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The first game of this round of fixtures saw Norwich lose yet again. This time Burnley were the ones benefitting from the Canaries’ generosity. Norwich had two players sent off in the first half and scored an own goal in the second. Buendia was a little unfortunate as although he did leave a gentle elbow on Westwood, he was needled into it and the Burnley man made a huge meal of it. And here was me thinking Burnley’s players weren’t allowed to do that because it goes against the moral code of St Sean. Some other bum then saw red for an over the ball tackle and then Wood opened the scoring with an overhead kick. Godfrey put one in his own net and a season that started so promisingly (remember them beating City?) is ending pathetically. Bournemouth look like they’ll be joining them in the Championship now after a home loss to Southampton on Tuesday. They started the game really well and had their chances before falling behind to goal number 21 on the season for Ingsy. Goal number 22 should have followed soon after but he missed a pen after Harry Wilson had handled. Harry just hasn’t got going since the restart has he? He missed two good chances to equalise as did fellow sub Solanke, but it looked like a third sub, Sam Surridge, had equalised in the fourth minute of stoppage time. VAR ruled it out for offside against Callum Wilson, and Southampton rubbed salt in the wounds when Che Adams made it 2-0 with the last kick of the game. They need a miracle now. Spurs’ win over Leicester was a weird one. 3-0 suggests they were comfortably the better side but Leicester had 71% possession, 24 shots to 7 and 13 corners versus just four from Spurs. You wonder how that’s possible, then you look at who the two managers are and those numbers all make perfect sense. Will Brendan ever figure out how to beat this negative cunt? The goals all came from counter attacks against the run of pay, but you get the feeling that’s exactly how Mourinho drew it up. Still, 29% in a home game is not going to fly when fans are back in the stadium. Mourinho must be loving this as he can be as negative as he likes and there’s no-one there to complain. Son’s off target shot was deflected in by young Leicester full back James Justin and then two brilliantly taken goals by Kane finished them off. Had Leicester managed a goal of their own they may have been able to appeal this result as you could make a strong argument that Kane’s goals shouldn’t count due to this social media post made by him this week. Honestly, what the fuck?? Surely some sort of points deduction is justified here? Leicester looked to have it sewn up prior to lockdown but since the restart they’ve found it difficult due to injuries. The lack of squad depth has really hurt them. They’ve really missed Ricardo while recently Chilwell has also been out. Now Soyuncu is suspended and they’ve got some bum who was out of his depth at Norwich playing in a back three with 92 year old Wes Morgan. It’s easy to criticise Rodgers but in fairness we wouldn’t be the same without Trent and Robbo. Leicester’s full backs are a huge part of how they play and that’s as big a reason as any why they go into the last game of the season in 5th place and in danger of losing the Champions League spot they had done so well to be in for virtually the whole season. I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope they fucking smash the mancs everywhere this Sunday. There could have been another top four head to head game this weekend too if only Wolves had picked up just one more point. They’d have been facing Chelsea this weekend knowing that victory would secure a place in the Champions League. But they didn’t pick up that one extra point so fuck them. Yeah I haven’t forgotten their fans being massive knobheads on the final day of last season. That being said, they might still get in via the Europa League, which I’m ok with as it would mean United not winning it. Ideally Stevie will pull off a miracle with Rangers. Yeah I know, no chance, but just imagine if he beat United. It’d be one of the funniest things ever. Wolves beat Palace 2-0 with goals from Podence and Johnny. My boy Adama was in scintillating form and Palace couldn’t cope with him. They aren’t the first and they won’t be the last. Palace had gotten themselves within smelling distance of a European spot a few weeks back and they’ve since lost seven on the spin. I have a sneaky feeling Hodgson will call it a day now. He should do, because he’s done a top job there all things considered but it’s only heading in one direction now. No doubt Zaha will be angling for a move and it will be interesting to see if anyone other than Everton wants him this year. All depends on the price tag really, and with most teams likely to be skint this summer it seems likely that he’ll have to stay put. Elsewhere, Brighton and Newcastle played out a goalless draw at the Amex. I have nothing else to say about that, because why would I? Amazon Prime had Sheffield United v Everton. They tried to plug it as though they’d actually got something worth watching. It’s pathetic really. Like getting the rights to Wimbledon, making a big song and dance about it and then having to show a 1st round mixed doubles match that no-one gives a fuck about. I can’t understand why anyone other than Sheffield United and Everton fans would watch that. The viewing figures must have been miniscule. For anyone who’s interested, the Blues won 1-0 with a goal from Richarlison who managed to stay off the floor just long enough to head in a free-kick from the original Bruno Fernandez, Gylfi Sigurdsson. I totally called Villa beating Arsenal. Admittedly I said it would be coming off the back of Arsenal getting spanked by City in the cup, which incredibly didn’t happen, but I looked at Villa’s remaining fixtures in comparison to Watford’s and I liked Villa’s chances of staying up. I like them much more after what happened this week. Trezeguet got the only goal of the game and Villa were just about good value for it. They’ve been playing alright since the restart even if results weren’t great. Recently they’ve been scrambling some points together and incredibly they go into the final game having moved out of the relegation zone on goal difference. That was such a huge win for Villa and they’ve got all the momentum now for their last game against West Ham. I wouldn’t bet on them winning it but they might not need to. They’ve given themselves a great chance to stay up now and you know what, I hope they do. Because as much as I’ve wanted Villa down since the moment they came back up, I have to say right now, fuck Watford, the manager sacking whoppers. If anyone truly deserves to go down it’s them. Sacking Pearson with two games left is just bonkers. No other word for it. They haven’t been on a great run but what benefit is there in doing this now? Pearson’s record is better than any of his recent predecessors and they had more chance of surviving with him than without him. If they wanted to fuck him off at the end of the season that would have been fine, but doing it now is just stupid and irresponsible and deserves relegation. One rumour was that he had some sort of confrontation with the players after they lost to West Ham last week. Another was that he had a bust up with the sporting director. Given that all of the players and the sporting director are still alive and haven’t been gutted like fish with Pearson’s hunting knife, I think we can safely dismiss those rumours. If there was any truth in them at all then the Watford dressing room would have looked like a scene from First Blood. It’s genuinely one of the most ridiculous moves I can ever remember a club making. When Pearson took over they were virtually dead and buried. The fact they even have a chance to stay up is because of him. Marco Silva, Javi Gracia and Quique Sanchez Flores are all no doubt sitting by the phone with a list of wage demands at the ready. If Watford go I certainly won’t miss them. City hammering Watford is as close to a guaranteed result as you’ll ever get, which is another reason to want the fuckers relegated. I mean, these clowns gave us a beatdown to (deservedly) ruin our unbeaten season but look what happens whenever they face City. Since they were promoted the aggregate score in games they’ve had with City is 46-4!! It’s 18-0 for the last three games alone. It’s incredible. So hopefully in a few days time I’m writing “off you fuck, Watford”. I see that Sterling took a penalty in that game because “it would be massive for a winger to score 20 goals in the Premier League”. Newsflash pal, Salah is on the brink of doing it for the third year in a row and Mané has done it as well. In fairness, I doubt that is on Sterling’s mind. It’ll be the off the books bonus he’ll be getting for it. He missed the pen which will have surprised nobody but he scored the rebound so got away with it. Honestly, he’d be the last player in the league I’d want taking a penalty for me. I’m not exaggerating. He’s a top player and I’m not going to deny that just because I don’t like him, but when it comes to penalties he’s quite literally the last player I’d want taking one. Speaking of penalties, United didn’t get one this week and they didn’t win. Co-incidence? I think not. They did concede one though, in the most hilarious of circumstances. Imagine your star player doing that? Isn’t he the captain too? Or did they take it off him and give it to Maguire? Doesn’t really matter because when you watch the video of it Maguire is doing the exact same thing as Pogba, he’s just fortunate that Pogba got in the way. The free frame of the incident shows that three United players are fucking petrified of getting hit with the ball. It’s times like these when Roy Keane is badly missed. I don’t mean on the pitch, I don’t give a fuck about that. No, I mean in the studio. I’d have loved to have seen his live reaction to that. In fact, imagine if Souness was there alongside him? I think the only way to ensure this doesn’t happen again is for Sky to have both of them in studio for every single game that Pogba is playing in. West Ham weren’t even taking the game seriously, as shown when regular spot kick specialist Noble let Antonio take the pen. Antonio later revealed that Noble said before the game “you’re on nine goals and I want you to reach double figures because of how well you’ve played, so you can have any pen we get”. In fairness he put it away very well, but it just shows that West Ham weren’t really too arsed. Yet despise this, United were in serious danger of losing to David Moyes before Greenwood equalised. For all the eulogising over Pogba, Martial and Fernandez, Greenwood is the one genuine superstar talent they have over there. The two points dropped meant that we could beat Chelsea without helping United too much in the process. For them it all comes down to a one off game at Leicester now. Win or draw and they’re in, lose and they’re down to fifth as long as Chelsea don’t fuck it up against Wolves (which I wouldn’t rule out). Really want United to miss out for so many reasons, but mainly so I can see @RobbieOR bust out his regular “United are back lads. Back in fifth place” tweet. Final point on this week. You may have missed this but I couldn’t let it go as it wound me right up. Jon Moss actually has ‘Mossy’ inscribed on his boots. This is worse than that time Michael Oliver had tramlines shaved into his head. There’s nothing more cringey than a referee trying to be cool. You’re not cool. If you were cool you’d be playing. Referees aren’t cool so just accept that. Here’s the thing, I often chastise myself for slating refs because it really is an incredibly tough job and I couldn’t do it. It’s the easiest thing in the world to sag off referees and we all do it to some degree, but it really is an incredibly tough job. As a rule I try not to be too insulting towards them unless there’s good reason (I’m not saying I succeed at this, just that I do try), which is usually related to them being arrogant in some way shape or form, or if they show a clear bias towards one team or against ours. Despite him repeatedly awarding penalties to United I’ve occasionally felt bad about constantly ripping Moss and calling him “Fat Jon Moss”, but when I saw ‘Mossy’ on his boots my reaction was….

Ok so NOW it feels real. We may have won it weeks ago but I wasn’t really completely feeling it until now. I knew we were Champions and I saw how ecstatic people were, but I wasn’t quite there. Not sure why. A few things I suppose. Partly because this thing had essentially been sewn up since December. Partly because of the enforced break that halted the procession. Partly because we couldn’t be there in person to see it. But on reflection, I think it’s mostly because I’ve forgotten what winning the league is like and how it’s supposed to feel. I was a teenager when we last won it and I don’t really remember much about it other than it was business as usual. It’s completely different to winning other trophies though. Unless of course it goes down to the last day and it all hinges on a one off game, in which case it’s basically the same as any other trophy success. Over the last 30 years we’ve had plenty of trophies to celebrate but every one of those either involved being at a final in person or watching it in the City Centre with mates. When you win those, celebrating is easy. You know how to feel as you’re swept up in the moment. This was different. We didn’t even win it on the pitch. It was clinched when City lost at Chelsea and could therefore no longer catch us. That turned out great for the lads because they were able to watch that game together and go nuts afterwards. For us fans though, it was strange. We didn’t have that focal point. That one game where it happened and we could all celebrate afterwards. Even without Covid it wouldn’t have been the same as when you actually win a final, but to have this in the middle of a pandemic just killed the party mood. At least for me anyway. I just wasn’t as ecstatic as I always imagined I would be when it finally happened. Now I feel it though. This is what it needed to become real for me. Seeing them lift the trophy brought it all to life. Obviously I feel robbed of the opportunity to see it happen live but that’s something beyond everybody’s control. For now at least. In fairness to everyone involved, I thought this went as well as it possibly could without any fans inside the stadium. I’m not even arsed about Coldplay because to tell you the truth I didn’t even notice it. Did they even play it? I suppose that’s the thing with Coldplay, they’re not very noticeable as they’re so fucking bland (apart from Viva La Vida which is the exception that proves the rule). It felt great seeing the lads with their medals and the trophy and now it’s finally hit home that we are Champions. Champions of England. Champions of Europe (for a few more weeks at least). Champions of the World. We’re currently the Champions of everything and we should savour this because we’ve never done it before and might never do it again. Then again, we might. Who knows? As for the game itself, it was a cracker. Chelsea are not too dissimilar to what we were a few years ago. Great going forward, some very talented players but defensively vulnerable and with big questions marks over the goalkeeper. The biggest difference is we had Klopp to put that right whereas they have Lampard, who is still very much an unknown quantity. Chelsea started the game well and had a couple of good situations they could have made more of. They wasted them and within the blink of an eye they were 3-0 down. It all seemed to happen very quickly but in that spell we played some great stuff. We went ahead when Keita won the ball and then lashed one in off the bar from 18 yards. He’s good at that. Not so much the lashing one in from 18 yards, but generally just being a fucking pest and nicking the ball off people. He just seems very good at getting himself in the way, which must be due to good anticipation. So anyway, he wins the ball, advances to the edge of the box and lets fly. They always look better when they go in off the bar and it’s a great goal. If that goes in against us though I’m looking at my keeper. Maybe that’s harsh, but look at Kepa’s pitiful attempt to stop it. Why is he going for it with his right hand and not his left? Because he’s shite, that’s why. It’s funny really. Alisson was once the most expensive keeper and Van Dijk was the most expensive defender. Now it’s Kepa and Harry fucking Maguire! Crazy. I thought Kepa should have done better on the second goal too. I’m not saying he should definitely have saved it but he should be getting a lot closer than that. It’s basically the exact same goal Trent scored against Palace. It’s identical. Same spot on the pitch, exact same strike and it hits the net in the very same spot. The Palace keeper at least got close to it and he didn’t have the benefit of having seen it before. Kepa should have known where that was going, yet there he was stood there, flat footed, nowhere near it. Shite that. Chelsea had felt aggrieved at the decision to award us that free-kick and Lampard ended up in a big row with Klopp and the rest of our bench. Because there are no fans in the stadium one of the journalists in the press area was able to film the entire exchange and picked up everything that was said. Lots of ‘facking this’ and ‘facking that’ from Lampard while Klopp kept telling him to ‘calm down’. When you’re riled up is there anything more fucking infuriating than some patronising cunt telling you to calm down? Hilarious, Klopp was driving him mad. Lampard is a cheeky fat cunt though. Seemingly telling Klopp “first title you’ve ever won and you’re giving it the big ‘un”. I’d like to think he was directing that at someone else because it isn’t Klopp’s first title and one thing you’ll never see Klopp doing is getting above his station. Not his style at all. It seems Lampard’s real beef was with Ljinders and that’s almost certainly who he was referring to afterwards when he said some people are getting arrogant after winning the title. It also explains why Ljinders ran on the pitch to celebrate when the free-kick went in! It’s obvious what started it. Our bench will have gone mad at the challenge because it looked dangerous. I can also see why Lampard didn’t think it was a foul though. Klopp and his staff wouldn’t have liked it because it was an aggressive looking challenge and he went right through the back of Sadio. Lampard will say he got the ball first. Both are correct. The general consensus seems to be that it wasn’t a foul. Not sure I agree with that. Look, to me that’s a good tackle but all I’m saying is that in the modern game there will be more refs who give a foul for that than there will be ones who let it go. You can’t really tackle that anymore, whether you or I agree or not. So Lampard can stick his anger up his fat arse (yeah yeah I know he’s not fat, that’s what has always made the ‘Fat Frank’ thing so funny). It was another great strike by Trent though, who hasn’t looked back since the kick up the arse I gave him after the derby when I said he wasn’t all that at free-kicks. Sometimes you need that. Naby’s form has also improved since I questioned him. And then it was 3-0. Robbo’s corner wasn’t dealt with by Chelsea and while everyone else seemed to be appealing for handball Gini just smashed the ball in. At this stage it was looking like we’d completely humiliate Chelsea but they pulled one back just before half time and that stopped our momentum. Good goal to be fair. It’s hard to defend that simply because that one unexpected flick by Alonso completely takes everyone out of the game. Brilliant by him. Alisson’s save was stunning but it won’t be remembered because sadly the long (and no doubt extremely well groomed and waxed) leg of Giroud got to the rebound first to prod the ball over the line. That goal gave Chelsea a lifeline but then guess what, Bobby actually scored at Anfield in the league! Made up for him as nobody wanted him to go through the season with that record. He saw a perfectly good goal disallowed against United so it’s only right that he managed to avoid going goalless at home. Lovely goal it was too. Stunning delivery from Trent and a good header from Bobby. You could see how much it meant to him and I’m sure all the lads knew about the unwanted record too. We had chances to extend the lead but then the substitutions started coming and the game suddenly became ridiculously open. We took off Gini and Naby and sent on Milner and Jones. Chelsea brought on Abraham, Hudson-Adoi and Pulisic and all of a sudden they looked like they were going to score with every attack We should have been well out of sight by then anyway, but wasteful Mo showed up for this one, which was a real shame because finishing aside he was boss and gave Rudiger the run around all night. Maybe if he’d brought his right foot with him he’d have had at least a couple. Even Virg was taking the piss out of him afterwards, saying “Didn’t you want to score tonight, Mo?” It frustrates me so much when he runs around away from the ball to get on his left foot because his right foot is fine when he actually trusts himself to use it. It should also be pointed out that he seems to have become the victim of a new rule that says it's ok to grab, pull or bodycheck him any time he advances into the penalty area. I seem to remember similar happening at Stamford Bridge, where Chelsea decided the best way to stop Mo playing one twos around the box is to let him play the pass and then just flatten him. Rudiger did it twice in this game yet somehow it's being described on commentary as 'standing his ground'. Last time I checked, standing your ground wasn't taking a step to the left, into the path of another player, and bodychecking him. Opponents know now that they can do this without being called on it, as it's happening all the time. Chelsea just happen to be the most blatant exponents of it. Still, that just makes it all the more important that he makes the most of the clear chances he does get, and he failed to do that once again. I understand he's not going to score with every chance he gets, but his strike rate does seem to be really poor this season, especially since lockdown when he could easily have scored seven or eight. His profligacy looked like it might prove costly when ‘Eden Pulisic’ started running us ragged. I thought we’d seen the last of that shit when the tricky little Belgian fucker left but this brought back some unpleasant memories. He’d have been a good signing for us wouldn’t he, Pulisic? We made him look good though. The defending just went to pieces for a spell. Too much space appeared between the midfield and defence (possibly a result of Gini going off) while Trent and Gomez couldn’t cope with Pulisic. Chelsea got back to 4-2 when Pulisic skipped past three challenges and crossed for an Abraham tap in. He then missed a good chance when he got in behind Gomez but dragged a shot wide. The next chance he got he made no mistake. Gomez and Van Dijk went for the same ball and collided (defo Joe’s fault) which had us scrambling back. Trent tried to get across to cover Pulisic but sold himself too much and allowed him to turn and lash one in the top corner. Something that doesn’t seem to have been mentioned though is that Azpilacueta stole 20 yards on that throw in. Honestly, watch it back and it’s easily 20 yards, maybe more. The ball goes on level with the edge of the box and he takes the throw close to halfway. The goal comes directly from that. At this point I thought we’d concede another as we were all over the place, but the lads regrouped and defended pretty well after that. I wasn’t thinking this at 4-3 but now, knowing that it all ended well, I have to say that I did enjoy seeing the old roller coaster Reds again. I don’t want this every week but I have frequently bemoaned the fact that we were no longer quite as thrilling as we were a couple of years ago. Obviously I wouldn’t swap that for the stability and machine-like ability to win we have now, but there are times I get a little nostalgic for the thrill a minute, four or five goals a game Reds of the 17/18 season. So I did enjoy seeing this throwback performance, even though at 4-3 it wasn’t much fun. When Ox finally killed the game it just felt great and capped a memorable night. Grinding out a 1-0 and then lifting the trophy would have been sound, but this was better. And we wrapped it up with one of those goals I fucking love. Nothing compares to those fast break goals. There’s just nothing better. You rip the soul out of the opponent when you do that. They have an attacking set-piece and the hope that they might do something from it, then seconds later they’re picking it out of their own net wondering what hit them. Andy Robbo. What a man. He heads away the free-kick and then ten seconds later he’s putting in the cross for Ox to score. How does that even happen? He’s amazing. He isn’t talked about anywhere near enough for me. I mean yeah, he does get recognition and it seems like MOTD highlight him and Trent every other week. It’s not enough though. He’s so fucking good he should be everywhere. His face should be on a postage stamp and five pound notes. That goal was as important as a goal could be under the current circumstances. Technically there’s nothing to play for but these patchy results we’ve had lately have still been irritating and had we not beaten Chelsea it would have cast a slight shadow on the celebrations that followed. Not much of a shadow, as it doesn’t REALLY matter, but the lads lifting the trophy after a thrilling win will have given them a little bit more oomph in their celebrations. So that goal from Ox was a big one and it’s definitely top five for me this season. We’ve scored some great goals but I suspect this one will live longer in the memory than most because it came on the night we got the trophy. Plus it was a fucking phenomenal goal and summed up what this team is all about. Robbo running like that so late in the game when we’re in front and the title has been won weeks ago. He is the beating heart of this side and represents everything that you want your team to be. He has every single quality you would want, on and off the pitch. Most of the lads do though to be fair, but especially Robbo. He’s the most relatable in the entire squad. So now we have one more game. Away at Newcastle. I have no idea what to expect there as a lot will depend on how last night’s celebrations went. It’s easy enough to motivate players when there are seven games left and they haven’t had the trophy or their medals yet, but this one is much more tricky. I doubt anyone really gives a shit about it now. I’d prefer to win, that goes without saying, and even a draw would do because it would match last season’s points tally. That won’t matter to a lot of people but it does to me. I think I might be a little OCD about this because picking up less points than last year would bother me far more than it should. I know it doesn’t matter one jot, yet the thought of finishing one point less than a year ago would weigh on my mind. I wouldn’t be shocked if the lads went out there and just had nothing left though. Who could blame them if that’s the case? They’ve worked so hard to reach their goal and now having got there it might be a case of them just not being able to switch back on for one more, ultimately meaningless game. If that happens I’m fine with it. There’ll be no histrionics from me like there was after the Arsenal game for example. Whatever happens on Sunday happens. I really hope Mo manages to get his goal to reach 20 for the season third season in a row though. That’s also irrationally important to me, probably that OCD again. Star man is Robbo but had Naby played ninety minutes then he’d have ran him close. Team: Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Gomez, Van Dijk, Robertson; Fabinho, Wijnaldum (Jones), Keita (Milner); Salah (Oxlade-Chamberlain), Firmino (Minamino), Mané (Origi):

Chelsea kicked things off for this round of fixtures with an unconvincing 1-0 win over already relegated Norwich. They never looked in danger of conceding but it hardly inspires any confidence they'll hold United off for a Champions League place. Giroud headed the only goal of the game. I said last week he’s never really been given the credit he deserves and he’s very under-rated. Gary Lineker then tweeted it. So if you’re reading this, Gary, feel free to use my “Portuguese Gylfi” line next time you’re talking about that Fernandez twat. Chelsea though. Fucking pricks, they’ve put us in a situation whereby beating them will almost certainly put United in the Champions League next season. I’m genuinely resentful over this. Chelsea should have wrapped this up weeks ago and we could have avoided this unpleasantness. I want us to beat them but it’s going to annoy me if we do because of the consequences. I wonder what will happen to Norwich over the next few weeks as they have some decent young players they might not be able to keep hold of. Aarons, Lewis and Cantwell might all be in demand this summer. Tim Krul is too good for the Championship as well. I’d actually take him over Adrian if he was available on the cheap. Krul is an ideal number two for a top club, assuming he's willing to accept that role. Maybe he just wants to play? He’s a bit of a knobhead like, but then so was Adrian. Speaking of knobheads, Man City beat Bournemouth 2-1 in a surprisingly competitive game. Having gone 2-0 up I’m sure we all expected them to go on and get five again, but Bournemouth gave it a right good go. David Silva put City in front with a quality free-kick. Keeper shouldn’t be getting beat like that though. Wasn’t even in the corner. Stanislas went within a whisker of an equaliser with a free-kick of his own that was tipped onto the post by Ederson. It bounced back off the post, hit his stupid fucking head and hit the post again before bouncing clear. That free-kick incidentally came about when Solanke dribbled past Otamendi and was brought down. You know how they keep stats on who has dribbled past Van Dijk and it’s seen as a badge of honour? They need to do the reverse on Otamendi. Anyone who hasn’t dribbled past that shit cunt needs to be named and shamed. Bournemouth were piling on the pressure now and Solanke and Billing both went close before Jesus jinked his way into the box past a couple of defenders to make it 2-0. King thought he’d pulled a goal back when he tapped in at the back post but the linesman’s flag went up. He looked a mile off at normal speed but the replay showed it was incredibly close. Not close enough though and VAR disallowed it. I’m not just saying this because it’s City but I don’t know how you can determine that this is offside. The freeze-frame isn’t accurate enough to prove one way or another because this was literally millimetres between King’s toe and Stones’ heel. If you were to take that back a frame or two then he’s onside, so this is the problem I have with it. Are they freezing the shot at the moment they *think* Stanislas makes contact with the ball or the moment they *think* it leaves his foot? And either way, you can’t get it right to the exact split second. Tell you what though, it looks like it was going in anyway and King didn’t need to touch it. I'd be pissed off I were Stanislas. Bournemouth were all over them though and that Dan Gosling jabroni had an effort cleared off the line by Gundogan. Then Lee Mason from Manchester awarded City a pen when Jesus went down under a challenge from Cook. To be fair, it looked like a pen at normal speed and it’s only when you look at the slo mo you can see Cook took the ball first. VAR over ruled it and said no pen, which was probably the correct call but still annoyed me anyway because we’ve seen so many terrible decisions not changed, so why overturn this one when it was nowhere as bad a decision as others we see week in week out? Callum Wilson fired just wide as Bournemouth continued to push forward. Brooks eventually got them the goal they deserved late on and Wilson fluffed a good chance in stoppage time to equalise. They look like they’ve finally rediscovered some form but it may have come too late. They had 14 attempts to City’s 8, which takes some doing. Final one on this, you know who I have an irrational hatred of these days? Rodolfo Borrell. I can’t stand the cunt. By all accounts he’s a top fella and was very popular when he ran our Academy, but every time I see him stood next to that baldy bastard on the touchline I instinctively mutter “fuck off you, you fat prick”. It’s the Guardiola effect. I despise Arteta for the same reason. And I’m starting to warm to Mourinho just because he clearly hates Guardiola. Don’t get me wrong, I still want Spurs to lose most weeks but I just don’t have it in me to hate arl Jose these days. I reserve the right to change my mind at any point, but for now he’s alright because he thinks Pep is a cunt. Spurs had a good win this week away at Newcastle and have somehow sneaked up to 7th spot. Son put them ahead only for Richie to lash one in from the corner of the box. Hell of a strike, he should score far more goals than he does as he’s a tidy player. I actually think he once had ‘my boy’ status when he was at Bournemouth but I might be mistaken. Kane headed Spurs back in front almost immediately with his 200th career goal. That’s a seriously impressive number for someone who wasn’t a teenage star like an Owen, Rooney or Fowler. He came from nowhere really and hasn’t stopped scoring - or diving, or slobbering - ever since. He added goal number 201 with a close range header. One of the many things I can’t stand about Kane is his habit of answering questions by starting with “yeah no”. It doesn’t bother me as much as his face, voice, hair, chin or diving, but it does annoy me. Mourinho said afterwards “If I was selfish I would tell you that since I came here we are fourth, but I am not selfish I am Tottenham”. Brilliant, the arl say it without saying it routine. Right up there with the “I’m not the type of guy to say I told you so, but if I were then I’d be saying I told you so”. Kept a straight face too. He’s a funny guy. At least he’s funny when he’s 38 points behind us and not really on our radar. If he ever becomes relevant again he'll no longer be amusing. Wolves have completely imploded lately and blown what looked like a good chance of getting top four. The only team they’ve beaten lately are the Blueshite who have been on their holidays since they drew with us. Jiminez brilliantly volleyed them into the lead at Burnley following an explosive burst from my boy Adama but Burnley levelled in controversial circumstances six minutes into stoppage time. Mike Dean gave handball against Doherty and it defo did hit him on the arm, but the main reason he handled it was because he turned his head away from the boot of Chris Wood who attempted and whiffed at an overhead kick. You simply can’t give a pen for that as it’s dangerous play by Wood. Doherty thought he was going to get booted in the face and he instinctively brought up his arm which caused him to inadvertently handle. Kevin Friend on the VAR backed up his mate though and Wood emphatically buried the pen. Smashed it right in the top corner. Great pen. Wolves got screwed though, not for the first time this season. Thankfully Leicester bounced back from their defeat at Bournemouth with a 2-0 win over Sheffield United. Along with Chelsea they’ve been doing their best to open the top four door for the Mancs so this was an important win to keep them hanging on in there. Brendan is still fucking about with his formation though. Remember what got you there in the first place, don’t get too clever. That loser Ayoze Perez broke the deadlock with a low shot from just inside the box. Vardy the hit the post and then put a chance on a plate for Barnes who shot straight at Henderson. A few minutes he did the same again, and once more Barnes shot straight at the keeper. Vardy then teed up Tielemans who also shot straight at the keeper. By this point if I’m Vardy I’m thinking ‘fuck all these losers I’m not passing anymore”. But Vardy is a bigger man than me and he then created a chance for Demarai Gray, who succeeded where the others had failed and made it 2-0 late on. Chris Wilder was brutally honest afterwards, saying “We never deserved anything. I was delighted it was only 1-0 going into the last ten minutes and it would have been the biggest smash and grab there has ever been if we’d got an equaliser because we never deserved it from the first minute to the 94th”. Biggest smash and grab there’s ever been? It wouldn’t have even been the biggest one of this week. He clearly didn’t see what happened at the Emirates the night before. There was more official assisted success for United this week as they somehow escaped from Selhurst Park with three points despite being outplayed for long spells. Palace were denied a clear penalty when Lindelof clumsily impeded Zaha. Here’s the thing about this. I’m always taking the piss about the amount of penalties Palace get. They get them all the time, but when United come to town suddenly it’s a different story. United then immediately went up the other end and scored through Rashford. Disgraceful scenes. Ayew equalised when he arrived at the back post to meet Zaha’s cross. VAR said otherwise. Another one decided by a toenail, and I refer you what I said earlier about how easily manipulated these things are when it comes to the point of contact with the ball. Pretty sure they could just as easily freeze frame that to show Ayew onside. The whole system is shite and open to manipulation. Martial wrapped it up late on with a lovely goal but yet again all the decisions have gone their way. Have a look at this… But yeah, LiVARpool and all that. Villa are still just about hanging on in there after a draw at Goodison. That’s a game they needed to win as Everton have had the deckchairs out for weeks. They took the lead late on through Konsa and Elghazi should made it safe soon after but missed from two yards out. That proved costly as that bum Walcott headed an equaliser three minutes from time. Could be massive that, as Villa should have won easily. They’ve let in too many goals this season but they have tightened up recently. Their problem is all of the centre forwards they’ve used are shite. They don’t have a goalscorer. Remember when Benteke kept them up virtually singlehandedly for about three years? Maybe he needs to go back there to try and rekindle some kind of form, as he’s been dogshit at Palace. Elsewhere, Maupay put Brighton in front at St Mary’s with a tidy finish but Ings levelled to keep himself in with a shout of the Golden Boot. Lovely goal. Great run and cool finish. He also hit the post and had one disallowed for a close offside call. He’s absolute dynamite at the moment. Finally, I’ve saved the worst until last. West Ham are safe now after a comfortable win over Watford, who are still in a spot of bother. Antonio’s snapshot went through the legs of Foster to set the Hammers on their way. Soucek added the second with a diving header. Like I said last week, this fucker seems to score every week yet I’d barely even heard of him prior to lockdown. Where’ve they been hiding him? Declan Rice hit one in from 25 yards to make it 3-0 but Foster just stood and watched it go in. Unusually poor from him. My boy Troy pulled one back after great play by Doucoure but Watford were well beaten in truth. So it’s two from Villa, Bournemouth and Watford. Ideally I’d prefer Bournemouth to escape but looking at the remaining fixtures I’ll be honest, I haven’t got a clue what’s going to happen. Bournemouth have got Southampton at home and Everton away. Watford have got City at home and Arsenal away. Villa have Arsenal at home and West Ham away. I expect Watford to get no points but they have a three point cushion so they might not need any. One draw probably sees them safe. Goal difference is much of a muchness and is too close to call because a heavy defeat for Watford against City cancels out any edge they have in that department. Villa might win both games you know. Arsenal are shite and will be coming off a mauling by City in the FA Cup semi, while West Ham will be on the beach already now. Watford also play Arsenal but the problem for them is that Arsenal will have nothing to play for which makes them more dangerous, especially at home. Arsenal are the ultimate win when it doesn’t matter and lose when it does team, so that doesn’t bode well for the Hornets. So if you push me for a prediction then Villa will be singing “I’m still standing” while poor old Elton will be singing “Sad Songs” or “I guess that’s why they call it the Blues”.