Things that really fucking hurt.

[Section_31]

Camera down the cock. 

[Mike D]

23 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Camera down the cock. 

Had that. Then they fill the bladder up with water through it. Hurt for days afterwards.

[TheHowieLama]

The truth.

 

The truth hurts.

[Harry's Lad]

Woke up for a piss one night a couple of weeks ago and managed, not for the first time, to kick the leg on the chest of drawers on the way back to bed catching my little toe.

Hurt like hell. I caught it that hard it split the skin between toes and was bruised black when I got up.

 

Then over the weekend I kicked one of the castors on the bed leaving me with a large blood blister on the tip of my big toe in the same foot.

 

They reckon things come in three's. I can't wait.

 

 

[Section_31]

22 minutes ago, Mike D said:

Had that. Then they fill the bladder up with water through it. Hurt for days afterwards.

Me too, plus the 'i need a piss, no I don't, I need a piss' jig while you're trying to get to the car afterwards.

[Stouffer]

[chrisbonnie]

1 hour ago, Scott_M said:

When I was still playing junior Sunday league, I went into a tackle (which I won, obvs), the other lad was a bit late and caught be between me boot and shin pad.

 

Bit of magic water on it and decide I'm Ok to carry on.

 

A couple of minutes later and I decide it's not Ok. Go off, take my boot off and there is a hole in my sock and blood everywhere.

 

Somebody who lived near the pitch saw and took me into his house and put my foot into some warm salty water. Bit of a clean and there is a 20p hole in my foot. I start wiggling my toes a bit and this random white thing pops out the wound. 

 

Go to the local A&E, they think I've severed a tendon. They can't treat it, got to go to Leeds.

 

Although all the above was sore, it wasn't unbearable. I then saw the specialist in Leeds who didn't agree with the local A&E but wanted to double check, so he had to put his finger in the wound and fish about a bit. He tried for about 2 seconds and I hit the roof. He then goes "Ok, we get some pain medicine" and proceeds to put injections into the middle of the open wound to numb it all so he can fish about a bit.

 

Fuck me, I have cold sweat on now writing this. I've broken my arm, wrist, ankle, chipped a bone in my thigh (that was a close 2nd to this), cracked a toe, been circumcised, my parents getting divorced, been dumped, Gerrard's slip, losing European Cup Finals.... nothing was as bad as as that Specialist putting those needles into that wound in my foot to numb it. Nothing. 

 

Turned out the Specialist didn't need to do it. The original local A&E doctor was right all along. A scar down my foot where you strike the ball with your laces, I've never been able to kick a ball properly since and the end of my blossoming career. 

 

Still, those needles going into an open wound, it's bringing a tear to my eye now and it was like 25 years ago.

 

coming to think of it, thats the worst parts of getting stitched, not the initial wound maker, but the numbing injections. they go straight into the wound dont they.

 

the foot one sounds really nasty, ive been stitched 4 times with work, im a flooring contractor, so work with stanley knives all day, only my finger tip was a real bad one, even the numbing injection was shite with that.

 

but your man sticking his finger into your foot for a wriggle, no, ill let you have that one. 

 

I did see my missus give birth to a child with merely 2 paracetemol for pain killing, ill be honest, ill take a cut with a stanley knife over pushing a child out your snatch, any day of the week. 

[johnsusername]

I still have nightmares about the time I hurt my back, didn't get it sorted and after a few weeks of pain ended up in A and E with excruciating back spasms. That's the only time I've cried in pain. Was put on a heady mix of Diazepam, Ibuprofen, Cocodamol and Naproxen - had to write out an hourly schedule so I didn't overdose. 

 

Toothache is completely miserable, especially as it seems to hit when you can't immediately get to a dentist. Plus now you've got the extra dread of it potentially costing hundreds of pounds to fix.

 

Had an ingrown toenail years ago and that was misery - even getting the toe nail removed meant weeks of cleaning and bandaging, for a fucking toe nail!

 

Had a brief phase of bowel spasms - it's really weird as it slowly but steadily creeps up on you and if you've had it once you know you're in for a solid half hour of pain. 

[Clem H Fandango]

Broken ribs. Weeks of trying not to cough/sneeze or yawn.

[A Red]

When you've got a new t-shirt and no-one says anything

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, A Red said:

When you've got a new t-shirt and no-one says anything

 

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Camera down the cock. 

I've had the rigid camera a few times and it's not that bad as they put you to sleep. But when you wake up and start pissing again it's like pissing shards of glass for about half a day. 

[Section_31]

1 hour ago, Clem H Fandango said:

Broken ribs. Weeks of trying not to cough/sneeze or yawn.

Trying to make someone laugh who's got cracked/broken ribs is about as much fun as it's possible to have. 

[Creator Supreme]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

 

 

 

Funny character Spike, I love his reaction when they tell him Hugh Grant has turned down Julia Roberts

 

"You daft prick!"

[lifetime fan]

Gout. 

[YorkshireRed]

10 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Gout. 

Definitely. Arthritis in general can be fucking agony. In the last few weeks it’s attacked my feet, ankles, knees, back, and elbow. I go to bed at night not 100% certain I’ll be able to get out of it without help in the morning. 
 

Then, just like that, it’s gone and I’m back tripping the light fantastic. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

13 hours ago, Creator Supreme said:

Funny character Spike, I love his reaction when they tell him Hugh Grant has turned down Julia Roberts

 

"You daft prick!"

There's something wrong with this yoghurt! 

[Creator Supreme]

5 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

There's something wrong with this yoghurt! 

Great the way he just keeps eating when he's told it's mayo (I think it's mayo).

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

16 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Camera down the cock. 

That the follow up to Whistle Down the Wind?

[Captain Willard]

8 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

That the follow up to Whistle Down the Wind?

Or Bedknobs and broomsticks 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

10 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Or Bedknobs and broomsticks 

Love that film, genius.

[VladimirIlyich]

3 hours ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Love that film, genius.

So life like.

[Red_or_Dead]

5 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Definitely. Arthritis in general can be fucking agony. In the last few weeks it’s attacked my feet, ankles, knees, back, and elbow. I go to bed at night not 100% certain I’ll be able to get out of it without help in the morning. 
 

Then, just like that, it’s gone and I’m back tripping the light fantastic. 

You haven't got Ankylosing spondylitis have you?

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Red_or_Dead said:

You haven't got Ankylosing spondylitis have you?

 

 

Hope not. It’s been a while since I’ve been properly checked out though. My Dad was a doctor so, before he died, I just used to see him.

 

These days so just steal painkillers from my mum who has Parkinson’s.

 

Arthritis runs in the family, so it’s almost certainly that.

 

This latest attack to my back has made me think though.  

[Fugitive]

Peritonitis that turned to Sepsis because the hospital fucked up a procedure and then misdiagnosed me and it nearly killed me.The worst pain known to man and not even IV Morphine made a dent in the agony. Ended up having emergency surgery and spending 5 days in intensive care. 
 

The initial 24 hours of utter torture still haunt me.