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Ezekiel 25:17

The world of a woman.

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I'll be honest here, I don't know how women put up with us. We stink, we're hairy, and in my case I'm a useless lazy fat cunt!

 

I'm stunned my wife hasn't stabbed me!

 

 

Yeah mate.... but you've got the courage to question yourself.

 

That's a special quality.   And to anyone worthwhile, a very loveable and put-up-with-able trait.

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My wife is wonderful and I'm tempted to start a thread in that vein but it would probably be tempting fate . . . so in the spirit of this thread, I'd say that she is a thrifty woman. She's sensible in her shopping, right down to not really owning enough shoes. Yes, you read that right. However, where she falls down in the money department is in her interactions with anyone other than ourselves. If we set foot in someone's house, we have to bring a bottle of wine. You can see her getting agitated as the hour approaches, even though you might only be there for half-an-hour in the middle of the day. When she is out with others, she will always buy the first and last round, frequently buys several more than par, and has often paid for the entire night - then complained the next day of how advantage was taken of her! A few years back, when we were living from one pay cheque to the next, she got back in touch with friends of hers from Liverpool. A member of the family had become quite a big celebrity here in Ireland in the intervening years and money was not an issue to them. Yet a few days after she spent an evening out with them I discover a ding on the debit card for nearly €100, money we could ill-afford to have out of the account. That amounted to two (2) rounds of drinks. It was not an exaggeration to say that she bought drinks for everyone who was in the vicinity on those two rounds. She absolutely could not bear the thought that she would be seen as tight, even though they're a lovely group of people who value her for herself. Things have gotten a lot better financially in the last year or so as falling debts and rising incomes have crossed over, but there are still occasional aggravations, like she when she tut-tutted at me telling her I was taking out €20 for pocket money for the week. 

 

tl;dr: thrifty with me, spendthrift with others.

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I quite like Ikea. Apart from the monstrously sized shops. And the fact you have to hunt through a warehouse once you've picked your stuff, and drag it on to a trolley and bring it to the tills. And the fact that you have to build everything yourself........ Actually, fuck Ikea.

 

 

I have been unfortunate enough to have to visit the place twice in the past month. Unfortunately one of those days was Bank Holiday Monday and it was possibly the worst place you could be on a Bank Holiday. 

 

Normally if I'm going I like to get there at 9:30am, have a cheap breakfast (with the family card) and then wander through an empty shop avoiding the soft furnishings and not having to queue at the till. 

 

The main problem with the place is that people wander round too slowly, get in the way and it's like some shit zombie farmageddon horror show as you're brought to a halt by another daft cow fawning over a green cushion. They've also started directing you to their nearby warehouse to pick up certain objects, always one of the things I need and rarely a large item. The warehouse is another level of shit, like Argos if it was run by even bigger twats. You have an order number, they appear on a screen and you sit and wait for it to change to being picked and then eventually picked. it's then brought through and you take it away. A small piece of worksop 60cmx40cm took 20 minutes, and I was there very early and was told it was 'dead' 

 

Dead fucking slow. 

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My wife is wonderful and I'm tempted to start a thread in that vein but it would probably be tempting fate . . . so in the spirit of this thread, I'd say that she is a thrifty woman. She's sensible in her shopping, right down to not really owning enough shoes. Yes, you read that right. However, where she falls down in the money department is in her interactions with anyone other than ourselves. If we set foot in someone's house, we have to bring a bottle of wine. You can see her getting agitated as the hour approaches, even though you might only be there for half-an-hour in the middle of the day. When she is out with others, she will always buy the first and last round, frequently buys several more than par, and has often paid for the entire night - then complained the next day of how advantage was taken of her! A few years back, when we were living from one pay cheque to the next, she got back in touch with friends of hers from Liverpool. A member of the family had become quite a big celebrity here in Ireland in the intervening years and money was not an issue to them. Yet a few days after she spent an evening out with them I discover a ding on the debit card for nearly €100, money we could ill-afford to have out of the account. That amounted to two (2) rounds of drinks. It was not an exaggeration to say that she bought drinks for everyone who was in the vicinity on those two rounds. She absolutely could not bear the thought that she would be seen as tight, even though they're a lovely group of people who value her for herself. Things have gotten a lot better financially in the last year or so as falling debts and rising incomes have crossed over, but there are still occasional aggravations, like she when she tut-tutted at me telling her I was taking out €20 for pocket money for the week.

 

tl;dr: thrifty with me, spendthrift with others.

Was it Mary who worked in tesco and was on the x factor?

 

Edit: Mary Burn her name was; I remember her name because her name made me think she had an STD.

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Was it Mary who worked in tesco and was on the x factor?

 

Edit: Mary Burn her name was; I remember her name because her name made me think she had an STD.

Since when was Mary Burn [sic] from Liverpool?

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Since when was Mary Burn [sic] from Liverpool?

Thought she was famous in Ireland so thought it was an Irish person?

 

Is it Danielle Lloyd?

 

If not was she in desperate Scouse wives?

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Thought she was famous in Ireland so thought it was an Irish person?

 

Is it Danielle Lloyd?

 

If not was she in desperate Scouse wives?

I would have thought the 'from Liverpool' part was a bit of a giveaway. And since when was Danielle Lloyd a big celebrity in Ireland? Or anywhere?

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I would have thought the 'from Liverpool' part was a bit of a giveaway. And since when was Danielle Lloyd a big celebrity in Ireland? Or anywhere?

Was she on desperate Scouse wives if so who was it?

 

Was she in atomic kitten?

 

Edit: coleen Rooney or Alex Curran?

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My bird nipped round to her mates earlier and while she was out our little girl discovered while changing the food and water that her hamster had died overnight. She had a little cry and then we spoke about the hamster having had a good life and what not. Then I sent her into the kitchen to play with the dog.

 

Phoned my bird to tell her to come home and she came running in hysterical and sent the little one back into floods of tears. Took twenty minutes for it all to calm down again. It's a hamster, for fuck sake.

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My bird nipped round to her mates earlier and while she was out our little girl discovered while changing the food and water that her hamster had died overnight. She had a little cry and then we spoke about the hamster having had a good life and what not. Then I sent her into the kitchen to play with the dog.

 

Phoned my bird to tell her to come home and she came running in hysterical and sent the little one back into floods of tears. Took twenty minutes for it all to calm down again. It's a hamster, for fuck sake.

Are you sure it's dead they have a habit of hibernating?
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Are you sure it's dead they have a habit of hibernating?

Aye, I tried warming it up with a hot water bottle but it was stiff as a board. Definitely croaked it.

 

An often told story in our family is my great uncle burying four consecutive hamsters alive before finally cottoning on to the fact that they weren't actually dying.

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My bird nipped round to her mates earlier and while she was out our little girl discovered while changing the food and water that her hamster had died overnight. She had a little cry and then we spoke about the hamster having had a good life and what not. Then I sent her into the kitchen to play with the dog.

 

Phoned my bird to tell her to come home and she came running in hysterical and sent the little one back into floods of tears. Took twenty minutes for it all to calm down again. It's a hamster, for fuck sake.

 

I'm sure there was a story about a hysterical woman taking a month off work because her pet gerbil did. I remember it because the pet's name was Coco and I posted a great gag. I'll try and find it.

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Found it. But first, a little context to set the scene.

 

I haven’t told you about the woman who took a fortnight off with the stress of the guinea pig dying.

This is a true story and Tossed & Blown can vouch for me.

When we went to Newcastle, I met up with a girl I know for a coffee and a catch up. Al and his friends were also about to witness this story. She went on to tell me that a woman of 30 in her work went off sick as Coco the guinea pig died, it started off as two weeks and I had it confirmed that it finished being four weeks.

My friend works in a school and it was the school guinea pig that popped it clogs, but this poor woman had taken a shine to it, taking it home at weekends and claiming for its vet bills on expenses. Towards the end, the writing was on the wall for Coco, the mounting vets bills indicated it was time to graze in heaven. However this poor woman has decided to take it home and nurse it in its final hours, feeding the dying animal with a pipette/syringe and cradled it until the end.

News of the animal’s demise was broken during a staff meeting during the part ‘any other business’ when the woman stood up and said that ‘At 04:15 Coco the guinea pig died in my arms’, she was crying at this point whilst some members of staff were struggling to stifle their laughter, then just before she left the room said ‘has anyone told the year sevens?’

From what I gather this is a rough arse area of the North East and I doubt the children have the ability to be even remotely arsed about it all.

Now the story got better with the news she took an additional two weeks off with stress due to what had happened, four weeks in total. However the icing of the cake was the screenshot of her Facebook, which for obvious reasons will not be put on a public forum, but those who see me about can see the screenshot first hand. The status read ‘RIP Coco. Fly with the angels and know that Mammy and Daddy will always love you xxx’

I don’t which is sadder, a teacher resorting to this, or that she had a replacement guinea pig within the month and Coco was quickly forgotten

 

 

She probably told HR that she'd rather have a bawl if Coco pops.

 

Happy days.

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Aye, I tried warming it up with a hot water bottle but it was stiff as a board. Definitely croaked it.

 

An often told story in our family is my great uncle burying four consecutive hamsters alive before finally cottoning on to the fact that they weren't actually dying.

Feed it to the dog.... waste not want not

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She deserves the George Cross, Presidential Medal, Legion D'Honour and as many Purple Hearts as you have children

She probably contributes regularly to the "the world of a man" thread on her shite music forum.

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Aye, I tried warming it up with a hot water bottle but it was stiff as a board. Definitely croaked it.

 

An often told story in our family is my great uncle burying four consecutive hamsters alive before finally cottoning on to the fact that they weren't actually dying.

My auntie done it with my cousins; she didn't realise they were hibernating but thought the pet shop was selling dodgy hamsters so stopped buying them.

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Had a right riveting conversation with a female friend of mine last night about tackling damp in her bathroom. 

 

Her biggest concern was "If I put a  dehumidifier in there wont it suck all the water out of the toilet?"

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I love this thread. I come on here every once in a while to help me remember how lucky I am to have married a good, sane, loving, selfless woman. Y'all need to get better birds. 

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I think I have posted this before but it is one of my favorites.

When google earth first came out I showed the sat view to my wife and she was amazed. I asked her to go outside and wave and see if I could see her and take a screen shot.

There she is in the front garden waving furiously saying can you see me? Can you see me? While I'm rolling around the floor pissing myself.

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