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[Section_31]

2 minutes ago, KMD7 said:

Yeah mate, that's why families were so large years ago as there were so many infant deaths. My great grandmother had 20 pregnancies. I think only 13 made it past childhood my granny was the second oldest but lots died in between.

Ah sorry to hear that mate. 

 

It's just mad. Basically I'm only here today because some shepherd boy running away from Romans in Chester or some shit didn't fall in a ditch, or some sailor in the 17th Century was one of about half a dozen who survived a sinking, and so on and so on, all living just long enough to drop a sprog before they died. Crazy. I like to think if they could see into the future and saw me posting on a football website about my bowel movements and Jet from Gladiators, they'd say 'my job here is done'. 

[Geoff Woade]

24 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Ah sorry to hear that mate. 

 

It's just mad. Basically I'm only here today because some shepherd boy running away from Romans in Chester or some shit didn't fall in a ditch, or some sailor in the 17th Century was one of about half a dozen who survived a sinking, and so on and so on, all living just long enough to drop a sprog before they died. Crazy. I like to think if they could see into the future and saw me posting on a football website about my bowel movements and Jet from Gladiators, they'd say 'my job here is done'. 

I often think about this and how it’s possible I’ve come to exist given my general softness. I take to my bed if the WiFi goes down, fear the cold and the thought of manual labour makes me feel faint.

I wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes if I was born a few hundred years ago. My dad’s the same so I can’t imagine how the lineage has survived.

[Bjornebye]

So nobody tweeted saying that girl deserved to be shot in the head then? 

[SasaS]

And why was that boy running away from the Romans?

[Section_31]

31 minutes ago, Geoff Woade said:

I often think about this and how it’s possible I’ve come to exist given my general softness. I take to my bed if the WiFi goes down, fear the cold and the thought of manual labour makes me feel faint.

I wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes if I was born a few hundred years ago. My dad’s the same so I can’t imagine how the lineage has survived.

I'm both unfit and spectacularly unlucky, if I was at Sword beach I'd have lasted about 30 seconds off the boat, if that. 

[Geoff Woade]

4 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

I'm both unfit and spectacularly unlucky, if I was at Sword beach I'd have lasted about 30 seconds off the boat, if that. 

I suspect they’d have sent me home on the first day of basic training, I’d feign enough enthusiasm to avoid being shot at dawn for cowardice but I’m sure they’d quickly work out it would be a waste of equipment to try persevering.

Im also quite snidey though so I’d be the first one to sign up for being one of those people who went and looked for draft dodgers. I’d be ideal for that job as I’d have already worked out the best hiding places for myself.
That or bossing round the women working in the munitions factory.

[sir roger]

48 minutes ago, SasaS said:

And why was that boy running away from the Romans?

He had tender feet and had never had a road to run on before ?

 

[Rico1304]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

When you think about it it's a miracle any of us are here really, the average life span a couple of hundred years ago was about 30 I think. My granddad's brother died when he was in his late 20s and his sister when she was nine, death was just absolutely everywhere. That's without factoring in the two world wars, the blitz etc. 

More than that, if any of the other millions of sperm reached the egg on that fateful night, you wouldn’t be you. 

[SasaS]

5 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

More than that, if any of the other millions of sperm reached the egg on that fateful night, you wouldn’t be you. 

And even more than that, in every ejaculation of every ancestor it always had to be the right sperm.

[Mudface]

Just go with a variant of the Anthropic Principle- if all these countless improbable things hadn't happened, you wouldn't be here to wonder how the fuck you came to be. 

[Section_31]

1 hour ago, SasaS said:

And even more than that, in every ejaculation of every ancestor it always had to be the right sperm.

I read a thing a while back that pregnancy levels are dropping because more lads are watching porn and jizz on their birds' faces, bellies, backsides etc. There's a problem the Cosmos didn't anticipate. 

[Geoff Woade]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

I read a thing a while back that pregnancy levels are dropping because more lads are watching porn and jizz on their birds' faces, bellies, backsides etc. There's a problem the Cosmos didn't anticipate. 

And that the women have turned the tables and got into pegging. They won’t be happy till it’s the men having babies. Bastards.

[Rico1304]

25 minutes ago, Geoff Woade said:

And that the women have turned the tables and got into pegging. They won’t be happy till it’s the men having babies. Bastards.

If you said men can’t have babies on Twitter you could get banned. 

[Geoff Woade]

19 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

If you said men can’t have babies on Twitter you could get banned. 

The only online damage anyone could do me is if they nicked my call of duty account. If you’re a bloke who wants to have a baby have at it as far as I’m concerned. I won’t be volunteering though. 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Geoff Woade said:

The only online damage anyone could do me is if they nicked my call of duty account. If you’re a bloke who wants to have a baby have at it as far as I’m concerned. I won’t be volunteering though. 

How can you volunteer to have babies when you cant have babies? Wheres the foetus gonna gestate you gonna keep it in a box? 

[Mudface]

It's symbolic.

[Bobby Hundreds]

19 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

How can you volunteer to have babies when you cant have babies? Wheres the foetus gonna gestate you gonna keep it in a box? 

Are you saying men can't have babies... are you saying men born in a female body aren't really men! That's a can of worms you're playing with.

[Geoff Woade]

11 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

How can you volunteer to have babies when you cant have babies? Wheres the foetus gonna gestate you gonna keep it in a box? 

Stop poking holes in my boat! I’m trying to signal how much I’m happy to let people get on with what they want. 
I’ll let the boffins sort the actual details.

[Tony Moanero]

[Rico1304]

 

[Rico1304]

On 17/08/2020 at 13:17, Rico1304 said:

Anyone slagging off Dolly should be pealed and dropped in a barrel of salt. 

https://www.glamour.com/story/dolly-parton-you-sang-my-song

[lifetime fan]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

 

I used to work with and bummed her sister. 

I also have a lesbian married cousin with two kids. I’m a proper snowflake. 

[A Red]

22 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Fucking hell. It's like that clown Toby Young whose dad had to get him into uni by making a few phone calls.

 

Despite having everything going for him since birth, he still almost fucked it up. But no, tis hard work that brings success and poverty means you must be a layabout. 

Jeremy Corbyn

[Anubis]

Fox is just a useless cunt who has cottoned on that for the next few years there may be an easy way to earn a bob or two from gullible Brexit fuckwits by pandering to them and charging them for the privilege. If the little prick was run over tomorrow everyone would have forgotten about him within a week. Even his kids.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

9 hours ago, A Red said:

Jeremy Corbyn

You are Nummer Neunzehn and I claim my  £5.