Strategic wanks in dirty public toilets

[llego]

A title like that deserves a little explanation so hear me out.

 

Since I started seriously dating a wonderful

girl for the first time in several years, Ive felt unusually wholesome and healthy where sexual matters are concerned. I stopped watching porn and I dont miss it. Ive stopped wanking every day or more out of boredom. My performances in the sack have been fairly steadily improving.

 

But theres a big logistical issue- I live two hours away from her and we usually only see each other on weekends. We do loads of active stuff together all day and when night comes, given that theres also a full work week behind us, we are both pretty tired. So the window of opportunity is pretty small, and the sexy times are limited to once or twice a week. That means theyve gotta count!

 

Now true love and rapturous physical symbiosis notwithstanding, if I havent splooged all week the lovemaking will be short and not so sweet. Thats a fact of life as far as Im concerned.

 

This has lead to an ever more frequent situation where I find myself at work, in some building in NY (I work on film shoots so its usually a different one every day), and Im going to be seeing the lady later that night. And I need to clear out my

balls or sexy time will be ruined.

 

Hence hunkering down in some shit covered toilet stall at 2 in the afternoon, with grunting shitting farting men 3 feet away from me behind a thin wall, their fecal smells wafting over me as I clench my eyes shut, think of titties and furiously try to rub one out into the toilet bowl, feeling an awful lot like a 15 year old.

 

Anyone know where Im coming from? No pun intended.

[Kevin D]

The idea that a man would willingly, not even at the repeated explicit threats from his wife but willingly, give up porn is utterly outlandish. The subsequent idea that you don't miss it is simply too much for my fragile constitution to handle.

[Jairzinho]

Really struggling here.

[Cardie]

I think we can safely make the assumption that your relationship with this girl is a front and doomed to failure because secretly you crave dirty bum sex with men in public toilets.

 

You've basically got a bad case of the george michaels, or to give it it's latin name the tory mp's.

[llego]

I think we can safely make the assumption that your relationship with this girl is a front and doomed to failure because secretly you crave dirty bum sex with men in public toilets.

 

You've basically got a bad case of the george michaels' date=' or to give it it's latin name the tory mp's.[/quote']

 

Freud would agree, but he doesnt know shit.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

Why waste baby batter on the day you are seeing her? by all means have a tug the day before...no wonder you are too tired to do it twice in one night, spanking one off in the day to yourself. She will know you have been wanking furiously all week by the thickness of your jizz! she will know this and probably resents you slightly for not saving it for her.

 

You need to find a girl closer to home by the sounds of it.

[llego]

Why waste baby batter on the day you are seeing her? by all means have a tug the day before...no wonder you are too tired to do it twice in one night' date=' spanking one off in the day to yourself.

 

You need to find a girl closer to home by the sounds of it.[/quote']

 

Thats the thing, I dont really feel the need to wank much anymore, so the main reason to do it is logistical. And I usually forget until the day of.

 

Maybe I should start putting it in my calender.

[Sugar Ape]

You've got this all back to front. You want to be wanking on the days you are not seeing her and not wanking on the days you are banging her.

 

Even Simon wouldn't make a mistake such as this.

 

Edit: What kind of man doesn't feel the need to wank much?

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

This has lead to an ever more frequent situation where I find myself at work, in some building in NY (I work on film shoots so its usually a different one every day)

 

If you work in the adult industry i could understand the need to knock one out daily.

[Bjornebye]

wank away. and stop lying.

[llego]

Edit: What kind of man doesn't feel the need to wank much?

 

Usually when Im in a relationship having regular sex I almost completely lose the urge to masturbate. The less sex, the more I jerk it.

 

Is there something seriously wrong with me!?

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

Usually when Im in a relationship having regular sex I almost completely lose the urge to masturbate. The less sex, the more I jerk it.

 

Is there something seriously wrong with me!?

 

There's nothing wrong with you, just the fact you wish to share your masturbation stories with us all is a bit wrong...but funny.

[llego]

I thought this was a safe space.

 

I also thought nearly everybody has shameful jerks in public toilets from time to time.

 

Wrong on both counts!

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

I thought this was a safe space.

 

I also thought nearly everybody has shameful jerks in public toilets from time to time.

 

Wrong on both counts!

 

No need to be so HARD on yourself.

[Captain Turdseye]

What kind of man doesn't feel the need to wank much?

 

A strange one.

 

I'm in the longest relationship I've ever been in and getting regular sex but still if I know I've got the house to myself for a bit...

 

Can't remember who said it on here but I laughed a lot when one poster said something like "What she doesn't know is, when she leaves for work in the morning, I've got my pants around my ankles before she's even started the car."

[Guest ShoePiss]

Wanking next to a man having a shit? There's probably a name for this.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

My missus is out and my trousers are down to my knees in preparation for an almighty wank.

I get nervous every time i hear a car pull-up and have to twitch the curtain to see if its her. Got it perfected, every wednesay is BGB wankfest till 8pm roughly.

 

I have the time and perfected skill of closing porn windows just before she enters the house if she's early. Yet strangely, she loves watching porn and is a nympho. Dont know why i feel so ashamed and have to hide my erection between crossed legs.

 

Hope this helps.

[Bjornebye]

i got caught out by my arl fella when i was younger having a wank as soon as the doors closed.

 

he used to have a stash of mags in the airing cupboard in his bedroom after him and me maa broke up and i found them one day when i was about 13, anyway id been bashing over these like a fucking trooper for months then one day i never even went in his room again.... he had just got changed one saturday afternoon after i'd got in from playing footy.... i was still sat in the front room in my footy gear and he walks in the front room, throws a fiver down and says see you later. anyway, back door shuts, i give it 30 seconds and im up and in his room right away. now the airing cupboard is next to his front window but we had nets and you could see the window the other side of his bedroom.... if that makes sense. so anyway im in his room and look out the window and he looks up from across the road, blatantly see's me coz it was sunny and my silhouette was visible.... so what do i do? duck. Now if i was sharp enough i'd have opened his bedroom window and shouted to him 'can i borrow some socks where are they?'.... but nah, i fucking ducked. anyway, 3 days later he pulls me up on it.

'why were you snooping round my room?'

we both knew why... but again, being young and thick...i denied it was me.... he didn't say much but for the next 3 weeks if even shut the fridge door too quick i would get a belt.

 

dads and sons, pervert forever.

[ZonkoVille77]

This is fucked up.

You should be saving it for hitting the back of her throat.

 

In public mens toilets? Nope. Fuckin odd shit.

I'm a bit upset by all this.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

we both knew why... but again, being young and thick...i denied it was me.... he didn't say much but for the next 3 weeks if even shut the fridge door too quick i would get a belt.

 

dads and sons, pervert forever.

 

Sounds like he had a dom fetish and also voyeur tendencies on 13 year old boys wanking.

[llego]

This is fucked up.

You should be saving it for hitting the back of her throat.

 

In public mens toilets? Nope. Fuckin odd shit.

I'm a bit upset by all this.

 

Lets hope my freshly changed perceptions of normalcy will inadvertantly modify my behavior

[ZonkoVille77]

Hope so!

Understand the whole performance thing but you gotta get used to that at some stage mate!

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

throws a fiver down and says see you later. anyway, back door shuts, i give it 30 seconds and im up and in his room right away. now the airing cupboard is next to his front window but we had nets and you could see the window the other side of his bedroom....

 

He even paid you to watch you wank. Thats bad daddy aids.

[kingkenny78]

Wanking next to a man having a shit? There's probably a name for this.

Pan-handling?

[jonnybastard]

I used to work with a fella who would often slope off for a 'shit' at brew time. It was a running joke, "Charlies off for a wank" sort of thing, though in truth most of us just thought he was having a shit. One of the lads, probably the same one who started the wanker rumour, decided to catch him in the act, and followed him into the toilet and held his camera phone over the cubicle door. He came back into the brew hut, phone in hand, saying "I've got him". We gathered round the tiny screen and sure enough there was Charlie, pants down, banging one off. About ten seconds into the footage Charlie spots the phone, gives a thumbs up and a wink, and carries on regardless.