Valentines Day

[manwiththestick]

Deliver it with panache. You'll be fine. Don't forget to write on it first.

Going to leave the price sticker on so she can see that I didn't go the Card Factory.

[littletedwest]

bought her a sign that says love on it. cost 3.99 she is made up.

lad at work has bought his Mrs a 50p card. She won't be happy daft twat.

[ZonkoVille77]

Going to leave the price sticker on so she can see that I didn't go the Card Factory.

Good idea. Put a "cock print" on it instead of signing it, too.

[ZonkoVille77]

Time taken for most men to pick a card: 30secs.

 

Time taken for most women: 3 weeks

[Rico1304]

When I bought my card today the assistant asked if I wanted some heart shaped confetti to sprinkle in the envelope. I just sighed.

[Captain Turdseye]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I've got a knife

Get in the van

[JagSquared]

The least you can do is get a card...

 

 

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I've got a knife

Get in the van

Have you changed your username Chevette?

[Chairman Meow]

Have you changed your username Chevette?

 

Last year I had posted 

 

Roses are red

Violets are blue 

I've got a hammer

Get in the fucking van

 

It's good to see I may be having a positive influence on this place

[Bjornebye]

Roses are red

These flowers are for you

Maggies still dead

And I still love you

[lifetime fan]

 

Had the first bottle at 8 this morning, few more done now and she's about to put this one in her mouth.

[Mook]

 

Had the first bottle at 8 this morning, few more done now and she's about to put this one in her mouth.

I could do that with a fun sized bottle.

 

Not a fucking problem.

[Guest davelfc]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCj_jPHWg2E

[lifetime fan]

I could do that with a fun sized bottle.

 

Not a fucking problem.

What do you mean?

 

It is a fun size bottle.

[Champ]

Well, I'm just glad I wasn't viewing the thread on my desktop. In my open plan office. Nice leg muscles btw

[Trumo]

 

Had the first bottle at 8 this morning, few more done now and she's about to put this one in her mouth.

 

Boy does she needs a shave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* runs away quickly *

[Section_31]

I worry about you Lifey, you may fold under questioning.

[Furmedge]

My wife doesn't want anything for Valentine's day. Then she looks on Facebook for the 150th time in an hour and points out somebody whose taken a photo of a bunch of flowers and silently shows me the picture. It's finally dawned on her that I've bought her fuck all (apart from a pizza for tonight, suave) and she's got a right face on. Tempted to point out that while shes been on maternity ive bought her all kinds including a brand new car (i was looking for a new car and settled for a used one to get her a new one), cushions (tip for the kids, women can't get enough of cushions) and a ironing board cover (practical).

 

She's bought me nothing either coincidentally.

[lifetime fan]

I worry about you Lifey, you may fold under questioning.

She woke covered in rose petals, with smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and a bottle of prosecco at 8 this morning.

 

She had a card from not on the high street, a bottle of D&G The One, 3 dozen roses and a Dylon Thomas love letters book. The Welsh love that shit.

 

She also had some underwear from ann summers for me and a £127 vibrator you can download an app for and I can control from Dubai whilst we Skype.

 

We've another few bottles of fizz, a magnum of champagne and I'm cooking this evening.

 

Salmon, prawn, crab and lobster roulade and then trout with scallops for main.

 

I've had anal 3 times and 2 long blowjobs. I'm now led in bed watching the unmentionable with a glass of fizz, a smile and she's giving me a foot massage. Life is pretty fucking good.

 

 

 

 

 

[KMD7]

Not that it looks like you need any help Col but here's some advice from Jules anyway

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My wife doesn't want anything for Valentine's day. Then she looks on Facebook for the 150th time in an hour and points out somebody whose taken a photo of a bunch of flowers and silently shows me the picture. It's finally dawned on her that I've bought her fuck all (apart from a pizza for tonight, suave) and she's got a right face on. Tempted to point out that while shes been on maternity ive bought her all kinds including a brand new car (i was looking for a new car and settled for a used one to get her a new one), cushions (tip for the kids, women can't get enough of cushions) and a ironing board cover (practical).

 

She's bought me nothing either coincidentally.

 

Fucking well remind her

[Anubis]

Poor Col. Gone to all that trouble and she's still made you take the vibrator up the arse three times.

[RoboRiise]

When I bought my card today the assistant asked if I wanted some heart shaped confetti to sprinkle in the envelope. I just sighed.

 

That is taking rinsing you to whole new levels.  You've just paid about £8 for a piece of folded paper and they're trying to get you to shell out on scraps of tissue paper, never satisfied are they?

[lifetime fan]

Poor Col. Gone to all that trouble and she's still made you take the vibrator up the arse three times.

Strap on.

 

Get it right if you're going to take the piss.

[Carvalho Diablo]

She woke covered in rose petals, with smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and a bottle of prosecco at 8 this morning.

 

She had a card from not on the high street, a bottle of D&G The One, 3 dozen roses and a Dylon Thomas love letters book. The Welsh love that shit.

 

She also had some underwear from ann summers for me and a £127 vibrator you can download an app for and I can control from Dubai whilst we Skype.

 

We've another few bottles of fizz, a magnum of champagne and I'm cooking this evening.

 

Salmon, prawn, crab and lobster roulade and then trout with scallops for main.

 

I've had anal 3 times and 2 long blowjobs. I'm now led in bed watching the unmentionable with a glass of fizz, a smile and she's giving me a foot massage. Life is pretty fucking good.

 

Awooga.

 

Fixed.