Instant cunt identifiers

[AngryOfTuebrook]

5 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

Cunts just sit there on their phones with the hazard lights on whike whoever they are with goes into the chippy. Cunts think sitting on a double yellow is the equivalent to breaking down.

Oh, if they've got their hazard lights on that makes it OK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cunts.

[Mudface]

15 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

Oh, if they've got their hazard lights on that makes it OK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cunts.

No need for that. Hazard lights are a universal constant- I'm gonna be a cunt, but pressing this button exonerates me. It's the no backsies of the Highway Code. 

[Bjornebye]

41 minutes ago, Mudface said:

No need for that. Hazard lights are a universal constant- I'm gonna be a cunt, but pressing this button exonerates me. It's the no backsies of the Highway Code. 

Alright Richard Marx 

[Elite]

Nipped the toilet in Burger King and both taps were running, so it's obviously been done on purpose.

 

Now I'm not arsed about Burger Kings water bill but there's people dying of dehydration and some cunt thinks it's funny to waste loads like that.

 

[Section_31]

Wearing those extra long down jackets Klopp gets forced to wear.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

On 29/10/2022 at 15:58, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m still desperately clinging onto being able to use the parent & child spaces. She’s nine. 

Don’t think she should be driving mate.

[Captain Turdseye]

31 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Don’t think she should be driving mate.

Start them early! We went through a little phase of her putting the car in reverse and then pulling the handbrake up when we got home from the school run. I thought it was great. She got bored pretty quickly. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

11 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Start them early! We went through a little phase of her putting the car in reverse and then pulling the handbrake up when we got home from the school run. I thought it was great. She got bored pretty quickly. 

My daughter is 24 and has no interest in driving, comes from being ferried around by me her mum and her brother.

[janmolby]

I retract my previous comment about petrol lawnmowers

[Captain Turdseye]

2 hours ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

My daughter is 24 and has no interest in driving, comes from being ferried around by me her mum and her brother.

There’s no need for it up there. I was living and working in Speke before I moved down here and a driving license didn’t cross my mind. Buses were every five minutes and a taxi seemed to cost no more than £3 anywhere. Maybe a fiver if we were feeling adventurous and went down to Woolton Village. I didn’t have or need anyone to ferry me around. 
 

Say we’d be in the pub, three or four of us, instead of walking the three minutes to another pub round the corner we’d get a cab that cost us a quid each. 
 

It’s only when I moved down here and realised most of the work available was way out of town and the public transport was proper shit that I decided it was about time I learned. 
 

I say I decided, what happened was my bird got me a job lot of 10 lessons as a birthday present. I can take a hint. 

[littletedwest]

5 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

There’s no need for it up there. I was living and working in Speke before I moved down here and a driving license didn’t cross my mind. Buses were every five minutes and a taxi seemed to cost no more than £3 anywhere. Maybe a fiver if we were feeling adventurous and went down to Woolton Village. I didn’t have or need anyone to ferry me around. 
 

Say we’d be in the pub, three or four of us, instead of walking the three minutes to another pub round the corner we’d get a cab that cost us a quid each. 
 

It’s only when I moved down here and realised most of the work available was way out of town and the public transport was proper shit that I decided it was about time I learned. 
 

I say I decided, what happened was my bird got me a job lot of 10 lessons as a birthday present. I can take a hint. 

Could be worse, lad I know his mrs bought him 10 sessions with a personal trainer other Christmas. He's still fat now.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

8 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

There’s no need for it up there. I was living and working in Speke before I moved down here and a driving license didn’t cross my mind. Buses were every five minutes and a taxi seemed to cost no more than £3 anywhere. Maybe a fiver if we were feeling adventurous and went down to Woolton Village. I didn’t have or need anyone to ferry me around. 
 

Say we’d be in the pub, three or four of us, instead of walking the three minutes to another pub round the corner we’d get a cab that cost us a quid each. 
 

It’s only when I moved down here and realised most of the work available was way out of town and the public transport was proper shit that I decided it was about time I learned. 
 

I say I decided, what happened was my bird got me a job lot of 10 lessons as a birthday present. I can take a hint. 

My mrs and son both need cars, I have a van and we live near the top of West Derby Rd. I usually walk to town for a bevy, few quid in a cab back.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, littletedwest said:

Could be worse, lad I know his mrs bought him 10 sessions with a personal trainer other Christmas. He's still fat now.

 

A lad who used to drink in my local bought his missus a load of lessons with a PT. She ended up binning him for the trainer who then jibbed her after he'd spent a few months banging her. She then had the cheek to try and get back with him and guess what the soft cunt did? Got back with her. I remember walking in and seeing thm sat down together drining and just thinking "Every single fella in here knows your missus got rattled by her PT because you wouldn't shut up about it and you have the fucking guts to bring her back in?" 

[YorkshireRed]

10 hours ago, littletedwest said:

Could be worse, lad I know his mrs bought him 10 sessions with a personal trainer other Christmas. He's still fat now.

I bought the wife a gym membership after she gave birth to our first child. 
 

A little bit of free advice from me at this point…

 

Don’t buy wives/girlfriends gym membership after they give birth to your children.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

2 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

I bought the wife a gym membership after she gave birth to our first child. 
 

A little bit of free advice from me at this point…

 

Don’t buy wives/girlfriends gym membership after they give birth to your children.

 

That's good advice.

 

So, you do it beforehand, right? While they're still pregnant?

[sir roger]

9 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

I bought the wife a gym membership after she gave birth to our first child. 
 

A little bit of free advice from me at this point…

 

Don’t buy wives/girlfriends gym membership after they give birth to your children.

 

But the Personal Trainer vouchers were before she got pregnant though ?

[YorkshireRed]

6 minutes ago, sir roger said:

 

But the Personal Trainer vouchers were before she got pregnant though ?

No. It honestly was bought with the best intentions. She’s never been fat, and hardly had any baby weight to lose. I just thought she’d like it as she’d been going to a gym before she got pregnant. 
 

She didn’t see it that way. Never went once. Still beats me over the head with it eighteen years later. 

[sir roger]

I was being facetious regarding the provenance of the young'un.

[Captain Willard]

On 13/11/2022 at 18:15, Captain Turdseye said:

Start them early! We went through a little phase of her putting the car in reverse and then pulling the handbrake up when we got home from the school run. I thought it was great. She got bored pretty quickly. 

I used to let my kids change gear when I had a manual car. Then it progressed to letting them drive down the drive and back. Now they’re older they can’t be bothered. 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Mentioning Die hard after the 1st of November.

[Section_31]

Telling bar staff to smile. 

[Megadrive Man]

On 29/10/2022 at 15:58, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m still desperately clinging onto being able to use the parent & child spaces. She’s nine. 

 

I remember convincing my mum to park in one of those spaces once when I was about 25 and really hungover.

 

Nowhere does it specify the age limit of the parent/child combination!

[Mook]

48 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Telling bar staff to smile. 

 

That's a great one.

 

Telling anyone to smile really, mind your own fucking business.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

Telling bar staff to smile. 

Is that you saying you’re in the Wetherspoons on the ale already this morning? Good lad. 

[Section_31]

13 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Is that you saying you’re in the Wetherspoons on the ale already this morning? Good lad. 

 

When I worked in pubs it was always horrible old seedy cunts saying it to the barmaids. 

 

"Smile, go on smile - for God's sake smile!

"Miserable this one isn't she? Never smiles." 

 

Cunts all.