The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[VladimirIlyich]

The real Linnetts died when they bulldozed Canal Street. I used to go most weeks as a ball boy. You’d get paid a cup of tea and half a sausage roll at HT.

Is that what the manager called his cock?

[Captain Turdseye]

Is that what the manager called his cock?

I never knew you worked down there as well.

[VladimirIlyich]

I never knew you worked down there as well.

I was the manager.

[Ginny]

Suffered with them for a few years, stopped eating meat and hay presto. Another is to wash your arse instead of wiping it it. I just shower me arse now and I'm double pile free. Wet wipes will do the same job. Dry wiping creates friction and aggravates the situation.

I have a shit every morning before I leave for work. I am regular as clockwork these days and have it just before I have my shower. Have a little wipe then wash the rest in the shower. I’ve found this is better than dry wiping to avoid piles and an itchy ass which I was getting regularly.

[tokyojoe]

This is becoming a thread about piles.

[chris71]

My hangovers have turned into monstrous 2 day beasts with their own evil soul.

[Champ]

Wipes are boss. I run them under the cold tap, too.

Nasty nondegradable invention

[Chip Butty]

Nasty nondegradable invention

 

I shower then have my own poo towel(the green option) to dry me arse. It's so clean you could eat your dinner off my anus.

[Remmie]

If we're ever low on toilet paper, after a shit I turn my shower onto powerjet setting, aim it at my Japanese flag and BANG the skids are gone!

 

I need to buy one of those South East Asian bum guns, they're almost as good as the 3 shells in demolition man.

[Paulie Dangerously]

24 hours cleaning my ring with my shower head I'm looking into getting a shattaff converter for my toilet.  It's a game changer 

[VladimirIlyich]

I shower then have my own poo towel(the green option) to dry me arse. It's so clean you could eat your dinner off my anus.

I'm glad I will never have to visit your bathroom and look for a towel to wash my hands with,or even worse is that morning face wash with cold water and then searching for a towel to dry it.

'Eh love,why does everything smell like shit today?'

[Paulie Dangerously]

I'm glad I will never have to visit your bathroom and look for a towel to wash my hands with,or even worse is that morning face wash with cold water and then searching for a towel to dry it.

'Eh love,why does everything smell like shit today?'

 

I would imagine experienced Arse Washers like Chip Buttie would have a dedicated arse-towel clearly labelled 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I get a shower twice daily a bath probably once a week. I tend to wipe my bottom properly so no irritating streaks for me. Fucking amateurs.

[Ginny]

I shower then have my own poo towel(the green option) to dry me arse. It's so clean you could eat your dinner off my anus.

Meant to rep you Soz mate. Will even it out.

[Ginny]

One of those ass showers is defo the way to go. Dead powerful one. Blast your crack with soothing cool water instead of wiping it with dry paper.

[Section_31]

Fucking animals the lot of you

[stringvest]

Get the Karcher on it

[Dr Nowt]

Get the Karcher on it

You’ve built up too much of a tolerance mate.

[General Dryness]

I would imagine experienced Arse Washers like Chip Buttie would have a dedicated arse-towel clearly labelled

It's the one with a picture of Piers Morgan on it.

[Ginny]

Wish I was a cat or a dog so I could clean my own ass and lick my own nutsack

[Elite]

That it takes significantly less damage to cause all sorts of muscular pain.

[stringvest]

Wish I was a cat or a dog so I could clean my own ass and lick my own nutsack

 

 

we'd miss your posts on here

[Captain Turdseye]

Wish I was a cat or a dog so I could clean my own ass and lick my own nutsack

Ginny wants GINNY inside him.

[Section_31]

A much lower tolerance for noise.

 

Woman in work has brought her kid in for half term and she's playing music on her ipad, it's not even that loud but I feel like I'm being waterboarded.

[Ginny]

A much lower tolerance for noise.

 

Woman in work has brought her kid in for half term and she's playing music on her ipad, it's not even that loud but I feel like I'm being waterboarded.

I’m the same. My bird has an iPad. She watches it around the house, like in the kitchen and back room etc... fuck knows how they’ve made it so loud.