September Spiders

[Thants]

I've got this little beauty living with us at the moment in the kitchen. Been there slowly growing and eating away for the past 3 months.

 

 

I've now only 3 small others in the house at the moment, the cellar spiders fell away a few weeks ago and the harvestman (not strictly a spider) won't come in as they prefer my cucumber plant outside.

[Uncle_Meat]

Spiders rarely last a couple of days in my house, the cats like to chase and eat them.

 

Go cats, you spider-munching muddy funsters!

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Btw if simon's conkers don't work, lavender is the way to get rid humanely. Keeps the Fu kers at bay in a hippy stylee. Lavender and eucalyptus spray for yer moths and. Cockroaches.

Reading this reminds us of the auld crocodile Dundee, British house spoof that ain't a spider - huntsman - now that's what I call a spider

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

I've got this little beauty living with us at the moment in the kitchen. Been there slowly growing and eating away for the past 3 months.

 

 

I've now only 3 small others in the house at the moment, the cellar spiders fell away a few weeks ago and the harvestman (not strictly a spider) won't come in as they prefer my cucumber plant outside.

 

I'll see yours and raise you:

 

 

This is the afore mentioned Boris's bird I think, bit smaller

[Jennings]

Think what you want but the fact i have never seen a spider in my flat would prove me right.

 

Extending the theory must mean they repel women too?

 

 

 

 

 

Oh shaddup I am kidding!!

[JMARKH]

I don't find spiders offensive and let them live, also if they bite you you get the added bonus of climbing up walls and swinging from building to building so it is not a bad thing at all.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

I've got this little beauty living with us at the moment in the kitchen. Been there slowly growing and eating away for the past 3 months.

 

 

I've now only 3 small others in the house at the moment, the cellar spiders fell away a few weeks ago and the harvestman (not strictly a spider) won't come in as they prefer my cucumber plant outside.

 

Feed them some small pieces of meat and watch them grow to gigantic proportions.

[Joe Le Taxi]

Feed them radioactive meat and watch them grow.

 

[Thants]

Feed them some small pieces of meat and watch them grow to gigantic proportions.

 

I was thinking that the other day. My cat leaves plenty of catfood so I was wondering if they'd eat it. Seeing as the catfood bowl doesn't tend to be covered in spiders I came to the conclusion I'd be left with a bit of cat food in the corner of my kitchen window.

 

Also regarding Lavender keeping out the spiders, how come I have about 6 garden spiders happily making their web every day in my lavender?

[RedKnight]

I just put down my Amazing Spider-Man #587 and evacuated three of them to the toilet. Double standards? Never.

[Thants]

I just put down my Amazing Spider-Man #587 and evacuated three of them to the toilet. Double standards? Never.

 

Negged for drowning spiders.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I'm staying in me ma's for a few days and there was just a big one on the fireplace. Not being in my house I did not have access to my usual collection of Raid and long things to beat them with. I grabbed the first thing that came to hand which was a can of Insette hair spray. It's now lacquered and I assume dead stuck to the hearth

[She Knows It]

I'm staying in me ma's for a few days and there was just a big one on the fireplace. Not being in my house I did not have access to my usual collection of Raid and long things to beat them with. I grabbed the first thing that came to hand which was a can of Insette hair spray. It's now lacquered and I assume dead stuck to the hearth

 

It'll be stuck forever if you used Insette. Like that mosquito in the amber from Jurassic Park. A 2 second burst would probably stop a grown man in his tracks.

[Dirk]

I used to kill them but for a number of years I've not been able to kill them - I put them outside using a magazine/envelope and a glass. The same goes for most bugs.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I'm half hoping it's going to do a T-1000 and if I hit it with something it'll smash into a hundred pieces. But then I have a 100 pieces of spider on the floor, and I don't need that shit

[rondeco]

I saw one today hunt down a wasp that got caught up in its web and it killed it in minutes. It was fascinating stuff. Just rolled it in webby shit and then began feeding on it. I was intrigued so I threw a leaf into the web and it got stuck. The spider flew down to it and when it realised it was a leaf, it set about freeing it from the web.

 

I couldn't believe how quickly it got rid of the leaf so I threw another one into the web and the exact same thing. Just cut the leaf free and dropped it to the ground. Awesome.

[odris]

Fuck, i hate this thread! There is a massive one in my room, it just fell off the wall and now it's probably making it's way up my bed as we speak, i am petrified of them.

[Chocoholic]

I say hello to the ones in my house, and call them Demetrius.

[JohnnyH]

Fuck me! I'd not seen a single spider in the house up until yesterday, and now I've seen 5 in the last 48 hours. And the last fucker who just walked across my sitting room was the size of a fucking horse. I was sitting with a mate watching the City game and this fucking monster galloped out from the under the couch. I opened the sliding door in the hope he'd piss off out as he was right beside it, as I walked across the room to get a magazine to help him on his way, the fucker chased after me. HE CHASED AFTER ME!! A bleedin' elephant gun wouldn't have detered this bastard. I wont sleep tonight for fear of any of his pals trying to rob me car or something.

 

Anyway, Mr Spider is with Jade and Michael now (assuming both Goody and Jackson were flattened by my Worlds Greatest Heavyweight Boxing Champions book and flushed down my toilet - two flushes as well I may add)

[odris]

Some nights i am scared to look at the wall in fear of there being one eyeing me up for the kill.

[Anubis]

Fuck me! I'd not seen a single spider in the house up until yesterday, and now I've seen 5 in the last 48 hours. And the last fucker who just walked across my sitting room was the size of a fucking horse. I was sitting with a mate watching the City game and this fucking monster galloped out from the under the couch. I opened the sliding door in the hope he'd piss off out as he was right beside it, as I walked across the room to get a magazine to help him on his way, the fucker chased after me. HE CHASED AFTER ME!! A bleedin' elephant gun wouldn't have detered this bastard. I wont sleep tonight for fear of any of his pals trying to rob me car or something.

 

Anyway, Mr Spider is with Jade and Michael now (assuming both Goody and Jackson were flattened by my Worlds Greatest Heavyweight Boxing Champions book and flushed down my toilet - two flushes as well I may add)

 

Now you've done it. The spiders will have their revenge.

 

While you sleep they will come trip trippity trip up the stairs. They will climb your duvet and sit at the end of the bed, watching you with their eight eyes. Then they'll smile their evil spider smiles and go scuttle scuttlety scuttle over the duvet, using four of their eight legs to pull it back. Then whip whippity whip you'll be wrapped in their silken spidery web, before nip nippity nip they bite you and inject their jellifying spider poison. Then, as your insides are liquified in a crescendo of pain they'll go slurp slurpitty slurp as they gobble you up. And in the morning your mates will find a dry mummified husk.

 

Bye.

[fowler9]

right annoying little fuckers, kept getting them on my bedroom ceiling

 

dont mind them during day but cant go to sleep knowing the cunts are there, my technique this year has been to trap em in an empty crisp packet n send em into bottom of the bin

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just to make you all aware I have strategically placed 6 conkers around my house and have only seen 1 spider which was on the ceiling of the room we rarely go in which didn't have a conker in.

 

Oh all of you who laughed at Simon must feel like chumps now

[JohnnyH]

Well, I made it through the night. Just.

 

Your mans brother from last night was in my bedroom and he called me a fat cunt. I took a spade to him and he with his family now. Little snidey fuckers. Call me fat and thinks he can get away with it. They must have been hiding and all decided to show themselves now. No more Mr nice guy (yes, I'm aware I've killed all I've seen so far, but I did it nicely) from now on it's slow deaths. Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't we all just get alone? Read my lips, no more spiders.

[Edward.]

Conkers don't work, and the reason there are so many spiders around in your houses at the moment is that they have stopped feeding and are looking to mate. There will be a lot of males roaming carpets trying to get their legs over. There will be fucking millions of the little bastards soon.