What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[General Dryness]

11 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Imagine being hungover as fuck, thinking you're beating the system by ordering a Full English delivery. Imagine the hope, the optimism, the sheer thrill of waiting for it to arrive and dispense with your hangover, like an elixir made by the gods of Olympus themselves.

 

And then, then, this fucking travesty arrives, everything you hoped for disapears like the cepia tinged memory of a former lovers flaws. You look at it and realise that you're fucked, done, it's over. it'll never get better than yesterday. The anguise must be akin to Munch's 'scream', but there will never be interest in you, no crowds to assess your merit, no validation, no discussion of your qualities and worth, just a sad, hungover creature holding a box containing a breakfast so bad that the driver feels guilty handing it over to a man such as yourself who is so close to the edge.

TL;DR 

 

Fuck off belarus you cunt.

[General Dryness]

10 hours ago, Edward. said:

If you had seen the breakfast I had in Vietnam you’d understand. 

 

[Jairzinho]

My grandfather didn't fight in a world war for people to be delivered toast in a cardboard box.

[Remmie]

11 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Plenty of places deliver fry-ups nowadays, but bacon and egg, like, say, burger and chips doesn’t travel well.

I've had decent chippy chips delivered hot and tasty

[Numero Veinticinco]

7 minutes ago, Jairzinho said:

My grandfather didn't fight in a world war for people to be delivered toast in a cardboard box.

That’s the only reason my grandfather did. It’s actually the only way they could get him to fight. 

[Jairzinho]

1 minute ago, Numero said:

That’s the only reason my grandfather did. It’s actually the only way they could get him to fight. 

He was a Nazi though, to be fair.

[Numero Veinticinco]

48 minutes ago, Jairzinho said:

He was a Nazi though, to be fair.

Yes, him asking for schnitzel on the breakfast is still a source of shame to the family. 

[Jairzinho]

1 minute ago, Numero said:

Yes, him asking for schnitzel on the breakfast is still a source of shame to the family. 

Gebackene Bohnen?

[Curly]

Right then...

 

Homemade effort today. Not in shot is either my perfectly coloured cup of tea or my excellently cooked toast.

 

Also out of shot is your ma’s cum face.

 

Do your worst. 
 

Oh, and Happy New Year x

[Tony Moanero]

14 minutes ago, belarus said:

Right then...

 

Homemade effort today. Not in shot is either my perfectly coloured cup of tea or my excellently cooked toast.

 

Also out of shot is your ma’s cum face.

 

Do your worst. 
 

Oh, and Happy New Year x

No sausages or black pudding. Frozen hash browns. Tomatoes that look like Giant Haystacks sat on them. I’d rather eat dry Shredded Wheat.

[YorkshireRed]

First the positives...

 

I like the confidence of not having the plate perfectly positioned on the table mat. You’re obviously a guy who like to challenge societal norms. You’ll probably end up being tortured by the Secret Service at some point but, until then, you have my respect.

 

The bacon looks decent but is clearly trying to dissociate itself from some of the other ingredients.

 

Areas of concern...

 

The three stray mushrooms remind me of those Budweiser frogs on their lily pad. Although I quite liked those little fellas, they’re a bit past their best, as are the mushrooms. 
 

That hash brown looks like it could have done with a bit more umph. The eggs a little less umph. 
 

A personal preference but tomatoes would be nowhere near my cooked breakfast. Especially a solo adventurer like the one adorning your plate. You either have them or you don’t, no halfway housing in this mans breakfast army.

And finally...

 

Free the beans. Their days of living in the breakfast equivalent of a Nazi created Ghetto are over. 
 

Thanks for sharing. 

 

[Bruce Spanner]

Saw this ‘thing’ flash up on just eat a while back, completely forgot about it until I saw that mess above.

 

 

I mean, where do you fucking start with how truly bad that is?

[Curly]

9 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

No sausages or black pudding. Frozen hash browns. Tomatoes that look like Giant Haystacks sat on them. I’d rather eat dry Shredded Wheat.

I had to work with what was at hand mate.

8 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

First the positives...

 

I like the confidence of not having the plate perfectly positioned on the table mat. You’re obviously a guy who like to challenge societal norms. You’ll probably end up being tortured by the Secret Service at some point but, until then, you have my respect.

 

The bacon looks decent but is clearly trying to dissociate itself from some of the other ingredients.

 

Areas of concern...

 

The three stray mushrooms remind me of those Budweiser frogs on their lily pad. Although I quite liked those little fellas, they’re a bit past their best, as are the mushrooms. 
 

That hash brown looks like it could have done with a bit more umph. The eggs a little less umph. 
 

A personal preference but tomatoes would be nowhere near my cooked breakfast. Especially a solo adventurer like the one adorning your plate. You either have them or you don’t, no halfway housing in this mans breakfast army.

And finally...

 

Free the beans. Their days of living in the breakfast equivalent of a Nazi created Ghetto are over. 
 

Thanks for sharing. 

 

The hash browns were regrettable. I had to pad it out due to lack of ingredients.

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Saw this ‘thing’ flash up on just eat a while back, completely forgot about it until I saw that mess above.

 

 

I mean, where do you fucking start with how truly bad that is?

This breakfast represents why we might as well end the world now. It’s already over, we just don’t know it yet. 

[Barrington Womble]

31 minutes ago, belarus said:

Right then...

 

Homemade effort today. Not in shot is either my perfectly coloured cup of tea or my excellently cooked toast.

 

Also out of shot is your ma’s cum face.

 

Do your worst. 
 

Oh, and Happy New Year x

What happened to you egg? And bacon? And sausage? Other than that, the beans look nice. 

[TheHowieLama]

Looks like three mushrooms have landed on the moon and one on Mars.

 

For once someone has cooked their bacon.

 

3/10

[Barrington Womble]

Is was in Asda the other day and saw this monstrosity for sale. How desperate does life need to get for you to want to buy this? They can't even make it look good on the picture on the box. Imagine how bad it really is. 

[cloggypop]

13 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Saw this ‘thing’ flash up on just eat a while back, completely forgot about it until I saw that mess above.

 

 

I mean, where do you fucking start with how truly bad that is?

The individually rinsed beans. 

[Bruce Spanner]

1 minute ago, cloggypop said:

The individually rinsed beans. 

 

I thik it's more that there's dressing on the salad, just why?

 

Like a fat lass asking for a diet coke with her supersize meal, it's a token gesture.

[Anubis]

On 22/11/2020 at 16:42, Edward. said:

I have a pic of it but no idea how to post it on here. 
 

I work with homeless people so I often respond without thinking about how the comment was meant.

Bit of a leap to assume the guy was homeless. It was Australia so it might have been just another pissed up Aussie sleeping it off on a park bench.

[Anubis]

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

Is was in Asda the other day and saw this monstrosity for sale. How desperate does life need to get for you to want to buy this? They can't even make it look good on the picture on the box. Imagine how bad it really is. 

You should have bought one be reviewed it for our entertainment.

 

That ‘egg’ though...

[Barrington Womble]

Just now, Anubis said:

You should have bought one be reviewed it for our entertainment.

It's only Asda. Anyone with a desire to do it for the interests of the forum is more than welcome! 

[Tony Moanero]

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

 

[Remmie]

3 hours ago, belarus said:

Right then...

 

Homemade effort today. Not in shot is either my perfectly coloured cup of tea or my excellently cooked toast.

 

Also out of shot is your ma’s cum face.

 

Do your worst. 
 

Oh, and Happy New Year x

A fitting tribute to Tracey Emin's 'bed' piece in a breakfast format. Perhaps the roadkill egg is also a tribute to Damien Hirst

[Trumo]

3 hours ago, belarus said:

Right then...

 

Homemade effort today. Not in shot is either my perfectly coloured cup of tea or my excellently cooked toast.

 

Also out of shot is your ma’s cum face.

 

Do your worst. 
 

Oh, and Happy New Year x

 

A glimpse into our new Brexit world there.

 

 

 

 

And then there's all that other stuff on the plate itself.