Tip of the day

[Section_31]

Post a tip for your fellow forumites...

 

Mine is: 'When you can smell your balls from a standing position, its time for a wash'

[Thants]

"Never put your hands where you wouldn't put your face."

[Owen]

"Never put your hands where you wouldn't put your face."

 

The one we use in our risk assessment training is "never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your dick."

[Flying Pig]

Save money on a gravel driveway. Just scatter Rice Krispies on the driveways and enjoy the same noise as the expensive path.

[Mr.SB]

'Borrow' 5p from a different person/colleague/friend each day and you'll have made £1.50 in a month.

[Harry Squatter]

When robbing a car at night smear yourself in cold mud like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator, when you crash the car and make a break for it over someones fence you will be instantly invisible to heat sensored helicopter images.

[RedinSweden]

When parking your car in a large car park, let all your tyres down when you leave. then when you return, your car will be easier to find as it will be lower than other cars.

[Mr.SB]

When parking your car in a large car park, let all your tyres down when you leave. then when you return, your car will be easier to find as it will be lower than other cars.

 

What should I do if my car was an SUV.

[Karl_b]

When selling your house, replace your furniture with children's tables and chairs, and use a dwarf estate agent. Instantly, your house will seem more roomy than it actually is.

[Harry Squatter]

Re enact the famous opening scene from Raiders of the lost ark by putting a rat in a cobweb filled plastic drainpipe and pushing a tennis ball through the top of the pipe.

[Remmie]

How many of these are stolen from Viz? Oh and the SUV one is easy- just smash it with a hammer until it's smaller then the rest.

[Sut]

If you go on a mission, wear long trousers.

[The Chief]

Post a tip for your fellow forumites...

 

Mine is: 'When you can smell your balls from a standing position, its time for a wash'

 

Fucking hell, so THAT'S what that smell is!! *sniff* *sniff*

 

If you like and buy fresh fish, buy a whole fish, cut the head off and use the mouth as a minge. This way you'll save loads by not using prozzies. Apparently there really is a fish that's mouth is just like a minge!! So i've been told, but can i fuck remember the name of it.

[Flying Pig]

How many of these are stolen from Viz? Oh and the SUV one is easy- just smash it with a hammer until it's smaller then the rest.

 

My was.

 

 

Make all your mates envious of your yearly holidays to expensive locations,that you can't afford by simply staying at home and not answering the phone.

[Harry Squatter]

How many of these are stolen from Viz? Oh and the SUV one is easy- just smash it with a hammer until it's smaller then the rest.

 

 

 

the Raiders of the lost ark one is stolen - I hold my hand up to that

[Karl_b]

Yeah mine too.

 

A real one:

 

Don't ever call yourself an architect unless you are one, don't even think about making that mistake, or my tutor from uni will come and bum you to death.

[Flying Pig]

Pretend your a werewolf by glueing a paper plate to your window, ensuring a Full Moon every night.

[Harry Squatter]

My Dad told me

 

"Never trust a man who doesn't like footy, he's either a bender or a weirdo"

[Ezekiel 25:17]

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos...then you probably

haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

[RJ Fan club]

Slash your phone bill by getting hard before phoning sex chat lines,

[Guest shaunshanks]

Fucking hell, so THAT'S what that smell is!! *sniff* *sniff*

 

If you like and buy fresh fish, buy a whole fish, cut the head off and use the mouth as a minge. This way you'll save loads by not using prozzies. Apparently there really is a fish that's mouth is just like a minge!! So i've been told, but can i fuck remember the name of it.

 

 

Its the Carp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently!

[Anny Road]

Ever wanted a driveway made out of posh crunchy gravel. Save yourself some money by stopping 50 yards from home and gluing rice crispies to your tyres.

[Mr.SB]

Ever wanted a driveway made out of posh crunchy gravel. Save yourself some money by stopping 50 yards from home and gluing rice crispies to your tyres.

 

Obviously never read through the thread. What's the preoccupation with posh crunchy gravel???

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

Slash your phone bill by getting hard before phoning sex chat lines,

 

Wise words mate.....

[LiverpoolFreak]

'The lottery is for people who are bad at maths'