motivational speech to gobshite kids

[Pony Princess]

I've been asked to give a motivational speech to comp.sci a-level students about working in IT.

 

1) should I bother? I could do with more public speaking experience and there might be some snatch.

2) what should I talk about?

 

[etho]

 

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

 

 

[Elite]

How the world of IT is a mixture of crazy sex, hard drugs and learns you how to plug yourself into The Matrix.

[RJ Fan club]

Talk about how to optimise porn searches

 

They may as well get something out of it as well.

[Bjornebye]

 

just do this. but replace every word with 'cunt'. 

[Tony Moanero]

Have a massive rant about how teenagers of today are mostly clueless, Facebook obsessed, internet dependent cock-noses who have shit hair, dress like utter dicks and go to shit bars and clubs to listen to awful music and neck vile piss like Jaegerbombs, which they think makes them look dead fucking cool but in actual fact makes them look like the huge gaping pussies that they are.

[L19red]

Fuck 'em. Tell them that offfice work is hard and boring and they should either get famous on the x-factor or drift by at school and get jobs in coffee shops, the last thing I need is another generation of tech savvy kids trying to undercut me and steal my work.

[Champ]

Fuck 'em. Tell them that offfice work is hard and boring and they should either get famous on the x-factor or drift by at school and get jobs in coffee shops, the last thing I need is another generation of tech savvy kids trying to undercut me and steal my work.

Reverse psychology. Now you're talking

[Anubis]

I dare you to do it dressed in a My Little Pony costume.

[Stu Monty]

Constantly drop in bitter comments about where you might be now if it weren't for "those allegations".

[Kevin D]

I've been asked to give a motivational speech to comp.sci a-level students about working in IT.

1) should I bother? I could do with more public speaking experience and there might be some snatch.

2) what should I talk about?

I think it's worth enquiring if any of them, as a matter of fact, feel lucky.

[Jairzinho]

Do they need motivating?

 

They're doing a computer science course. They won't have distractions.

[Stu Monty]

Point out to them that any ideas they may have for world changing tecnological advances you would be willing to cast an eye over them first, just to give them a hand.

 

*and then steal the fuck out of that shit*

[Section_31]

Just slag off Windows AND Macs, they won't know where to turn and you'll be IT-cool.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Developers developers developers developers

[razor]

Always be closing.

[Pony Princess]

Just slag off Windows AND Macs, they won't know where to turn and you'll be IT-cool.

 

"hey if you love apple products put your hands up!"

 

*reaction*

 

"ok! great attitude! now, who loves microsoft!"

 

*reaction*

 

"yeah!  you are all a bunch of faggot virgins.  you've been a great audience!"

 

*drops mic and walks off to the pub*

[Pony Princess]

Point out to them that any ideas they may have for world changing tecnological advances you would be willing to cast an eye over them first, just to give them a hand.

 

*and then steal the fuck out of that shit*

 

I like where you are coming from but a few years ago I attended something similar where young software developers had to give ideas to experienced software developers. It was cringe worthy as fuck.  They were rubbish and had been brainwashed into this idea that you could only become good by having some cockbrained idea in your mums bedroom and someone taking you on.  When we explained you generally work at getting good and gain experience they all looked like we'd pissed on their chips.

[Trumo]

Have you turned it off and on again?

[Anubis]

Start the speech by telling them you're taking them on a team-building exercise to Crimea.

[Rico1304]

Try hard at school or you'll end up working for the gas.

[Trumo]

If the OP had to talk about working in media rather than IT, he could just leave them with this: