Are you a Weapon of Mass Destruction?

[Moctezuma]

Was having a chat with a junior doctor the other day about how she spent ages trying to kill this beetle she discovered in her house. Got me thinking how many other living creatures do I/the average human kill inadvertently or via swatting?

 

So average life span 76.7 years in the UK, of which 13 you’re probably not ambling around that much.

 

Insects are really up and around for only two thirds of the years so say 220 days.

 

I reckon your average person accidentally/deliberately kills an insect every 4 days.

 

So 64.7 x 220 x 0.25= 3558.5

 

That’s a fairly hefty level of carnage the average human wroughts on the world.

 

If you were Buddhist I suppose this might go down.

 

Also these fuckers must make up a high percentage of those getting swotted.

 

 

Do the members of the GF go in for killing sprees or not?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

If it flies it gets swatted. I fucking hate wasps. 

[cloggypop]

How many of them live off my waste and eventually my decaying body though?

 

I reckon I work out fairly insect neutral.

[Bjornebye]

Depends on the creature. I fucking hate spiders so they feel the full force of the sole of my shoe. I'd also kill wasps but never get the chance to. Fly's get death swipes, 1 in 3 I reckon my hit rate is. I'm no Mr Miagi but i'm not really slow like I would imagine, david dimbleby or prince phillip would be. I couldn't tell you how many ants I accidentally stand on but I don't intentionally kill them. I was brought up to respect bee's so they get a free pass. Slugs, snails ...... I make a point of avoiding them although (particularly in wooded areas) I sometimes hear the crunch of a snails demise. I always apologise.

 

In short, i'm half mass murderer half insectitarian.

[Moctezuma]

Depends on the creature. I fucking hate spiders so they feel the full force of the sole of my shoe. I'd also kill wasps but never get the chance to. Fly's get death swipes, 1 in 3 I reckon my hit rate is. I'm no Mr Miagi but i'm not really slow like I would imagine, david dimbleby or prince phillip would be. I couldn't tell you how many ants I accidentally stand on but I don't intentionally kill them. I was brought up to respect bee's so they get a free pass. Slugs, snails ...... I make a point of avoiding them although (particularly in wooded areas) I sometimes hear the crunch of a snails demise. I always apologise.

 

In short, i'm half mass murderer half insectitarian.

 

The trick with fly's is to go slow...   ...slow...   ...slow...   BAM!

 

Their eye's work at a far quicker rate than ours so even our quick movements seem super slow mo to them, so you have to get in position and then hit em' quick and hard.

[Moctezuma]

I too try to avoid bees they're ace and virtually never sting anyone.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

The trick with fly's is to go slow...   ...slow...   ...slow...   BAM!

 

Their eye's work at a far quicker rate than ours so even our quick movements seem super slow mo to them, so you have to get in position and then hit em' quick and hard.

 

Fly's take off backwards, so just aim behind them and it improves your hit count. 

[stringvest]

How many of them live off my waste and eventually my decaying body though?

 

I reckon I work out fairly insect neutral.

 

Brilliant Partridgism there...

[Jairzinho]

I don't kill spiders. It's stupid to do so, because they kill all the shit insects.

 

I generally give stuff like Mosquitoes, Daddy Longlegs, Flies, etc a chance to leave, but then I'm afraid if you reject my act of kindness I will be killing you.

 

Bees are sound, and I give Wasps a wide berth having being massacred by one when I was a kid.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Whilst a young lad of 14 I was fishing with a mate and stood in a wasps nest by accident. I had shorts on and the fucking things covered my legs and stung me to fuck, even after i dived in the river the little fuckers kept stinging. 2 weeks I was in fucking hospital because of that, I generally still have a phobia about the horrible bastards and do funny break dances when they come to close. 

[magicrat]

My philosophy is simple if they decide to make my home their home they die. I don't go into their nests and make a fucking nuisance of myself

I guess Insect Apartheid is where I'm at, 

[Section_31]

Don't kill anything these days but used to have a field day with wasps back in the day. Summer holidays were a veritable festival of jam traps and blow torches. 

[Elite]

I don't mind any insects apart from wasps, mentally unstable twats, those fuckers need anti-psychotics sprayed into their nests.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Spiders get smashed and wasps despatched. That's it though.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I hoover spiders up, they can eat dust! 

[magicrat]

Bluebottles. Disgusting fuckers

[Jonny83]

I leave spiders alone on the basis of my enemy's enemy is my friend. If it flies it's going down.

 

I must be getting lazy in my old age as I've invested in one of those things with the blue light that zaps the fuckers, but only seems to work on the really small insects, bluebottles (the ones that piss me off the most) seem to have evolved some sort of intelligence in avoiding the thing, so I have to dispatch them the old fashioned way.

[Bobby Hundreds]

I dont kill anything that I can remove with a glass or guide outside in a manner that takes far more time and effort than truly deserves. I have hoovered a few huge spiders though, one was so big its body was in the pipe but legs outside it shaking and wobbling whilst i screamed. I feel guilty just standing on insects by accident. I rode over a duck once on my bmx, the duck was alright but I was quite shaken I shouted "you stupid twat"

[magicrat]

I dont kill anything that I can remove with a glass or guide outside in a manner that takes far more time and effort than truly deserves. I have hoovered a few huge spiders though, one was so big its body was in the pipe but legs outside it shaking and wobbling whilst i screamed. I feel guilty just standing on insects by accident. I rode over a duck once on my bmx, the duck was alright but I was quite shaken I shouted "you stupid twat"

Mrs Rat has a similar kindly attitude towards spiders . Catch and release policy,

Inadvertently caught one of those false widow fuckers a few years back and got bitten.

Needless to say there wasn't too much sympathy forthcoming .Newspaper or a swift size ten is the only way,

[Mook]

Let's face facts here, if you don't go nuclear on the little bastards, this is the sort of shit that's going to happen...

 

[Trumo]

Spray a concoction of water, washing up liquid and pure peppermint oil around your house, especially around doors and windows. Spiders and insects fucking hate the stuff and would rather not hang around. There's a bush at the end of the garden that seems to attract a fair few bees and wasps because it has those tiny red berries in it. I doused it with a stronger dose of the spray and it's made a noticeable difference.

[cloggypop]

Put conkers in all the corners of your house. Spiders and insects are scared of conkers*.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*This may have been stolen from Simon.

[Mook]

There is an anti-spider spray you can get which is basically made from conkers so there is some truth in it.

 

I've also got an excellent tiger repellant which is made from apples & a cylon spray made of fanny batter for when I'm starring in an episode of Battlestar Galactica.

 

[Jairzinho]

Spray a concoction of water, washing up liquid and pure peppermint oil around your house, especially around doors and windows. Spiders and insects fucking hate the stuff and would rather not hang around. There's a bush at the end of the garden that seems to attract a fair few bees and wasps because it has those tiny red berries in it. I doused it with a stronger dose of the spray and it's made a noticeable difference.

 

Fucking Mr Monsanto over here.

[ZonkoVille77]

I love to club baby deals and rabbits to death with a medieval mace.