The world of a woman.

[Mook]

My brother in law has bought a puppy & they were going to bring it round on Saturday for the kids to see & stuff until I pointed out that we have a cat (my wife's idea btw). Apparently our cat will be absolutely fine with a dog turning up at the house despite the fact that he bolts under the bed every time the neighbours dog barks.

 

I put my foot down & said that it's our cat's house too & how would she like it if I brought some big monster into the house which shouts at women. Unfortunately for Art (our cat) they're coming on Saturday afternoon, when I'll be at the boozer & won't be able to do anything about it, I'm thinking about taking the poor bastard to the pub with me.

[Tony Moanero]

My brother in law has bought a puppy & they were going to bring it round on Saturday for the kids to see & stuff until I pointed out that we have a cat (my wife's idea btw). Apparently our cat will be absolutely fine with a dog turning up at the house despite the fact that he bolts under the bed every time the neighbours dog barks.

 

I put my foot down & said that it's our cat's house too & how would she like it if I brought some big monster into the house which shouts at women. Unfortunately for Art (our cat) they're coming on Saturday afternoon, when I'll be at the boozer & won't be able to do anything about it, I'm thinking about taking the poor bastard to the pub with me.

What is Art’s tipple, Mook?

[Mook]

What is Art’s tipple, Mook?

 

He's a glass of cherry type of guy.

[Dr Nowt]

If it’s any consolation, Art will kick his fucking face off.

[Captain Turdseye]

If it’s any consolation, Art will kick his fucking face off.

This is an Art Attack.

[Dr Nowt]

This is an Art Attack.

If Mook gets some pictures of it happening we can have an Art gallery.

[tokyojoe]

My brother in law has bought a puppy & they were going to bring it round on Saturday for the kids to see & stuff until I pointed out that we have a cat (my wife's idea btw). Apparently our cat will be absolutely fine with a dog turning up at the house despite the fact that he bolts under the bed every time the neighbours dog barks.

 

I put my foot down & said that it's our cat's house too & how would she like it if I brought some big monster into the house which shouts at women. Unfortunately for Art (our cat) they're coming on Saturday afternoon, when I'll be at the boozer & won't be able to do anything about it, I'm thinking about taking the poor bastard to the pub with me.

Do it, just do it. He'll love it.

[Moo]

Yesterday, my wife bought Lincoln biscuits, sodding Lincoln biscuits. Disgraceful.

Where the fuck from? Been after these for years, can't get them any more.

[Anny Road]

Have you tried Bath Oliver biscuits. Handy if you have a builder in doing some work and needs to knock down a wall but forgot his hammer.

[tokyojoe]

Her Indoors has had her clan around for lunch today. Her ladyship wacked up a lovely roast which was enjoyed by all.

 

Now they are watching a film recorded on our TV. And now another one.

 

I've escaped to upstairs and sitting upstairs in Galactic HQ doing some work and seeing what you lot are moaning about.

 

I've just gone downstairs to empty the dishwasher and I'm confronted by the 'posh' cutlery that always emerges when anyone outside of TJ HQ visits. I've no idea where to put it so I'll get bollocked for that.

 

They simply over complicate everything.

[Tony Moanero]

Where the fuck from? Been after these for years, can't get them any more.

Sorry, it turned out that they weren’t Lincoln biscuits, they were shortcake biscuits.

[Remmie]

Moanero in Biscuit mistake shocker

[Elite]

Had a mare there Tony.

[Remmie]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

[Curly]

Never heard of the cunts

[Lee909]

[VladimirIlyich]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

They are the modern equivalent of ship's biscuits given to sailors in days of yore which are supposed to last for weeks and taste like you are eating the soles of your own shoes.

With Custard Creams and these things Tony might as well phone Operation Yew Tree and give himself up.

[Trumo]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

 

A manhole cover.

[VladimirIlyich]

A manhole cover.

Much more unbreakable than that.

[Mook]

My boss has just received an e-mail from someone she's not keen on...

 

"WHAT A WONKER."

 

I'm trying quite hard not to giggle here.

[Trumo]

I'm passing myself here.

[General Dryness]

Is she the policeman out of Allo Allo?

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

In a taxi with a female friend the other day.

 

Going to a little house party. Meant to be there for half 5. I notice the clock on the dashboard says 17:40 and say that we'll be a bit late.

 

She replies "we've got plenty of time. It's only 20 past and we're almost there."

 

She was looking at the meter app on the driver's phone. And it said £8.20 anyway, so how you get 20 past 5 from that is still beyond me???

[Curly]

In a taxi with a female friend the other day.

Going to a little house party. Meant to be there for half 5. I notice the clock on the dashboard says 17:40 and say that we'll be a bit late.

She replies "we've got plenty of time. It's only 20 past and we're almost there."

She was looking at the meter app on the driver's phone. And it said £8.20 anyway, so how you get 20 past 5 from that is still beyond me???

Yeah, but how was she?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I'm off this week and the Mrs is too. She decides to catch up with a bit of work today and puts on her work laptop, low charge, can't find the charger.

We have the house up and she's not happy, has to phone her secretary, going to have to go into town, bloody car park, bloody this bloody that!

She is pulling out of the drive when I decide to look in the zip compartment of her laptop bag, bingo! Laptop charger, just caught her before she pulled off. She of course had checked the bag.