Rate the last film you watched...

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Role Models **********

 

Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott. Not a great way to start the review of a film that you actually like. Paul Rudd is even worse than the cock to end all cocks that is Seann William Scott because, despite being a very passable actor with a good sense of timing, he has obviously found his comfort zone and is sticking well, well within it. It annoys me that he could be so much better. Did I mention Seann William Scott is a cock? I hope I did. If not, I just want to remind you that I think he is a cock. We're a paragraph into this review and I don't think I've emphasised how much of a cock he is, although I think that should just about do it.

 

Fortunately for the film watching public, none of that really matters as, for the most part, they are just filler for the two real stars of the film, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Bobb'e J. Thompson. The latter is a tiny little black kid that swears a lot and 'likes boobies' and is nails every single line that he attempts ('if you white, you Ben Affleck') with the timing of someone 50 years his senior. The latter, whom I found to be the best thing about the film, adds all of the quirk that turns this film from a funny, yet run of the mill, popcorn-cruncher into something that you'll watch more than once, and not just out of drunken desperation.

 

What this movie achieves is the state of being cool by being uncool; not an easy trick to pull off in the new world of 'do as I do because I'm cool, not as I say because I'm verbally retarded and virtually unintelligible'. It revolves around Rudd and Seann William Cock being forced to participate in a scheme reminiscent of the typical American 'Big Brother', where adults spend time with kids in order to mentor them into being better people but, somewhat obviously, the opposite happens. The relationship between the angry little black kid and the quirky white nerdy kid and their 'bigs' provides much of the entertainment and ends up with one of the best endings that I've seen from one of these sorts of comedies.

 

Finally, I don't feel I'd be doing my civic duty if I didn't mention the thundercock that is Seann William Scott. Cock. Very good, witty, quirky movie. Check it out.

 

Inglorious Basterds **********

 

Inevitably, as with every film since, this is going to be held to the Pulp-Fiction gold standard and judged by those asking the 'yeah, but is it as good as Pulp Fiction?' question. Well, as with every movie he has made since and will ever make, the answer is no. Pulp Fiction is a global treasure that is owned by each and every one of its fans. He will never top Pulp Fiction by trying to out-gun, out-smart or out-cool that movie.

 

What Tarantino needed to do to avoid this is stop trying to outdo Pulp Fiction and make a different movie that can stand up on its own merit, as its own piece of work. This is what he does, with some degree of success, with inglorious bastards. He didn't feel the need to out gun Pulp-Fiction with gratuitous violence, as with other films since then, he didn't feel the need to out-smart it with sentences that can be regurgitated at McDonalds when the situation arises (Mmmm, this is a tasty burger) and he didn't feel the need to out-cool it with drugs, music, weapons or Bad Muther Fucker wallets, Z Keyrings or Pussy Wagons. He did what some of us thought he'd forgotten how to do; to offer something different. As somebody that gets dreadfully board by films that are easy to read, I was glad that each scene kept you guessing as to how it was going to play out. Each chapter was like a game and kept you guessing who knew what, which covered up exactly what was going to happen in the scene.

 

There is good use of music, there are good lines, there is violence, but it isn't solely about those things, which I feel is where he recent films fall down. The acting was great, the lack of English was more than justified and the performance of 'The Jew Hunter' will win an Academy Award. It had problems, of course it did, like the 'Austin Powers' scene that seemed so out of place with Mike Myers talking in a British accent, for example, but there are too few of these moments to ruin what is essentially a very entertaining piece of writing and film making.

 

I've only watched it once and I need at least a couple of watches to be sure, but it was very good. It isn't Pulp Fiction and we can all be glad that, for once, it wasn't intended to be. Go watch it, if only for 'The Jew Hunter'.

 

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past **********

 

Yes, we'd all bone him, even us straight guys, because he's so fuckin' sexy. We get it, Hollywood. No discernible acting talent, but he is easy on the eye, so make him a movie star.

 

Shallow sexy person discovers his soul after his mortality is revealed to him. If you've got a shit load of pop corn and an arse that needs scratching, this might pass the time. If not, skip it. Then again, he is secksy.

 

Remember when Nueve used to do these reviews with his gold star ratings Loooooool, if you don't, have a look up there *points up*, good times.

[RedinSweden]

Source Code: Very enjoyable story and nice effects etc. A solid 7.3/10

 

The Expendables: Like getting cancer of the cancer. 0/10

[G Richards]

Argo - 7/10.

Based on a true story where American embassy workers got out of Iran in 1979 under the guise of being film makers. It was OK.

 

Django Unchained - 7.5/10

It was a good film but then it sort of dragged on a bit and lost its way.

 

Les Miserables - 9/10

I thought this was excellent (the new-ish version with Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway). Very moving. Most (?) people know the story, but this was very well done.

[James Dean]

The Place Beyond the Pines - 7/10 - It's very well made and the acting is top notch, but it felt even longer than the 2 hours and 15 minutes running time. Worth watching though.

[Mendoza]

Blood- comes across more like a t.v drama than a feature film. A pretty good t.v drama mind- 7/10.

 

No one Lives- preposterous, sporadically enjoyable slasher fare- 6/10

 

Dead Man Down- predictable New York set crime thriller- 5.5/10.

[Ted]

The Place Beyond the Pines - 7/10 - It's very well made and the acting is top notch, but it felt even longer than the 2 hours and 15 minutes running time. Worth watching though.

 

Agree with that. I meant to say when I scored it that the soundtrack is brilliant.

[Redder Lurtz]

Premium Rush.

 

Utter fucking shite.

 

The first shit Joseph Gordon-Levitt film I've seen.

 

It's BMX Bandits with swearing. Avoid.

[Sangria]

Argo - 7/10.

Based on a true story where American embassy workers got out of Iran in 1979 under the guise of being film makers. It was OK.

 

Django Unchained - 7.5/10

It was a good film but then it sort of dragged on a bit and lost its way.

 

Les Miserables - 9/10

I thought this was excellent (the new-ish version with Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway). Very moving. Most (?) people know the story, but this was very well done.

 

Just watched two of those this week.

 

Agree with you on Argo but loved Django Unchained I would give that an 8.5, it made me laugh a lot and any film that does that is above an eight for me.

 

I would recommend both as they are both good films.

[Vincent Vega]

Man Of Steel - 7.5 out if 10

I enjoyed the story, Goyer and Nolan are excellent with their screenplays, been a fan of Goyer since The Crow and Blade, his love of the comic book heroes really comes through and he is brilliant at adapting the characters for an adult audience. I thought the way they delivered Superman's story from his old world and new was very well done. I also thought the score from Hans Zimmer worked brilliantly with the action.

 

It lost marks due to the end fight being overly long, totally over the top and too reliant on CGI. Great performances from Crowe and Costner and Amy Adams was decent as Lois Lane, but Cavill and Shannon failed to live up to the performances of Reeve and Stamp as Superman and General Zod in my eyes, but then those first two Superman films were special and are part of my growing up having watched them in the cinema with my mum and dad.

 

Django Unchained - 9 out of 10

I enjoyed it even more second time around, brilliance from Waltz, Foxx, DiCaprio and Jackson with a superb script.

 

The Bourne Legacy - 7 out of 10

I enjoyed it far more than I was expecting to, due to the fact most opinions I'd heard were that it was crap and completely failed to live up to the original trio. Well, I was pleasantly surprised and thought it was thoroughly watchable. I like Renner, he was brilliant in The Hurt Locker and The Town and was believable as one of these special agent types, and I've always liked Rachel Weisz (Daniel Craig is avery lucky man). I like this kind of Hollywood conspiracy type thing and thought it was a decent enough way to pass a couple of hours.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Premium Rush.

 

Sounds like something you get from Quiggans.

[Mendoza]

The Call- decent first hour or so ruined by an utterly risible third act- 4/10.

[RedinSweden]

 

The Bourne Legacy - 7 out of 10

I enjoyed it far more than I was expecting to, due to the fact most opinions I'd heard were that it was crap and completely failed to live up to the original trio. Well, I was pleasantly surprised and thought it was thoroughly watchable. I like Renner, he was brilliant in The Hurt Locker and The Town and was believable as one of these special agent types, and I've always liked Rachel Weisz (Daniel Craig is avery lucky man). I like this kind of Hollywood conspiracy type thing and thought it was a decent enough way to pass a couple of hours.

 

I was the same. I saw this a few weeks ago. I was worried as I bloody loved the trilogy. I thought this was a good solid action film though. Not up there with the brilliance of the first three, but way better than I expected.

[Hooch]

Any thoughts on Zero Dark Thirty folks?

 

Seen it's on Box Office, might get it if someone can convince me it's worth the £4.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Any thoughts on Zero Dark Thirty folks?

 

Seen it's on Box Office, might get it if someone can convince me it's worth the £4.

 

It's really good, but not great imo mate.

 

Defo worth £4...if you can't download a clean version.

[Hooch]

Cheers mate, will give it a whirl.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Cheers mate, will give it a whirl.

 

Make sure to put your review up mate.

[Sandford]

Valhalla Rising. Bizarre. 5/10

[chrisbonnie]

Valhalla Rising. Bizarre. 5/10

 

0/10. It was utter rubbish

[manwiththestick]

Warm bodies. 7.5/10. Zombie meets girl, kills and eats her boyfriend, falls in love with her. Light hearted and fun to watch.

[James Dean]

No Country For Old Men - 10/10 - Perfection.

[The Golden Eel]

Changeling - 8/10 - thought it was a good story, solid in all aspects

[Sandford]

Sightseers. Quality. 8/10

[Ted]

Man Of Steel - 8/10

[Markmywords]

Westworld

 

1970's futuristic tale of an expensive fun park full of humanoid androids who guests can kill / fuck / get drunk with at ones leisure. Starring Yul Brenner

 

Dated as fuck but pretty amusing. Watching old futuristic films getting the futuristic bit so badly wrong is always worth a giggle.

 

Would have probably been a 9/10 at the time but i'll give it 6 for aging badly.

[Elite]

Side Effects - 7.68 anti-depressants out of 10.

 

Very enjoyable movie this one, lots of twists and turns with some excellent performances especially Jude Law who I think is ace and underrated.