Have a rant thread

[Captain Willard]

The BBC won’t let you binge watch box sets, Make you wait a week for the next installment even on i player. I’ve paid my licence fee, I should be able to consume the purchased product in whatever way I choose. Imagine if they sold beer, no more for you this week even though you’ve paid for the whole crate. It’s absurd. 

[Clem H Fandango]

It's becoming very tempting in my new job to use my privilege of remote access to print out on a customers photocopier "you thick cunt, read the fucking manual". 

[Captain Howdy]

On 30/10/2021 at 16:05, Tony Moanero said:

It’s virtually impossible to get a decent pie from a supermarket nowadays. I can’t remember the last time I saw a Scotch Pie in Morrisons, Sainsbury’s, etc. Anything from in-house bakeries tends to be cheap and nasty. Pukka Pies were once an acceptable, convenient option but they are a fucking disgrace now. They used to be deep-filled but now there’s little more than a tablespoon of meat and gravy, and the pie lids could double as manhole covers. In recent times there has been a proliferation of so-called gourmet pies - Pieminister, Higgidy, Jon Thorner, etc. Even the supermarkets sell own brand “gastro” pies. These fuckers, almost without fail, contain alcohol, which is fuck all use to someone such as myself who avoids alcohol in food. I can understand steak and ale pies but you don’t fucking need white wine in a chicken and mushroom pie.

 

Love Scotch pies, haven’t had one I ages.

[Captain Turdseye]

I’m meant to be, erm, trying to lose weight. Just waiting for the oven to beep and then I’m eating one of these for my tea. 
 

 

I’m not having bread or chips or anything with it, which I should be commended for. I’m doing a great job of convincing myself I’m not a fat cunt. Meanwhile I can’t button up most of my jeans. 

[littletedwest]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

The BBC won’t let you binge watch box sets, Make you wait a week for the next installment even on i player. I’ve paid my licence fee, I should be able to consume the purchased product in whatever way I choose. Imagine if they sold beer, no more for you this week even though you’ve paid for the whole crate. It’s absurd. 

That britbox fucks me off. We've paid for bbc stuff but If we wanna rewatch we have to pay them 

[Captain Turdseye]

I couldn’t finish the whole pie. I feel slimmer already. 

[Captain Willard]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I couldn’t finish the whole pie. I feel slimmer already. 

You're not. 

[TheHowieLama]

Stand on your tiptoes for any photos. 

[Captain Turdseye]

3 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

You're not. 

This is the 21st century, man. It’s how you feel that matters. 

[Captain Willard]

8 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

This is the 21st century, man. It’s how you feel that matters. 

Ha ha. You’ve inspired me,  I’m going to buy some size 34 jeans today because I self identify as a thin bloke. 

[Captain Turdseye]

4 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

Ha ha. You’ve inspired me,  I’m going to buy some size 34 jeans today because I self identify as a thin bloke. 

It’s growing out of 32” jeans that’s made me realise that I’m fat. God help you. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

2 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

It’s growing out of 32” jeans that’s made me realise that I’m fat. God help you. 

All my 32 inch jeans shrunk in the wash a couple years back. And can't fucking prove otherwise, right?

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

It’s growing out of 32” jeans that’s made me realise that I’m fat. God help you. 

32 inch jeans are a figment of my imagination.

[Total Longo]

18 hours ago, Captain Howdy said:

Love Scotch pies, haven’t had one I ages.

is it pastry encased in sausagemeat? 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Total Longo said:

is it pastry encased in sausagemeat? 

It's a deep fried bottle of buckfast 

[Total Longo]

2 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

It's a deep fried bottle of buckfast 

with added deep fried heroin

[Bjornebye]

16 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

with added deep fried heroin

Goes without saying 

[Captain Howdy]

41 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

is it pastry encased in sausagemeat? 

It’s like compressed mutton encased in pastry.  Lovely they are

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Captain Howdy said:

It’s like compressed mutton encased in pastry.  Lovely they are

Mutton dressed as Gregg's.

[Bjornebye]

Went for a walk down the waterfront today from Brunswick down to the Pier Head and back. walked past the exhibition centre and all the weird and wonderful were out in force (comic-con was on). Walking back I oberheard someone say they wanted to meet Opie and Tig (Sons of Anarchy) so I've just got home and had a look who was there today. Click this link, and scroll to the very bottom......

 

https://www.comicconventionliverpool.co.uk/guests-2021

 

I'm angry, confused and heartbroken. 

[Bruce Spanner]

Incompetent, unreflective, overly ambitious pricks with no real understanding of what leadership is, just buzz words and misunderstood, out of date, practice.

 

Earn your stripes, learn your lines or your wings are getting clipped.

 

Moron.

[Gnasher]

4 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Incompetent, unreflective, overly ambitious pricks with no real understanding of what leadership is, just buzz words and misunderstood, out of date, practice.

 

Earn your stripes, learn your lines or your wings are getting clipped.

 

Moron.

Don't be so hard on yourself Spanner.

[easytoslip]

I was just looking at the news articles on the telly and there was one titled What did we learn about Adele on Oprah, who the fuck are we? and who gives a fuck about some bird making a record, plus she's in all the papers, I also couldn't give a fuck about your personal life nor do I want to see a picture of you in my morning paper when I'm enjoying my breakfast. 

[sir roger]

Adele sets my teeth on edge , self absorbed cow.

[YorkshireRed]

The wife’s been shopping this morning, came back with some nice cooked ham from the butchers.

 

Offered to make me a sandwich, which did make me a little suspicious, but I gladly accepted.

 

Ten minutes later she shouts me to inform me I need to butter my own bread. I rolled with the initial punch and made my way to the kitchen.

 

“Where’s the ham?” I enquired.

 

”In the fridge” she responded.

 

I bet she genuinely believes she’s just made me a sandwich.