players have not been able to get into any sort of form. The Australian wagon got into motion at Brisbane and England have not been able to cope since. When they come up against hostility and pace, this England side has not been able to cope with it. That last innings there showed how frazzled the team is."

[A_S]

Have to say, I enjoyed the uncensored singing of the team song in the middle of the pitch a lot. Better than pissing on it too! And nice to see Johnson as deserved man of the series.

 

AUSTRALIA, YOU FUCKING BEAUTY!!!!!

[Son of L8]

Yeah, nothing but the firmest congratulations to the Aussies. I don't think I've ever seen such a one-sided contest at supposedly the top level of any competition in my life. Never mind men against boys, it was practically men against mannequins. We couldn't compete in any area: bowling, batting, fielding, captaincy, technique, temperament, planning, execution. Schooled. Completely and utterly schooled.

 

Enjoy it. You bastards.

[ticklemeclemo]

Geoffrey Boycott - Ex-England batsman on BBC Test Match Special

 

"It's pathetic - there is no other word. It's humiliation. It's bad enough to lose all five, but it's how you lose. This is a worse loss than when we lost before 5-0 because they had great players like McGrath, Warne and Gilchrist last time. This current Australia side has had good plans and executed them with conviction. England have just disintegrated. How do you get bowled out in 32 overs? I would have just been getting my eye in."

 

As much as I dislike Boycott, he's not wrong here..

To get bowled out in 32 overs with 2 days to play is pretty much cowardice of the highest order.

Why Stokes decided to throw his wicket away by charging Harris I'll never know

Even if you knew you were getting a flogging, surely you would want to hang around as long as possible