The world of a woman.

[Tony Moanero]

Where the fuck from? Been after these for years, can't get them any more.

Sorry, it turned out that they weren’t Lincoln biscuits, they were shortcake biscuits.

[Remmie]

Moanero in Biscuit mistake shocker

[Elite]

Had a mare there Tony.

[Remmie]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

[Curly]

Never heard of the cunts

[Lee909]

[VladimirIlyich]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

They are the modern equivalent of ship's biscuits given to sailors in days of yore which are supposed to last for weeks and taste like you are eating the soles of your own shoes.

With Custard Creams and these things Tony might as well phone Operation Yew Tree and give himself up.

[Trumo]

For anyone else who had never heard of a Lincoln biscuit, this is what they look like:

 

 

A manhole cover.

[VladimirIlyich]

A manhole cover.

Much more unbreakable than that.

[Mook]

My boss has just received an e-mail from someone she's not keen on...

 

"WHAT A WONKER."

 

I'm trying quite hard not to giggle here.

[Trumo]

I'm passing myself here.

[General Dryness]

Is she the policeman out of Allo Allo?

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

In a taxi with a female friend the other day.

 

Going to a little house party. Meant to be there for half 5. I notice the clock on the dashboard says 17:40 and say that we'll be a bit late.

 

She replies "we've got plenty of time. It's only 20 past and we're almost there."

 

She was looking at the meter app on the driver's phone. And it said £8.20 anyway, so how you get 20 past 5 from that is still beyond me???

[Curly]

In a taxi with a female friend the other day.

Going to a little house party. Meant to be there for half 5. I notice the clock on the dashboard says 17:40 and say that we'll be a bit late.

She replies "we've got plenty of time. It's only 20 past and we're almost there."

She was looking at the meter app on the driver's phone. And it said £8.20 anyway, so how you get 20 past 5 from that is still beyond me???

Yeah, but how was she?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I'm off this week and the Mrs is too. She decides to catch up with a bit of work today and puts on her work laptop, low charge, can't find the charger.

We have the house up and she's not happy, has to phone her secretary, going to have to go into town, bloody car park, bloody this bloody that!

She is pulling out of the drive when I decide to look in the zip compartment of her laptop bag, bingo! Laptop charger, just caught her before she pulled off. She of course had checked the bag.

[Bjornebye]

She has got the netball on and has just said "I didnt know Russia is in the commonwealth" Its RSA vs JAM complete with the south african flag.

[Champ]

She has got the netball on and has just said "I didnt know Russia is in the commonwealth" Its RSA vs JAM complete with the south african flag.

She? Have I missed something?

 

PS What a game!

[Mook]

Some from my boss today:-

 

Bloke on the other end of the phone makes a salient point, "You've knocked it on the head there." (she meant 'You've hit the nail on the head')

Our biggest client on the phone, "That's the crutch of the matter.", she's said this about three times now, she means 'crux'

Passes a load of work on to someone else, "They can eat their heart out." (she means they can 'fill their boots')

 

She's not stopped talking all day so I've probably missed a good few although she was talking about an abortion her mother in law had this morning, 'not sure how happy I would be if one of my relatives was sharing private information like that about me at their work but there you go. 

[Trumo]

Just to clarify, I take it her mother in law had the abortion a while ago, and not just this morning, otherwise I'd be asking how fucking old she was.

[Champ]

I meet up with a group of friends every month to get out for a walk and a blether. I thought they were quite a game lot but in the past week was trying to make arrangements with them to go up Ben Nevis later in the year and to do a bike ride yesterday.

 

Jeez, I've never heard so many excuses/anxiety/complications over what I thought were quite straightforward suggestions. Oo, I don't like the sound of having to carry our stuff/ I'm worried about holding you back/ is there are chairlift/ what about those who want to bring children/ oh, I don't think I'll be able to manage that/ don't forget to wear warm gloves/ my husbands offering to pick us up if we can't make it. It went on and on and on...

 

Are they all like this?

[Captain Turdseye]

I’d be like that if you asked me to walk up a mountain. What’s wrong with staying indoors with a nice cup of tea?

[Champ]

I’d be like that if you asked me to walk up a mountain. What’s wrong with staying indoors with a nice cup of tea?

 

They're all active people and had already said they were up for Ben Nevis.

What happened to get up and go?

[Mook]

Just to clarify, I take it her mother in law had the abortion a while ago, and not just this morning, otherwise I'd be asking how fucking old she was.

 

I wish her mother had an abortion about 61 years ago, would've done everyone a massive favour.

[Fowlers God]

I think we need Stig to certainly clarify who “she” is?

[mattyq]

I meet up with a group of friends every month to get out for a walk and a blether. I thought they were quite a game lot but in the past week was trying to make arrangements with them to go up Ben Nevis later in the year and to do a bike ride yesterday.

 

Jeez, I've never heard so many excuses/anxiety/complications over what I thought were quite straightforward suggestions. Oo, I don't like the sound of having to carry our stuff/ I'm worried about holding you back/ is there are chairlift/ what about those who want to bring children/ oh, I don't think I'll be able to manage that/ don't forget to wear warm gloves/ my husbands offering to pick us up if we can't make it. It went on and on and on...

 

Are they all like this?

It's not uncommon