The world of a woman.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

You needed to finish that post with 'That's all folks.' 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Someone got me ma in law a soda stream, as she buys loads of fizzy water, and is concerned about her plastic usage. Today she's come back from the shop with loads of plastic bottles of still water for her soda stream.

[Dr Nowt]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

“We must put the bunny at the centre of everything”

Especially pastry.

[General Dryness]

1 hour ago, Pistonbroke said:

You needed to finish that post with 'That's all folks.' 

He'll get that cwazy wabbit. 

[VladimirIlyich]

On 06/12/2019 at 17:45, Mook said:

Bird who sits next to me at work (26) was on about France today...

 

Her 'You'd have to fly though.'

Me 'You could get the train.'

Her 'No you couldn't because of the sea.'

Me 'There's a tunnel.'

 

She would not fucking believe me so I went & got the French lad to come over & have a word...

 

Him 'Don't listen to Mook, he's full of shit.'

 

We eventually had her Google the Channel Tunnel & she goes 'Can you see the fishes when you're in the train?'.

'Yes you can. Its ace when the Great White Shark tries to ram your carriage.' (Beware of euphemisms.)

[Rico1304]

20 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

'Yes you can. Its ace when the Great White Shark tries to ram your carriage.' (Beware of euphemisms.)

Can’t remember if I’ve mentioned before but my brothers ex thought that the Jaws music was the noise made by sharks when they were hunting.   

[Trumo]

That rabbit woman either hasn't got kids, or if she has, they've grown up to be needy attention-seeking fuckwits.

[Mudface]

Just now, Trumo said:

That rabbit woman either hasn't got kids, or if she has, they've grown up to be needy attention-seeking fuckwits.

She does sound over the top, but to be fair to her a lot of pets are kept in completely inadequate conditions. Rabbits aren't a great pet at the best of times anyway- https://www.theguardian.com/world/shortcuts/2019/oct/14/not-cross-bunnies-can-pet-rabbit-be-happy

 

[Elite]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I’m not sure if this is ‘world of a woman’ or ‘world of an animal lover’ material, but she was a woman and the other thread doesn’t exist so I’ll go with it here.

 

santa brought my little girl a rabbit hutch this year, along with a note from Santa saying he thinks she should go and choose her own rabbit from an adoption centre.

 

that was 3 days ago, and quite honestly I think Santa underestimated how much effort this process would take.

 

we visited the local rspca place on the 27th and got sent on our way without even being shown and rabbit, so yesterday drove an hour to near hull to a different adoption place.

 

fast forward to 8pm last night where me and my missus are on the phone to the “bunny woman” from that place doing an interview to make sure we’re serious about this whole affair.

 

We’ve had to go from the hutch Santa brought, and a run i was going to knock together myself, to the hutch, inside the shed (which they’ll have all to themselves) plus a run twice as big and twice as tall which I’m gonna have to buy and possibly then amend.

 

memorable quotes from the nutter on the phone were...

 

“We must put the bunny at the centre of everything” and my favourite “the needs of the modern bunny”.

 

she didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure she was angling for us to offer to move into the shed and give the house over to the fucking rabbits.

 

we’re still a home visit away from being approved for adoption yet.

 

she also said she’d like to keep in touch after adoption, so I’ll now have to go through the ball ache of changing my phone number when this is all done.

 

the needs of the modern bunny.

You do realise that when you pick it up, it will be wearing a waistcoat and pocket watch.

[General Dryness]

14 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

Can’t remember if I’ve mentioned before but my brothers ex thought that the Jaws music was the noise made by sharks when they were hunting.   

Hunting for what, the rest of the string section?

[lifetime fan]

The birds mate is pregnant with twins, she found out the sex just before Christmas and told their group of friends when we went out for a drink on the weekend. 
 

Birds mate #1 “We’re having a boy and a girl”.

Birds mate #2 “Do you know if they’ll be identical twins”? 

Apparently I’m a cunt for laughing and mate #2 doesn’t like me. 

[Strontium]

On ‎29‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 08:29, Bob Spunkmouse said:

she didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure she was angling for us to offer to move into the shed and give the house over to the fucking rabbits.

 

My sister has two rabbits. The rabbits don't get on with each other (despite being sisters) so they each have their own room in the house.

[sir roger]

I don’t think I will ever understand women. Gave her the sausage roll on the right  as a treat and ended up in the spare room last night.

[Barrington Womble]

[Dr Nowt]

Superb.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Santa should have put Watership Down under the tree.

 

Would have saved you dealing with the bunny wench. 

[Jennings]

Not sure if this goes in here or the getting older thread but this happened over Christmas. I put it on Twitter but will go here too...

 

"You can't play that Nana. 'diap' is not a word." 
"It's not 'diap', it's 'paid'."
"You can't play words upwards in Scrabble, Nana". 
"Why not?!! You let your dad have 'laid'." 
"He played 'dial', Nana." 
"It's One rule for one...with you youngsters"

[Harry Squatter]

My Mrs mate is the biggest drama merchant and can over complicate the most simple thing ever. 

 

Before Christmas 4 of them went out and stayed in a hotel. They all agreed to throw in 40 quid each for food and drink. This woman says she will just pay everything on her card and then kept the cash for it. The others then tell her that if it comes to anything more she should let them know so they can give her any extra. They ask her twice during the night whether they owe anything and she says "oh dont worry, no probs".

 

Next day she kicks off on them because she put in an extra 15 quid during the night and accuses the others of taking the piss. She then stormed off home making out she's been had off by them despite over complicating the whole concept of a kitty and being asked whether they had put enough money in.

 

Every time they go out she does this. Had the unfortunate task of meeting her in town last week to get the kids presents off her. Even though we work about 5 minutes apart she managed to turn giving me a bag of presents into something more complicated than capturing Osama Bin Laden. Changed her mind about 5 times during the course of the day and where to meet. Then said she would drive down to ours on Christmas eve because it was easier even though she lives miles away. 

[Harry Squatter]

A woman in work was telling us about where she is going for her summer holiday. Shes going to Crete and her daughter likes Greek mythology. She said that there are some ruins near Heraklion where the Minotaur story was supposed to be set and that they would visit them on a day trip.

 

Some dopey girl then turns round and says "oh I didnt realise that was a true story". 

[Harry Squatter]

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

The second bird sounds like Tony's ma.

[Dr Nowt]

“Where is that, Norway?”

 

[TheBitch]

*watching frozen planet*

 

Woman: Would you like to walk across the Atlantic?

 

Me: *confused face*

 

Woman: *huffs* Would you like to walk across the Atlantic (said slightly louder than previously)

 

Me: That great expanse of water between here and North America? No I wouldn’t. 

 

And I wouldn’t want to walk across Antarctica either if that was what you meant. 

[Bjornebye]

9 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

*watching frozen planet*

 

Woman: Would you like to walk across the Atlantic?

 

Me: *confused face*

 

Woman: *huffs* Would you like to walk across the Atlantic (said slightly louder than previously)

 

Me: That great expanse of water between here and North America? No I wouldn’t. 

 

And I wouldn’t want to walk across Antarctica either if that was what you meant. 

Hahaha brilliant. Ive just read that out to my bird and she replied "Is that on the wives are dickheads thread?" 

[Special K]

I've practically just been threatened with divorce because I dared to criticize her eldest son. I've practically been his father for 10 years and I'm officially his step-dad but apparently this doesn't mean I get a say if he acts a bit cuntish.

 

Today his mum went for breast cancer check (her mum died of it in 08). She'd felt something irregular so we decided to pai pay privately and get ebb l all three results in one day.

 

She's been sweating over this for 6 months. Thankfully the results came back negative although there's a benign swelling.

 

I've been killing myself all day over it in work while she went alone.  She tells her son all this and his reply? "That's good, can you drive me to a party tonight?"

 

I didn't kick off at him, didn't say a word. Just mentioned to my wife I wasn't happy with his reaction and note she's pissed off at me!!

 

Mentalist