Improve a Shit TV Show

[Ted]

Eastenders - Cancellation.

[Thants]

Top Gear

 

Remove the brakes.

 

Please.

[Stouffer]

Through the piss hole.

 

A panel show where minor celebrities and Sandy Toksvig are shown video footage of other minor celebrities' japs eye or urethra and they'd have to guess who it is.

[Scott_M]

Big Brother.

 

Let all the housemates in the house and then gas them.

 

Last one to die wins.

[Kevin D]

Prime Ministers questions. I'd ban MPs bringing up a complaint from some whiny constituent. While it may be pertinent to them, I don't give a fuck. I'd have all three party leaders families inside seperate rooms, whenever that leader lied in either a question or an answer; a man resembling Ivan Drago would administer a sizeable electrical current through the youngests body until death, then move onto the next family member.

 

It would make for much more interesting debate knowing that any slip-up could kill a loved one. Imagine the terror and desperation - it would be ace.

[Lurtz]

Holy shit.

 

The Love Machine - TV Dating Show Presented By Chris Moyles & Stacey Solomon - Sky Living HD

 

I'd improve this by having Moyles hung drawn & quartered, including the burning of his own entrails in front of him just before he dies. I'd then have that fucking imbecile Soloman beaten to death with Moyles' dead, still warm skull.

[Uncle_Meat]

Veal or No Veal.

 

Various "celebs" are invited to take part in Noels "Late Late Breakfast Show" famously murderous 120ft bungee jump, and the resultant splattered carcass is butchered into various cuts, mixed with baby cow, and taken into the studio for contestants to guess whether the meat is veal or not.

 

Bonus points are awarded if the contestants can guess the "celeb" by taste or texture alone. "Goodness, this is a fatty piece.. Vanessa Feltz?" and so on.

[Hooch]

Take me out

 

Same concept except when the bloke comes down that elevator he has an ak47 and gets to take all the fake bints out; last girl standing gets the date at Fernandos.

Accidently taking out Mcguiness would be a real ratings booster.

[VladimirIlyich]

Every reality show would involve the contestant having to swim through a crocodile infested waters to even take part in the contest.

 

Hopefully this would put enough of them off that the shows would all be cancelled.

If not we'd have a shitload of gold medallists at every Olympics.

[Section_31]

Take me out

 

Same concept except when the bloke comes down that elevator he has an ak47 and gets to take all the fake bints out; last girl standing gets the date at Fernandos.

Accidently taking out Mcguiness would be a real ratings booster.

 

Top class.

[Spy Bee]

Can I just point out that I had the Big Brother idea ages and I have posted it on here. In my concept they are all people who have a life sentence and the winner gets a pardon. Y'know, carrot and stick.

 

I'd like to see Come Dine With Me where they all have to drop a trip before each meal.

[lifetime fan]

Take me out

 

Same concept except when the bloke comes down that elevator he has an ak47 and gets to take all the fake bints out; last girl standing gets the date at Fernandos.

Accidently taking out Mcguiness would be a real ratings booster.

 

 

Fucking hell...what a cunt of a programme.

[VladimirIlyich]

Can I just point out that I had the Big Brother idea ages and I have posted it on here. In my concept they are all people who have a life sentence and the winner gets a pardon. Y'know, carrot and stick.

 

I'd like to see Come Dine With Me where they all have to drop a trip before each meal.

 

I'd go a slightly different route and each week somebody would be given a meal laced with Arsenic or Thallium and the last one standing is the winner.

 

Double or quits is the last one standing has a choice of two meals,one is poisoned and one is not.

[The Flâneur]

Strictly Come Dancing.

 

Forsyth gets raped, repeatedly.

[RedBrian84]

Celebrity Juice. Keith Lemon is murdered on the set but before he expires the panel contestants take turns to piss on his soon to be corpse.

[Lurtz]

Celebrity Juice. Keith Lemon is murdered on the set but before he expires the panel contestants take turns to piss on his soon to be corpse.

 

Murdered how Brian? Call that a concept? Come on, fill in the gaps here. You're not going to secure funding for a televisual feast with a half arsed pitch like that.

[RedBrian84]

Murdered how Brian? Call that a concept? Come on, fill in the gaps here. You're not going to secure funding for a televisual feast with a half arsed pitch like that.

 

You're right dammit, I must be more specific.

 

Holly Willoughby uses Phil Schofield's severed head (a spin off, "This Morning: A Deathmatch" - more on that later) to bludgeon Lemon into a near coma.

[Spy Bee]

They could have a section where people just defecate on Keith Lemon. The Lemon Turds Section.

[Guest TK-421]

Antiques Roadshow with Scalextric. The presenters have a random game of Scalextric every now and then to break things up and keep it interesting. This could be applied to any show, really. Lots of TV is dull and Scalextric always livens things up. Random, lol.

 

Neighbours - Madge's Vag. Improve old editions of Neighbours with a sudden close-up of Madge's vag with no warning. Not pleasant, perhaps, but it would keep the viewer on their toes.

[JagSquared]

Made in chelsea - the cast of the pointless structured reality show are forced to work in an underground sweatshop for 18hrs a day for peanuts making goods to be sold in china.

 

How to look good clothed - newly converted muslim, gok wan, now hetrosexual tells women to cover up.

 

Dont tell the bride - soon to be grooms face a race against time to cover up their extra marital affairs and dark secrets from their past. This week Andy, a former truck driver from crewe, tries to bury evidence of his gambling debts.

[RedBrian84]

This Morning: A Deathmatch

 

Daytime television should be enough to wake everybody up with a jolt. It shouldn't be easy going and light because that just leaves you half awake for the trials and tribulations of the day ahead. With that in mind, I give you This Morning: A Deathmatch.

 

Hosts Willoughby and Schofield present a morning dust-up to the death between "celebrities" that are, over the course of the week previously, voted by the public. The prize? You get the chance to live. The penalty? Death, obviously.

 

The two contestants with the most votes that week are introduced via Holly and Phil delvivering a moving eulogy to the "careers" of the likes of Dappy and any of the cast of The Only Way Is Essex. With the likes of Alex Reid, the eulogy won't last long.

 

After the introductions, the first round starts - ten minutes, fists only. At the end of round one (reffed each week by the Scottish feller off Gladiators), there is an ad break, followed by a segment where Schofield reads out his drunken tweets from the weekend before and apolgises to anybody he offended, and then Willoughby gives her verdict on the weeks television.

 

Round Two: a small hand-held weapon of the contestant's choosing.

Round Three: Blades and Bows

Round Four: Piano Wire - the 'up close and personal round'

Round Five: each contestant chooses one of the hosts as their tag team partner for the duration of the round.

 

If there is no fatality by the end of round five, then both celebrities must end their lives with honour, samurai style, with Schofield delivering the coup de grace decapitation.

 

Grisly? Yes. Macabre? Yes. Certain to wake you up for the rest of the day? Like a bowl of Reddy Brek with chocolate drops.

[Liverpool lad]

Coach Trip - stick Lucky Pierre on it, let him turn up late (Most Aways), turn up early (Sunderland Away), block toilets (Stoke Away), book too many people on (Multiple Aways), miss the coach (Wigan Away), fuck up tickets (City Away) and fall asleep leaning on complete strangers (Multiple Aways).

 

He can also have people waiting for him to get on, including the local constabulary and their police escort, whilst he nips the off licence for tins of Red Stripe (Arsenal Away), or gets a burger making the coach wait 25 minutes (Bolton Away).

[JagSquared]

Songs of gays.

 

Hit after hit, kyle songs performed by some of the nations most flamboyant homosexuals.

[JagSquared]

Songs of gays.

 

Hit after hit, kyle songs performed by some of the nations most flamboyant homosexuals.

[Dr.Filth]

Desperate Scousewives

 

Amanda Harrington et al get there minges sewn shut before being plied with bottle after bottle of expensive champagne until their kidneys explode.

 

The last one to die is the winner.