The most Drunk you have ever been

[Moctezuma]

I'm sure this thread has been done before but fuck it.

 

There are numerous times I’ve been so drunk I couldn’t remember anything/get horrible recall months/year down the line. Some that come to mind are-

 

A two day hangover when I was 17 from drinking 13 pints in very quick succession and boasting to some girl I fancied in front of a packed pub that I could “Take her anywhere she wanted to go!” (I couldn’t drive at the time). I then promptly fell down some stairs according to mates and was driven back home in one of their dad’s cars having to stop on numerous occasions to be sick on the way.

 

Whilst there were times at University where I was horrifically mauled, in general I could remember them, normally involving visits from the polis and throwing things out of windows. Once my flatmates had to look after me due to a binge around a certain sporting event (which wasn’t aided by a shot competition with a barmaid), they had a maths exam the next day and weren’t exactly happy about peeling me off the pavement outside after one of the hotties next door had told them “I think your friend might be outside in a pool of his own sick”. I had no idea how I’d got back there until I was informed by my friends I’d been out with that I had stolen a child’s tricycle and had ridden it across the meadows at which point they had lost me.

 

Recently I had another run in where I initially thought I’d have a quick pint with a work mate after work but prior to a swim. One led to two, two led to three, three led to four etc. plus a bottle of red wine that I never drink.

 

I woke up on a verge of a road in an industrial estate South of London, I had lost all my belongings (passport/work passes/some of the contents of my wallet/swimming gear/usb drive with all my holiday photos) with the exception of my phone which had run out of battery. I stumbled around for a few miles until I found a petrol station. The attendant called me a cab who kicked me out near Victoria when he realised I had no money. I then boarded a night bus and fell asleep and woke up in a depot in North London, I had to walk back home. When I got in my girlfriend was seriously angry/concerned, I thought I had been texting her all night telling her where I was and what I would do to her when I got back home, turned out I’d been sending it to the 17 year old work experience lad instead.

 

Anyone else plummed the depths of forgotten drunkeness only to find out what happened later?

[Bjornebye]

I once got so drunk in my kitchen that my mates had to throw water on me because I was lay on the floor spewing and crying with brothers in arms by dire straits playing. Loud. Telling them all I used to be a marine and they 'will never understand'. Apparently id been necking run from the bottle. Bad tithead behaviour. Or bad Turdseye behaviour should I say. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Can't remember.

[ZonkoVille77]

Day after an all nighter, kept drinking through the night and then had to get a bus home the following day. So pissed I fell down the stairs of a double decker bus.

 

Went out after work one Friday night and got so fucked up on pills and speed and ended up going til Sunday morning in the same clothes. I fell and broke a finger but didn't realise til I sobered up.

 

Once drank a bottle of Southern Comfort after 2 pints of Guinness and passed out on the street apparently telling the copper who was trying to move me that I was sleeping with his missus.

 

I have more. I was an awful drunk cunt until I hit 24.

[Bruce Spanner]

She was called Julie, the nightmares won't go away, I can still taste he occasionally.

 

Never have been, or will again be, that drunk.

 

Edit: Fuck, it's all coming back now. The lube, the wrinkles, the 'sexy' talk, the state of the house, the kid who kept banging on the door as he asked 'who that mummy, my new dad?', her reply 'shut the fuck up, Harry'. The smell, oh the fucking smell! I'm not sure what's worse the deed done or knocking in to a mate as I was running away in the middle of the night and ending up in another club still smelling of her and her pigsty of a home. I need the bleach again!

[Fowlers God]

Can't remember.

We can!

[Jairzinho]

Last year was close. Having to stop having sex to be sick wasn't a huge highlight in my life.

[VladimirIlyich]

Last year was close. Having to stop having sex to be sick wasn't a huge highlight in my life.

I have the same problem but I keep telling the missus to lay off the spirits!

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I've been in some states over the period of my drinking life, I however always find my way home and make it to bed. Before getting married I have awoke in the bed of some horror who looked prettier the night before, one of those occasions where you'd rather chew your arm off than awake the ugly bitch lying on it. The last time I was sick was in the late 90's after a mate and myself quaffed two bottles of vodka and a crate of beer between us, I'm sure the greasy Kebab was to blame as well. 

 

The best session I have ever had was whilst stationed in Canada with the Army. We started off with 20 lads on a Monday and the rules were you could only sleep at Dinner time and on the 30km trip into town and on the way back via the bus which was laid on for the civilian workers but which we could also use. The numbers were whittled down over the week and Scouse Elliot and myself managed it through to the Sunday. We were in fucking bits and fell asleep in the Sin Bin (local shit hole of a night club but great for picking up mucky women) and were promptly arrested and thrown into the drunk tank. They had to call the doctors out the next morning as they couldn't wake us up. Cost me a fucking fortune that and I was also demoted. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Last year was close. Having to stop having sex to be sick wasn't a huge highlight in my life.

First time I met my bird we met up in Manchester, stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights. We'd been talking on the phone for months beforehand like, all the jarg about what I'm gonna do to you when I see you and all that. First night we went out, got pissed up, had a sniff, then went at it until we fell asleep. Sound. Next morning we started banging again and the motion was too much for my fragile little stomach. Mid-shag I said "You'll have to excuse me for a minute, I'm going in there to throw up." I brushed my teeth afterwards and hopped straight back on. I knew then that she was a keeper.

[Jairzinho]

First time I met my bird we met up in Manchester, stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights. We'd been talking on the phone for months beforehand like, all the jarg about what I'm gonna do to you when a see you and all that. First night we went out, got pissed up, had a sniff, then went at it until we fell asleep. Sound. Next morning we started banging again and the motion was too much for my fragile little stomach. Mid-shag I said "You'll have to excuse me for a minute, I'm going in there to throw up." I brushed my teeth afterwards and hopped straight back on. I knew then that she was a keeper.

 

Same. Apart from the keeper bit.

[Captain Turdseye]

Same. Apart from the keeper bit.

What was she? A centre back?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I once fell asleep whilst getting a blow job off this Irish bint I copped off with, she was mortified and kept asking me what she had done wrong. 

[Jairzinho]

What was she? A centre back?

 

Hooker.

[Rico1304]

On the third day of my stag do I tried to use an imaginary cash point. I got my card out, placed it in the slot (that wasn't there and card fell in the floor), put my number in and then started booting the imaginary machine when my money didn't come out. Luckily my mate saw it all and picked me and my card up.

[Tyler Durden]

Countless times down the years I've been in a bad way, I've probably been drunker but the time I went out to play snooker on a work night. Ended up bladdered, getting threw out of Wonderland in concert square and bundled down 3 flights of stairs during a brawl.

 

Can't remember nothing after that until me dad found me on the step asleep when he was going out the door to work the next day and had to drag me indoors to the couch, I'd lost my house keys, car keys and my phone. The fact I only had one set of car keys was the biggest headache, it cost me a fucking fortune to first get a locksmith out who got in but couldn't get it started, then I had to get it towed to The Ford garage who had to recode it and give me a new set of keys.

 

Still never learnt my lesson though, one thing I never have a problem with though is getting home no matter how fucked up I get.

[General Dryness]

I'm been blootered loads of times, but I can't remember a time when I did anything I couldn't remember. Ironically enough.

 

I did, however, once play a gig I can't remember. That was down to acid rather than alcohol though.

 

I won't go into the hilarious comedy of errors that led to me being on stage holding a bass guitar whilst tripping off my nut, suffice to say I thought I played a blinder considering. Found out the next day that I occasionally meandered into different songs in the middle of other ones, but was brought back into line by the singer shouting at me. And occasionally flicking beer in my direction. Can't remember any of it to this day.

[stringvest]

You know you've overstepped the mark when you wake up and find out someone else has shit in your pants.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Last year I had to have a crap in the street on my way home.

 

Wasn't especially pissed though.

[Captain Turdseye]

Last year I had to have a crap in the street on my way home.

 

Wasn't especially pissed though.

Never told anyone this before. A few hours after Mr Gerrard performed those heroics in 2006, I found myself outside my uncles house in Speke where I was supposed to be staying that night. We'd left the boozer together but for some reason I'd kept walking while he went to the offy. Was locked out and on the verge of shitting myself so I jumped the back fence and curled one out in the long grass in his garden. I often wonder if he found it and marvelled at the size of the cats in the neighbourhood.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Never told anyone this before. A few hours after Mr Gerrard performed those heroics in 2006, I found myself outside my uncles house in Speke where I was supposed to be staying that night. We'd left the boozer together but for some reason I'd kept walking while he went to the offy. Was locked out and on the verge of shitting myself so I jumped the back fence and curled one out in the long grass in his garden. I often wonder if he found it and marvelled at the size of the cats in the neighbourhood.

 

[Kevin D]

This thread is a disgrace.

[Dr Nowt]

No-one is bigger than the pub.

[Lightforce]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfkhk7LSfXs

[sir roger]

Went out for my 21st and ended up waking up by the Penny Farthing in one of those round bins they used to have with cockleshells on the outside. Was the next Tuesday before I could actually straighten up completely.

 

Once woke up in the middle of the night and I had a bullworker down my boxer shorts. Had presumably tried to do my normal  exercises before I jumped into bed but how it got down the leg of my bills is another matter.