What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Mudface]

Absolute cunt of a plate, amazingly made worse by the shite dumped on it.

[Bob]

1 hour ago, Dr Nowt said:

Breakfast included with the room rate at a place near Longleat:

 

 

Aftermath:

 

That looks as sad as my Christmas. Fuck you.

[Curly]

1 hour ago, Dr Nowt said:

Breakfast included with the room rate at a place near Longleat:

 

 

Aftermath:

 

There’s a lot going on here with not very much going on in terms of amount of food.

 

First, let’s get the positives out the way - the eggs, bacon, tomato and mushroom are cooked really well. The eggs look perfect - can you confirm please?

 

The sausage looks like it was left over from yesterday’s breakfast having spent 3 hours under the heat lamp like the unwanted state that it is. I’m trying to avoid eye contact with it as it will be begging me to take it home. 
 

The fried bread looks like the underside of a prawn toast that I’ve had in the fridge for a week leftover from a Chinese.

 

Why is there so little? Am I to lay judgement upon you as a man for this - did you actively only take such a measly portion from the buffet? Shame on you if so. If it’s the establishment to blame, then they will be getting the same drive by treatment that place in Crosby is due if I ever go to Longleat.

 

And to not only avoid beans provided, but to then mock them in such a disrespectful way is beyond the pale. You’re a callous, shallow creating of a man and I hope those words keep you awake at night as you wallow in your pit of shame.

 

All in all, a decent effort. 6 out of 10

[an tha]

This was not bad - better than it looks which I appreciate is not hard....but honestly was not bad.

 

[YorkshireRed]

2 minutes ago, an tha said:

This was not bad - better than it looks which I appreciate is not hard....but honestly was not bad.

 

Most people puke after a dodgy breakfast, not on the plate before they eat it. 

[Mudface]

This last page has fucking ruined 2022 for me, and put a huge dent in 2023 already. Absolutely disgraceful. 

[Moo]

I've had breakfast at the Titanic, it's nothing special.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Moo said:

I've had breakfast at the Titanic, it's nothing special.

Good for you. Although I suspect you rammed a croissant up your arse then complained to reception 

[Captain Willard]

7 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Christmas present for us off her maa was a night in the Titanic. Meal, brekkie, spa. Liverpool side had stayed here the night before and were still here when we got here. 
 

Anyway lovely meal last night, back to the room for some wine and the match. I was wide awake at seven so we have just come down for brekkie. Absolutely unreal. Self service hence the two types of egg. Would have got more but I’m gonna get some fruit and bits after this. 
 

 

I’ve stayed there a few times. Great hotel. Good looking breakfast as well. 

[Moo]

50 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Good for you. Although I suspect you rammed a croissant up your arse then complained to reception 

 

Pain au chocolate actually.

[Fugitive]

4 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

Breakfast included with the room rate at a place near Longleat:

 

 

Aftermath:

 

 

2 hours ago, an tha said:

This was not bad - better than it looks which I appreciate is not hard....but honestly was not bad.

 

 

 

[KMD7]

1 minute ago, Fugitive said:

 

 

 

Hahahaha 

[TheHowieLama]

6 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

Breakfast included with the room rate at a place near Longleat:

 

 

 

 

Well they couldn't really have charged you for it could they?

[lifetime fan]

4 hours ago, an tha said:

This was not bad - better than it looks which I appreciate is not hard....but honestly was not bad.

 

Not bad? Correct.
 

Any breakfast with only one sausage and one bacon couldn’t even reach the ‘not bad’ standard. 
 

It’s a fucking disgrace and you should hang your head in shame for trying to defend that sort of noncery. 

[easytoslip]

6 hours ago, Fugitive said:

 

 

 

Haha.Great track anyhow. 

[Karl_b]

Some horrific examples of late. Once I have a mostly functioning bowel again I intend to ruin it with a mass of fried pork products and lovely beans. Can't wait.

[Bernard Diomede]

Woke up on my mates couch, rang me dad to wish him happy new year, he said your mam has just made a brekkie, me mam went mad because she said I haven’t got enough stuff. Turned up anyway and had to make do with 1 sausage and and no black pudding. In the immortal words of Didier Drogba, it’s a fucking disgwace. 
 

 

[Fugitive]

48 minutes ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Woke up on my mates couch, rang me dad to wish him happy new year, he said your mam has just made a brekkie, me mam went mad because she said I haven’t got enough stuff. Turned up anyway and had to make do with 1 sausage and and no black pudding. In the immortal words of Didier Drogba, it’s a fucking disgwace. 
 

 

Mushrooms burnt to ashes

Dehydrated Bacon

Overcooked frozen Hash browns

A sausage cooked so unevenly it appears to have cut itself out of shame

Cunt tomatoes from a cunt tin

 

2023 is not looking too good for you.

[Guest]

52 minutes ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Woke up on my mates couch, rang me dad to wish him happy new year, he said your mam has just made a brekkie, me mam went mad because she said I haven’t got enough stuff. Turned up anyway and had to make do with 1 sausage and and no black pudding. In the immortal words of Didier Drogba, it’s a fucking disgwace. 
 

 

One of life’s great mysteries is how a round, firm tomato that goes into a ton comes out looking like a used maxi pad.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Woke up on my mates couch, rang me dad to wish him happy new year, he said your mam has just made a brekkie, me mam went mad because she said I haven’t got enough stuff. Turned up anyway and had to make do with 1 sausage and and no black pudding. In the immortal words of Didier Drogba, it’s a fucking disgwace. 
 

 

 

Looks nice that to be fair mate. Is your mum on facey? 

[Mudface]

11 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Looks nice that to be fair mate. Is your mum on facey? 

 

I'd be careful, she's obviously exceptionally cruel and possibly a serial killer.

[YorkshireRed]

18 hours ago, Bernard Diomede said:

Woke up on my mates couch, rang me dad to wish him happy new year, he said your mam has just made a brekkie, me mam went mad because she said I haven’t got enough stuff. Turned up anyway and had to make do with 1 sausage and and no black pudding. In the immortal words of Didier Drogba, it’s a fucking disgwace. 
 

 

Tinned tomatoes don’t belong anywhere near a breakfast, or polite society in general. 
 

On the upside, I own a very similar plate to that so kudos to your mother for her crockery choices. 

[Bjornebye]

6 hours ago, Mudface said:

 

I'd be careful, she's obviously exceptionally cruel and possibly a serial killer.

She gets better by the second. This is pure lust 

[Lurtz]

I think I'm going off sausages. Am I becoming homosexual?