The world of a woman.

[Champ]

Try harder!

Its the fun part because once you've done the deed sex as a priority goes from top of the league to the Conference pretty quickly.

I also agree that pregnant women look sexy.(I reckon it gives them a good excuse to be fat) but dont tell anybody I said that! winky smiley thing

Oh, it absolutely does. Its the one time you can go on a beach holiday without worrying about what you're going to look like in your bikini

[matt1983]

I've just finished reading this whole thread- took months so if anyone has had years old posts repped, you know why. It's good to know it's not just my Mrs who is mental. We've had a baby and moved in the last 3 months so there's not been much logic or reason present at home of late.

 

When she was younger she visited a mate of hers at Guildford uni and on the way back turned the wrong direction for home off the A3 on to the M25, driving several junctions before realising, before getting off, going a further junction up the M40 to turn round and head back the way she came. I pointed out that by the time she'd done all that she may as well have just kept going on the M25, to which she replied "I thought about that, but I don't know where it goes".

[manwiththestick]

Bit of amnesty required here. The little one had his first under 7's match yesterday and as a result the missus came along to see him in action:

 

Her: How long is the match?

Me: 40 minutes.

Her: How long is each half?

Me: ?

Her: Each half, how long?

Me: First half 30 minutes, second is 10.

Her : Oh right.

[JagSquared]

Looking at potential holidays next year I suggest Costa Rica. She's looking at a map of South America and says

 

Her "I can't find it"

Me "You might want to look a bit North from there my dear"

Her "I don't know where North is"

[matt1983]

"I'm glad I'm not tall, I don't like heights"

[General Dryness]

"I'm glad I'm not tall, I don't like heights"

If you want some peace and quiet for an hour or two, tell her that Robert Wadlow, the tallest man who ever lived, was so tall that he had to climb a step ladder to put his hands in his pockets.

 

That'll keep her thinking for a while.

[matt1983]

If you want some peace and quiet for an hour or two, tell her that Robert Wadlow, the tallest man who ever lived, was so tall that he had to climb a step ladder to put his hands in his pockets.

 

That'll keep her thinking for a while.

I'll tell you exactly how that plays out- she'll swallow that whole until she repeats it to her old man, and she'll get the hump when she realises that she's being laughed at. Which will make a change from getting the hump about fuck all. I'm in.

[Harry Squatter]

Why do loads of them believe in mediums and psychics?.

 

My Mrs mate always goes to them and always arranges to go to the Jolly Miller when they have a clairvoyant night. None of them ever say anything apart from the most vague tenuous shite that can be interpreted several ways. Same with fucking astrology

[Mook]

Why do loads of them believe in mediums and psychics?.

 

My Mrs mate always goes to them and always arranges to go to the Jolly Miller when they have a clairvoyant night. None of them ever say anything apart from the most vague tenuous shite that can be interpreted several ways. Same with fucking astrology

 

My missus' work had a psychic night on Friday, £40 each they paid (mine didn't bother as she knows it's a load of shite), the woman told one of them she had a friend who was either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. They're all in their mid-20s.

 

A bit like paying £40 for someone to tell you one of your friends likes chocolate.

[Harry Squatter]

It's a load of shit, my mrs went to one in southport that 3 of her workmates had been to. Word for word she said exactly the same thing to all of them.

 

Another one went to a psychic and asked if she had problems with her husband even though they never argued. They then argued for months over fuck all after she had been to see the psychic because she thought he was doing things behind her back.

[A Red]

I'm seeing the word..........nonce

[Remmie]

A bird at my wife's work was complaining all the time about her boyfriend, how he watches TV before bed, how he always has to have snacks when watching TV and how he has really bad breath. She is sick of all his bad habits, so when my wife asked why she lived with him the woman said "it's nice to have a man around the house".

[lifetime fan]

Why do loads of them believe in mediums and psychics?.

 

My Mrs mate always goes to them and always arranges to go to the Jolly Miller when they have a clairvoyant night. None of them ever say anything apart from the most vague tenuous shite that can be interpreted several ways. Same with fucking astrology

 

You would though.

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

It's a load of shit, my mrs went to one in southport that 3 of her workmates had been to. Word for word she said exactly the same thing to all of them.

 

Another one went to a psychic and asked if she had problems with her husband even though they never argued. They then argued for months over fuck all after she had been to see the psychic because she thought he was doing things behind her back.

 

Women can be stupid shitcunts.

 

A bird at my wife's work was complaining all the time about her boyfriend, how he watches TV before bed, how he always has to have snacks when watching TV and how he has really bad breath. She is sick of all his bad habits, so when my wife asked why she lived with him the woman said "it's nice to have a man around the house".

 

Women can be stupid shitcunts.

[lifetime fan]

My dads partner will turn the wifi off to save electric and then leave every fucking light in the house on.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My dads partner will turn the wifi off to save electric and then leave every fucking light in the house on.

 

Who the fuck turns the wifi off? Ever? That'd be like nipping outside to just shut the water off at the mains.

[Champ]

 

Appliance Minimum Maximum

100W light bulb 100W 100W

25" colour TV 150W 150W

3" belt sander 1000W 1000W

60W light bulb 60W 60W

9" disc sander 1200W 1200W

Ceiling Fan 25W 75W

Clock radio 1W 2W

Clothes dryer 4000W 4000W

Coffee Maker 800W 1400W

Desktop Computer 50W 150W

Dishwasher 1200W 1500W

Electric Blanket 200W 200W

Electric Kettle 2000W 2000W

Electric Mower 1500W 1500W

Electric Shaver 15W 20W

Fridge / Freezer 150W 400W

Hair Blow dryer 2000W 2500W

Home Air Conditioner 1000W 1000W

Home Internet Router 5W 15W

Iron 1000W 1000W

Laptop Computer 50W 100W

Lawnmower 1000W 1400W

Microwave 600W 1500W

Oven 2150W 2150W

Power Shower 750W 1050W

Strimmer 300W 500W

Submersible Water Pump 400W 400W

Table Fan 10W 25W

Toaster 800W 1800W

TV (19" colour) 70W 100W

Vacuum Cleaner 200W 700W

Washing Machine 500W 500W

Water Feature 35W 35W

[Dr Nowt]

Why do loads of them believe in mediums and psychics?.

 

My Mrs mate always goes to them and always arranges to go to the Jolly Miller when they have a clairvoyant night. None of them ever say anything apart from the most vague tenuous shite that can be interpreted several ways. Same with fucking astrology

 

My missus' work had a psychic night on Friday, £40 each they paid (mine didn't bother as she knows it's a load of shite), the woman told one of them she had a friend who was either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. They're all in their mid-20s.

 

A bit like paying £40 for someone to tell you one of your friends likes chocolate.

 

From a few exes and various mates' sisters and the like down the years, it's amazing how often someone who's trying to get in contact with them is either called John or has a scar somewhere on their left leg.

 

Niche information you're giving me here, pretty sure no-one else will know someone fitting into either of the above two categories.

 

Sometimes they raise the stakes and say it's someone called John with a scar on his left leg.

 

[Dr Nowt]

I know...I know a Jim, with a club foot?

 

THAT'S HIM.  He says he's pleased you're happy.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

"Someone close to you will be having a baby soon"

 

Then literally any time in the next year anyone they have ever met gets pregnant:

 

[Mook]

Are we just ignoring Champ's list?

 

It's like when you see a mental person talking to everyone on the bus & will do anything to avoid eye contact with them.

[Champ]

Are we just ignoring Champ's list?

 

It's like when you see a mental person talking to everyone on the bus & will do anything to avoid eye contact with them.

At least I hadn't put any work into it unlike your contributions on the Breakfast thread

[Mook]

At least I hadn't put any work into it unlike your contributions on the Breakfast thread

 

100 years from now, my breakfast puns will go down alongside the likes of Keats & Shakespeare.

 

Mark my words.

[Bob]

100 years from now, my breakfast puns will go down alongside the likes of Keats & Shakespeare.

 

Mark my words.

4 out of 10

[Mook]

4 out of 10

 

A bit harsh on Shakespeare there, Bob.